huggybear-2

Whenever you buy a video for £2.50 from a supermarket bargain bin, you have to manage your expectations. The poor reviews of this wannabe blockbuster and franchise had already done that to a certain extent, but Hugh Jackman is usually good value as a leading man and Kate Beckinsale is one of the most attractive leading ladies of the current box office.

The first few lines of dialogue confirm that this film is a stinker. Clichéd without being amusing, this is an homage to nothing but bad film-making. Where The Mummy series romped, Sommers' offering stumbles like a newborn deer. With a silver stake through its torso.

So, let's look for another source of entertainment - focus on the visuals that all that money must have gone into. Sorry. Boooring CGI fill every scene. Never has so much mood lighting produced so little mood. Any chance of a consistent, believable (given the subject matter) plot? Nope. Van Helsing ranks alongside Troy as the most infamous butcher of source material in the history of cinema.

The final nail in the coffin? Kate Beckinsale wears a top for most of the film that makes it look like her breasts are bleeding. It must have been an ironic in-joke.

For £2.50 I could have bought some watercress and watched it grow. I'll know better for next time.

I've given this 2/10 but am currently struggling to decide why it was worth such high praise. The plot, such as it is, is thinner than paper and most of the script and 'acting' is of the lowest possible quality. Most disappointingly, the action quotient was also remarkably low.

However, there are some humourous moments, which saves this from being the worst film ever made. Given Channel 5's (UK tv station for any Americans reading) typical evening film output, it is no great surprise to find out this was a straight-to-video event.

Okay, so you need 10 lines for a comment. Hmm. You get to see Van Damme's butt, which may interest some of you. And the old guy out of The Karate Kid.

After the disappointing second HP film I found this to be a welcome return to form. Prisoner features a strong plot, neat dialogue and the usual powerful supporting cast to back up the child stars. I have not read any of the books, so am unable to comment as to whether the rather long time it takes to get to any action is due to the screenplay or source material. However, this more adult and darker episode (allowing Oldman, Thewlis and Rickman to up the dramatic ante) should please fans of the books and casual observers alike - plus, having well established Hogwarts in the first two films, little backfill is necessary.

8/10