The Masticator

Undoubtedly preposterous and far from original, but the good points definitely outweigh the bad here. "The Hole" is genuinely tense and, at times, legitimately scary - it certainly made me jump more than any other teen so-called "horror" movie. It also had decent performances from Thora Birch (the accent was fine), Desmond Harrington, Laurence Fox and Keira Knightley, all of whom threw themselves headfirst into the descent from privileged petulance to shivering panic. The characters - rich, pouting, superior - were all too believable.

Most important, I think, is that it doesn't feel like a British movie - it isn't pretty, it isn't gritty, and it has loud, industrial "Matrix"-style rock all over it. It isn't self-conscious and it isn't obsessed with class. It looks great and it moves on apace - in short, it's an American film done by Brits in Britain, and that is no bad thing if it means we're going to keep up with Hollywood. Well done Nick Hamm. Kudos to Birch as well; she didn't need to do this, post-"American Beauty", but I'm glad she did.

Far-fetched, badly paced and at times baffling, but a more than worthwhile exercise, and much better than most of the teen nonsense currently being churned out by Hollywood. It rips off everyone from Romero to "The Usual Suspects" via "Morse", but it has enough tingly moments and unexpected violence to satisfy the most demanding thrill-seeker. Look, we CAN make entertaining lowbrow films in this country. Perhaps we'll do it more often now.

Not the transcendental experience promised by some critics, but very, very good nonetheless. A beautiful, moving, elegant picture. I read that "Crouching Tiger" is to the martial arts film what "Stagecoach" is to the Western - it represents the apotheosis, the absolute zenith of the genre. I wouldn't disagree with that. It's by turns exhilarating, hilarious and heartbreaking - what else do you want from a movie?

The irony is, Ang Lee's previous two film were also excellent. They were in English. Now this Chinese-language film looks like being his biggest hit in both Britain and America. Isn't that strange? Why did no-one go to see "Ride With The Devil" or "The Ice Storm"?

I think we should be told.