One Million Babes BC

A man and a woman explore caves and find drawings dating from the time when humans coexisted with dinosaurs. Yes, I know, that's not true. We interpret the drawings and the spectator is treated to the spectacle. Ogg, the Alpha male from another era, wants to sacrifice Luna to appease the gods. Luna disagrees, nor does her new friend Meeka or a pseudo missing link whose name escapes me, if he has one.

Marc Polonia is not afraid of anything, not even the comparison with One Million BC starring Raquel Welch and the special effects of Ray Harryhausen. He helps himself by not taking the whole thing too seriously, obviously. The wild women are in modern sandals while the men walk around in slippers which were probably recently made in China. The drawings in a cave are done in colored pencil on crumpled brown paper. We will be treated to a big final pirouette which is not original. Polonia recycles yet another costume from its homages to the new Planet of the Apes films. We obviously recognize its regular actors, here Jamie Morgan, Marie De Lorezo and Jeff Kinkerdall, all regulars in its productions. Material to pass the time on online platforms for indulgent amateurs.

Great, another movie from Mark Polonia. With that guy in the director's chair, you know what you are getting; a low budget garbage heap. And yet, I still opted to check out the movie, on the way, way, way, way off chance that the 2024 movie "One Million Babes BC" would be a break away from the usual rubbish he delivers. Though, I can't claim that I was having any particular grand hopes.

At first I was thinking did Polonia opt to do a remake of the 1966 movie "One Million Years B. C." from director Don Chaffey. But it was luckily not the case. No, "One Million Babes BC" was a fresh new Hell conjured up by writers Aaron Drake and Mark Polonia. Needless to say that you're not in for anything entertaining. This movie was bad in every sense of the word, and then some.

I've watched enough of Polonia's rubbish movies to be familiar with actress Jamie Morgan and actor Jeff Kirkendall. Needless to say that the acting performances left much to be desired. To actually call the performances put on most of the times throughout the course of this movie as being acting would be insulting to members of the acting guild.

The special effects in the movie are exactly that; special. The CGI animated dinosaurs look worse than rejected CGI dinosaurs from early 1990s computer games. So you're not in for a marvelous cinematic experience of special effects that will blow you away. But then again, then Mark Polonia movie's never were known for their grand special effects. And the guy in the ape costume doesn't even fool a blind man. The cave paintings was just crayon drawings on crumbled brown paper, seriously?

The budget for the movie was so poor that they couldn't even go to an actual cave to shoot the cave scenes? They had to use dubious CGI, which was so painfully fake that it had me laughing. Yet, they could shoot in forest settings? Odd.

And I love the fact that Luna, the prehistoric girl, was wearing modern sandal slippers and some of the primitives were wearing loafers.

The movie's cover was actually the best thing about the ordeal, and it totally oversells the movie by a landslide.

My rating of director Mark Polonia's 2024 movie "One Million Babes BC" lands on a one out of ten stars.