L.A. Slasher

The promotional blurb for "LA Slasher" calls it a "biting, social satire of reality TV and the glorification of those who are famous for being famous."

Unfortunately this film is so poorly made, acted, cut, and designed as to render it a complete waste of time. It's such a train wreck, you can't possibly even decipher what's happening on screen for its 90 minute runtime, which seems like five hours, at least.

There is no real story. Basically an anonymous white-suited masked psycho (voiced by Andy Dick, no less, which doesn't exactly raise the credibility factor) targets and then systematically slaughters airhead Twitter-made celebrities. Not in itself a worthless concept. If "LA Slasher" were made with even borderline competence it could be a poisonously fun black comedy.

The real problem here lies in the script, which is incoherent. A good first third of the film is spent introducing a slew of forgettable, woodenly-acted victims, but no story arc really exists. When they're killed, there's no pay off since you don't care about them. And Dick's slasher is either sniggeringly annoying (and unfunny) or downright vile ("Die you f**kin bitch" and variations thereof are his and the screenwriters idea of witty repartee).

Let's talk about the technical aspects for a moment. Even the opening credits are so badly created that they are almost out of frame in the HD cut I watched. Some of the set designs range from dirty warehouse to scummy hotel room to someone's living room. Even the Heiress and the Socialite live in places that are so badly dressed they look as if they were shot in the back of an abandoned flea market storage warehouse. Mischa Barton is one of many actors who stand around looking vaguely comatose, not knowing their lines or not caring to know them.

All of this amounts to a very depressing, pointless pile of garbage that's ultimately as empty and spiritless as the "problems" the movie's title antagonist sets out to "solve." At one point there was a "detective" (see the credits here on IMDb) so it seems a dramatic arc of some sort was written and even filmed, but apparently this film's aim is to appear as dumb as the targets it poorly lampoons. The best thing for "LA Slasher" to do is off itself. So many people will thank it.

Death to Reality TV.

I think it is safe to say that humanity is over reality television. Everyone wants to be famous for nothing, but the LA Slasher has something different in mind.

Dressed in garb that imitates the oddity of Michael Jackson, a self appointed crusader against the insipidity of Hollyweird decides he's had enough. Bubbling over with uncontrollable anger, he turns his violent urges to those responsible for today's preoccupation with trash television.

With character names such as "The Actress" or "The Teen Mom" or "The Drug Dealers" you really get a sense that the characters of this film are nobodies, just like their reality show counterparts. This detail is just one of the many subtle ways in which LA Slasher acts as commentator on modern day pop culture. In case you are a little dense, from watching so much junk-TV, the dialogue spells out the film's sentiment:

"Everybody hates reality TV. But they watch it just so they can tell you 'bout how much they hate it. Whatever problems you have, change the channel until you find somebody who's worse off and then suddenly your life doesn't seem so bad, does it? Well let me tell you something: it is that bad."

And who better to voice these disdainful monologues than the pseudo King of Reality Rubbish, Mr. Andy Dick, the voice and man behind the LA Slasher. Unfortunately these meta nods to garbage television end there, as no other humorous cameos make an appearance with the exception of Brooke Hogan. Some C-list actors like Drake Bell, Mischa Barton and Eric Roberts get to make fun of their personas by representing the loathsome reality-TV archetypes.

Based on the context of the film, I imagined LA Slasher to be a comedy-horror hybrid and it is not, nor does it try to be. The cinematography is deliberately saturated to mimic the grotesqueries of reality television and perversities of LA. LA Slasher also gets the soundtrack right with an 80s dance vibe. Midway through the film however, LA Slasher starts to lose its edge as it veers too far into the absorption of entertainment news with reality-TV and borders on monotonous when a change of pace was desperately needed.

Perhaps it would have been more successful if it tried to blur the line more into horror, but then again, perhaps that added burden would have doomed the film to certain failure. Regardless, I'm a sucker for this type of film and LA Slasher has humor, smarts, a cohesive plot, interesting dialogue and a unique point of view.

Please check out Archon Cinema Review's website for full reviews of all the recent indie releases.

Good horror, comedy: reminds me of some of my favorite firsts like Toxic Avenger and They Live... If you are 30+ years old you may appreciate this more, it's about a killer who go after reality TV stars (Remember when that crap was the buzz?). Haha, go in drunk, not expecting much and this movie is fun. Lots of fun with good, big name actors. Watch it now!

The Slasher is hunting D-list Hollywood celebrities for his own reality show. I'm mostly watching this for Mischa Barton. This is ten years ago and I hope she is clean now. This movie is another step in her downward spiraling career. It is fascinating that she is playing a tired rich actress which is probably not far from her own life at the time. All she needs for realism is all the drugs. She still has her looks, but the spark is fading. Most girls do lose their career over time, but Mischa did not help herself any. The shocking face in this movie is Bautista. I cannot believe it when he shows up on screen. This is after Guardians of the Galaxy although it is possible that this was filmed before then. Also, Bautista seems like a guy who would honor his promise to do a krappy movie even after having a big successful breakout. As for the movie itself, it is Hollywood navel gazing and narcissism in criticizing itself. The movie is also a mess. P. S. The strobe lights are annoying and giving me a headache. They make me hate this even more.

When the original slasher movies came along the victims were usually students because with their sex, drugs and rock & roll they were easy to vilify, but there was always at least one you actually liked. This movie's 'victims' are influencers and social media 'stars' and none of them are likeable, this wouldn't be an issue if the main characters was better but between the mask and his voice, he's also generally unlikeable too. So, there's nobody in the movie to root for, or care about. About the only thing that could have saved it is if the scares were any good, but sadly not, at every turn the movie pulls it's punches and ends up very tame making the ending more 'laughable' than 'shocking'.

Basically the only good thing in the whole movie is the titles and credits.