Garota de Programa de Cthulhu

I sat down to watch the 2014 "Call Girl of Cthulhu" movie with the expectation for it to be a horror comedy, but I was sorely disappointed. This turned out to be a very sleazy horror movie that was relying heavily on explicit stuff. And not in a good way mind you. I am sure that the master of horror literature is turning over in his grave knowing that his name is associated with such sleaze.

The story does revolve around Lovecraft elements, but it is all just shattered and brought into the gutter with the sleaze that permeates this movie. And it was really a hard movie, pardon the pun, to get through. And truth be told, I gave up 50 minutes into the ordeal. I just couldn't take anymore of it.

I am sure that there is an audience out there for a movie such as "Call Girl of Cthulhu", but for people who truly enjoyed the writings of H.P. Lovecraft and the Lovecraftian literature of newer age is most likely to shun this like a Deep One.

One of the good things about "Call Girl of Cthulhu" was the fact that they had a lot of names and ideals from Lovecraft's mythology down right, and there were lots of small details which also hinted towards Lovecraft, such as the air freshener named Cool Air, for example.

The acting in the movie was as to be expected from a movie such as this, so don't get your hopes up for a groundbreaking Shakespearian experience here. But I am sure that people were doing their best, given the limitations of the script and storyline.

The effects in "Call Girl of Cthulhu" were actually adequate, especially for a movie such as this and with their budget. So that at least worked in favor for the movie. Of course it wasn't a Hollywood CGI and special effects galore, but the effects served their purposes well enough.

I found this movie to be a strain to sit through, and just couldn't bear it to the end. The sleazy element was just too much, and it really didn't sit well with me that Lovecraft's writing and mythology was being dragged through the gutter like that.

The sole reason for this movie not scoring an absolute lowest one out of ten stars from me, is because of the effects and because the crew behind the story had actually taken time to put themselves into the works of Lovecraft, by getting names and such correct.

But if you are a fan of Lovecraft's writing, then chances are high that you, like me, will find no enjoyment in "Call Girl of Cthulhu". I should have listened to the tentacled voice at the back of my head saying "No, don't watch this. The title of the movie says it all!". So take heed and sit down to watch this movie with that warning at heart.

"Call Girl of Cthulhu" scores two out of ten stars, and even then I am being more than generous.

Some interesting ideas here and a good dose of gory low budget schlock, but none of the characters make much sense in what they do or say.

It takes almost an hour to pick up but gets a lot more fun when it does. The first half has an almost serious tone that doesn't fit the rest of the movie. If it had been crazy from the getgo and better paced it would have been better, but the second half is still pretty watchable.

Overall if you like schlock and cheap horror with nudity then you'll probably like this at least a little, but for anything more cerebral look elsewhere!

From the start, this looks like it's going to be a not just bad but poorly made movie. But I stuck through it for a few minutes and got some entertainment out of it. Here's the good and the bad:

Good: I like the story behind the movie. The acting for the people that took off their tops was better than the acting of the clothed people. I don't know if that's good or bad, but whatever. I liked the glimpse at the kinds of sad pandering that a call girl has to put up with, that was entertaining. The bad guys were interesting to look at. I am impressed with how much freaky can be conveyed with simple costumes. In fact, I know it is low budget but bravo to the costuming for the movie with doing lots with little.

Bad: I can't even call it gory. There was a lot of puppetry and fluids being thrown around so I can call it gross but in no way realistic or gory. Even in a movie centered around hookers and strip clubs, there's even extra nudity for no real reason. This stuck out to me, idk why. The sound was really bad in places.

I think it's an ok movie, poorly made in spots, badly acted in other spots but I can say I was entertained by the crazy and I thought the ending was decent. To watch this and come away happy you have to have low expectations. Which the name of the film sets you up with.

You may find yourself asking just what in the hell you're watching within the first 15-20 min. Press onward, and don't take it too seriously - you'll miss out on the fun ride. It's akin to something like 'Todd and the Book of Pure Evil.' The acting is good. Writing, wardrobe, sets, sound, effects, etc, are all on par with the budget - again it all works for what it is. You can tell the entire production team had a great time making this film, and made something they were proud to screen.

Bottom line, I know this review sucks, but for someone looking for a fun, raunchy indie horror-comedy based on Lovecraftian mythos, look no further.

Ya, right...Lovecraft would have really dug this 'homage' being a secret T&A guy back in the day. He especially would have been surprised to see so many of his hidden meanings and dark texts rife with macabre images suddenly illuminated and realized as a bunch of naked women with all their attributes! As if that were not enough, the casting of non-pro actors would sublimate his troubled eldritch inner forces that would normally demand much better performers into a simmering rage at the unseen director of this nonsense. The usage of New England surnames familiar to us all seems unkind to those family members who may still exist in the dark tarns of the hidden blasted heaths and valleys therein. All in all very entertaining for those of us trapped deep below the surface of the Earth with the Old Ones!

Yrs...

Charles Dexter Ward and my new friend... Yog Sothoth -