Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves

Not only did the director capture the true essence of who Helen Keller really was, it seems like he LIVED it. Did I direct it? Maybe. But ask yourself this... didn't WE all direct it? Once you see these Nightwolves up close in stock footage you'll feel as if you were really there throughout every single last page ever taught to us in a history book. I for one LOVED it. NAY, I NEEDED this film. Anyone who says they didn't like this film probably needs to get their bicycle seats adjusted by a professional at a bike shop. Not just some hobbyist out in a garage. I'm talking about a real bicycle shop in a metropolitan area.

There are 3 types of cheezey B movies: a) those that take themselves seriously, but are just bad (Plan 9 from Outer Space, Manos: Hands of Fate, etc) b) those that are a spoof of "a" (Rocky Horror, Skeleton of Cadavra) and c) those that try to be "b" but fail. Helen Keller vs the Nightwolves is c. It wanted to be on par with "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" , but it simply isn't.

It was trying too hard to be funny and the novelty wore off after about ten min

I'm quite partial to weird movies and over the years I've seen some truly bizarre stuff, but it still needs to entertain and this anus stuffed garbage fire simply doesn't.

It tells the story (And I use that term very very loosely) of Helen Keller regaling people with tales of how she became a famed wolf hunter and overcame losing her senses.

It's a comedy of the "Gonzo" variety and is as funny as a play written by three 4yr olds. Every joke made me cringe, it's not that it wasn't funny but that it was so unfunny it was painful to endure. This was one of those movies I struggled to make it through and made me curse my belief that you have to watch a movie all the way through to have a right to judge it.

Every single joke! So so bad, and after watching this and the easy bottom 10 Mummy Reborn (2019) I'm wondering what I did to deserve this travesty.

Starring the excellent Lin Shaye and a host of other notable stars I can only assume they owed someone a favor to be part of this calamity.

Just embarrassing.

The Good:

Decent opening

The Bad:

Outstandingly stupid

Cast are too good for this

WTF!?

First off, I consider myself a huge Ross Patterson fan. I own all of his movies and his book and I'm pretty sure I have a lock of hair floating around somewhere in my house. That being said, it saddens me that I couldn't give this movie the stellar review I'd hoped. First off, the movie is outrageous, which is great; the title alone is enough to make a viewer chuckle. Second, the main actors did an amazing job especially Jesse Merlin who portrayed Helen Keller's gay brother. Now for the bad news. It seems to me that director Ross Patterson simply took the elements that worked in his previous movies (Voice overs for example) then did them to death in Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves. The scenes with Saint James Street James didn't even compare to those in Poolboy 2 Drowning Out the Fury, and a lot of the times the over the top elements of the movie went on just a bit too long and became annoying. To put it in simple terms, I just didn't find myself laughing very much (even while viewing during alcohol consumption), and that is why a viewer watches a Ross Patterson movie, to laugh. Any fan of crazy comedies will get a kick out of this movie, but in terms of Ross Patterson movies it is a HJ. It will never be your first choice, but after a sad sigh you will take it. No hard feelings Ross, looking forward to the next one.