Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves

Not only did the director capture the true essence of who Helen Keller really was, it seems like he LIVED it. Did I direct it? Maybe. But ask yourself this... didn't WE all direct it? Once you see these Nightwolves up close in stock footage you'll feel as if you were really there throughout every single last page ever taught to us in a history book. I for one LOVED it. NAY, I NEEDED this film. Anyone who says they didn't like this film probably needs to get their bicycle seats adjusted by a professional at a bike shop. Not just some hobbyist out in a garage. I'm talking about a real bicycle shop in a metropolitan area.

There are 3 types of cheezey B movies: a) those that take themselves seriously, but are just bad (Plan 9 from Outer Space, Manos: Hands of Fate, etc) b) those that are a spoof of "a" (Rocky Horror, Skeleton of Cadavra) and c) those that try to be "b" but fail. Helen Keller vs the Nightwolves is c. It wanted to be on par with "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" , but it simply isn't.

I'm quite partial to weird movies and over the years I've seen some truly bizarre stuff, but it still needs to entertain and this anus stuffed garbage fire simply doesn't.

It tells the story (And I use that term very very loosely) of Helen Keller regaling people with tales of how she became a famed wolf hunter and overcame losing her senses.

It's a comedy of the "Gonzo" variety and is as funny as a play written by three 4yr olds. Every joke made me cringe, it's not that it wasn't funny but that it was so unfunny it was painful to endure. This was one of those movies I struggled to make it through and made me curse my belief that you have to watch a movie all the way through to have a right to judge it.

Every single joke! So so bad, and after watching this and the easy bottom 10 Mummy Reborn (2019) I'm wondering what I did to deserve this travesty.

Starring the excellent Lin Shaye and a host of other notable stars I can only assume they owed someone a favor to be part of this calamity.

Just embarrassing.

The Good:

Decent opening

The Bad:

Outstandingly stupid

Cast are too good for this

WTF!?

Personally I think this movie is a 0/10. Very good movie, highly recommend.

This really is a Must See!

One of the Best Movies Ever Made One of the Best Movies Ever Made

30 Minutes of Pure Pure Necessity 3,190 views 3,190 views

In this film, four artists struggle to present their film, inspired by existentialist literature, at a film festival in Tangiers.

A Bunch of Dramatic Omissions In this film, two Oscar award winning actors gather in NYC to discuss their careers with newcomer Talisa Soto, who is making her professional acting debut. The evening is filled with long-winded monologues, melodramatic dramatics and multiple departures from the facts.

Somewhat Disappointing Sequel This is an extremely long movie that has about 40 main characters and about 100 sub-characters. What makes it more interesting is the fact that it's a coming-of-age story for each.

I love big budget comedies and this one didn't disappoint - the grandeur, the pomp and ceremony like no other movie. Here director Patterson melds history and pseudolycanthopy like Powell and Pressburger never could. How they trained thousands of wolves would make for a great documentary and I know the fan club is campaigning for it. What makes the movie even greater is the fact that the cast and crew worked in perfect harmony because they could relate to the dysfunctional Keller family.

Not everything was perfect, frankly, I found the movie hard to rate; I found most of the movie earning a 10 but where it fell short was the sad fact that the lead wolves were cast against type, que lastima.

For the full Helen Keller movie experience, watch it with your eyes closed and the sound turned off.

Now for the spoilers - the couple having sex get killed in the second act and Kate Beckinsale's cameo ended up on the cutting floor.