Anjos Caídos: Guerreiros da Paz

The plot's been done a million times before so you know what you're getting here, but the execution of it is so bad it's hard to watch. To start with, they acting is bad, I mean really bad. The thing about acting is you have to make the viewers think that you're feeling what you're saying instead of sounding like you're reading from a script in a monotone. Stone-faced line delivery kills the mood. Denise Richards tries but I was so distracted feeling sorry for her from what must have been a hive of bees stinging her lips before she got to the set. "MEDIC, we need Benadryl here STAT!!!" Next the writing: I couldn't tell if they were trying to sneak in a religious movie under the guise of a sci-fi action film or if the script writer had ADHD and couldn't stay on point. Third: The editing is just frustrating. There's no flow here. The movie goes from long shots to quick (and I mean real quick) cuts so many times that it's distracting; add to that when they go to hand held shaky cam mode it can bring on nausea. There's no pacing here. I've never seen a movie so bad at piecing together scenes that don't go together so often. There's too many times in this movie where you ask yourself "Ok, who is this and what's going on here?" Fourth: Fire the fight scene choreographer. I mean they must have told Cuba Gooding 'Ok, just swing the blade in this direction and we'll add the demons in post edit". Denise Richards cuts the head off of a creature that just stands there taking it, and the mano a mano fights are almost in slow motion but you realize it's real time. This movie fails on so many levels that it makes Plan 9 look like a masterpiece. Some of these reviews were obviously written by people who either made the movie or are friends or relatives trying to keep the numbers up, because there's no way this rates above a 3. The only positive in the film is the CGI was done well. At least someone did their job right.

This is The Room levels of bad. So many cringe things happen that I started laughing at the acting and the editing.

Denisse Richards looks like she got a truck full of lip filler.

Cuba Gooding Jr is fat and his lines were just terrible.

You can really watch this with some friends and just have a blast over some pizza and how impressively bad this movie is.

I've said all I want but I have 200 more characters to fill. The main character had one expression on his face the whole time. The special effects were so bad they were funny. The demons they fight were honestly hilarious looking. Randy Couture's cameo has no consequences and no reason for existing.

Oh, and the villain can't fight, no matter how hard they tried to make him look like he could.

Gabriel (Josh Burdett) is an Iraq War vet who is struggling with his war experience and lost his faith. He is visited by the angel Balthazar (Cuba Gooding Jr.) who is recruiting him for a battle to save the world.

I do wonder if this is a sly under-the-table religious film. Apparently, there is a first movie before this which is far worst. My initial take is that Cuba is looking rough. It's been a rough few years for him and I can see it in his face. As for the lead, I don't know who Josh Burdett is. All I know is that he is not the leading man type. The whole cast is a little below requirement level. The CG monsters are better than expected. The directing is weak and the writing is bad. Mostly this needs better actors.

When will I learn to check how many people have contributed to the average IMDB rating? I saw 6.5, which is comfortably above my tolerance threshold. I had also seen two pretty glowing reviews (in retrospect, I'm thinking possibly relatives of people involved in the making of the film?), so I dove. Three minutes in, however, I went back to see only 25 (at that time) people had rated it. More friends and family of cast and crew, I guess.

Sure the script was laughable, but the performances were wretched! The dialogue is painful, the main characters stare off vacantly much of the time (perhaps the actors were wishing they were anywhere but on the set), and the special effects weren't very....special. I don't think it's worth going into any more detail than that. Take your chances if you must, but I recommend a hard pass-unless you like that campy, it's so bad it's good, kind of thing.

Good?

Well, the basic idea isn't that bad. However, the execution is abominable. Script is probably OK, but the pace is terribly slow. The beginning is rhapsodic and not really connecting the pieces and everything (of course) leads to the big, umm, monster fight at the end. Acting is atrocious but the daemons should have made Ray Harryhausen (famous old stop-motion animator from way, way, waaay back) proud.

I do, however, like the tuned down music. I often find that the music score is overpowering.

The scenery is great, though. The old USSR tourist agency Intourist would have appointed a medal for the footage. Georgia is a beautiful country to visit. Except in these times since Russia occupies two major parts of the country.

But, puhlease, director/scriptwriter et al! Don't do this again! 'K?