The Theatre Bizarre

THE THEATRE BIZARRE is refreshingly blunt. It's a gutting, dismembering, and reassembling of the horror anthology film.

From the Lovecraft-inspired doom of MOTHER OF TOADS, to the gluttonous, cannibalistic overload of SWEETS, this movie is filled to the puking-point with grisly chills.

MOTHER OF TOADS- Features a couple that runs afoul of an old witch. The title comes in in demonic fashion. There's a pitch-perfect sense of overarching doom.

"I LOVE YOU"- A wicked tale about a truly obsessive, psychotic relationship.

WET DREAMS- Subjects us to a series of emasculating nightmares.

THE ACCIDENT- A meditation on the nature of death.

VISION STAINS- A unique take on the vampire / addict story. This might make you wince!

SWEETS- The ultimate breakup story, and an homage to movies like BLOOD FEAST. This might make you sick!

THEATRE GUINGOL- The wraparound segments that hold the whole bloody mess together.

Highly recommended for the non-squeamish and the openminded...

"Theater Bizarre" is a horror anthology that much reminds me of last years "Little Deaths" in that it takes some rather strange and extreme ideas for some of the stories of which there are many. So lets start at the extremely disappointing beginning...

"Mother of toads" is a totally lame and rather typical horror story about a couple on holidays meeting a strange witch inviting them to look at her Necronomicon. Some Lovecraft references, nudity and slimy frogs just don't nail it here. Total snooze fest with the laziest storyline of all.

"I love you" continues equally boring with bad acting, annoying German accents and a dysfunctional couple at the end of their relationship. Throat-slitting and blood on white sheets also don't nail it since the story goes nowhere and seems rather childish to me. Basically as forgettable as the first story and nosedives with dumb lines like "My vagina and your penis never were friends".

"Wet dreams" is about a guy having nightmares about castration and a psycho therapist telling him to open his eyes to wake up from his dreams. The whole thing ends in a rather bloody mess with a twisted idea for the end but ultimately the whole storytelling is uneven and suffers from bad acting.

"The accident" is the first highlight here. This is no real horror story but a rather slow meditation on life and death through the eyes of a mother and her little daughter who witness a motorcycle accident. This has great atmosphere and some really gripping visuals (the deer looked frightenly real and the acting is great) and is especially moody because of the perfect piano score and great editing. Unfortunately the promising short leads absolutely nowhere in the end.

"Vision stains" is some really twisted stuff by "Subconscious cruelty" director Karim Hussain. It starts off gritty with a homeless girl getting high on heroin in some dirty back alley when suddenly another girl appears and kills her and takes her eye liquid in a syringe injecting it in her own eyeball. The basic idea of transferring the last flashing pictures while dying to another person reminded me of an Italian movie with a camera (can't remember the title). But this one goes further and uses some pretty disturbing images. This one has a point to end on but honestly I found it a little uneven too.

Last but not least "Sweets" continues the disturbing imagery with some pretty nasty food fetishes and a bizarre break up scene of a couple. The guys acting is pretty incredible and makes the food fetish theme twice as bizarre. It all culminates in one of the goriest scenes of this anthology.

The surrounding Theatre-Plot with Udo Kier has some great visuals by "Wizard of Gore" Remake Director Jeremy Kasten but the lack of a story and Kiers accent which is nearly as annoying as that of the male lead in "I love you" ruin it.

After all this is your typical anthology. It fails on many levels (most of the time on the lazy storytelling) but has some nice ideas and visuals. Its hard to say which story is the best because basically the first half totally sucks and the second raises the bar a lot but because of the flaws has no real highlight. If you want some bizarre stories like in "Little Deaths" enjoy the second half but don't expect too much. Even with all those sick ideas ... when the curtain falls I was left thinking "Meeeeeh".

Theatre Bizarre [8/10] - The wrap around story takes place in a strange theatre (thus the name). Each Segment is introduced using paper mache type people acting like puppets or something. It is somewhat unsettling and each time it gives a little hint as to what is going to happen in the upcoming story. Udo Kier is fantastic and creepy as his roll as our guide. I feel this wrap around story should have had more of a point to it, but in the end, it only serves as a conduit to get us to the actual segments of the film.

The Mother Of Toads [5/10] - This segment takes its influences from HP Lovecraft, and has some really cool and unsettling imagery in them. Because of the short nature of anthology movies, we were never really given enough time with the characters to really care about them and it also feels as though they had to just wrap it up before being able to do anything. Nice makeup though.

I Love You [6/10] - Relies more on the acting chops from its stars for the majority of this part. It does not go anywhere until the last 2 or so minutes, but it does deliver one heck of a finale.

Wet Dreams [5/10] - Being directed by Savini, you know it is going to have good effects, which it does. The real question is whether it has any substance. To its credit, it does make you question what is going on, but it still feels hallow and never really crosses the line into greatness. Not bad, but not good either.

The Accident [9/10] - It feels out of place next to all these segments of horror and gore. It has a great atmosphere and you sit there wondering just what exactly is going to happen that will make you disgusted. While this never comes, you find the director knows how to set an atmosphere, and you will get a feeling from this segment you will not find in any horror movie.

Vision Stains [9/10] - The best of the entire movie. I will not go into the story, as it is best to not know anything. All I will say is that the effects are fantastic, the music brilliant, and the story original and clever. I will be thinking about this for many weeks to come. Even if you don't like these kinds of movies, you owe it to yourself to check this segment out.

Sweets [8/10] - The most artsy out of all of them. It lacks a bit of substance and you are left wanting a bit more, however the ride it takes you on is fun. There are lots of colors and artsyness that make this short stand out from the rest of the pack. I really liked it, even if I wanted more.

In the end, this is a flawed, but ultimately worth it anthology, that I hope to see more of in the future.

Overall, mostly meh.

The Mother of Toads (Stanley's contribution) is apparently a Lovecraft riff, but I was getting Argento vibes from the witch mother, the medieval European setting, and the music. It's just alright with some icky special effects and a bare bones story.

I Love You is about an obsessive guy who can't stop loving his cheating hateful wife. Also just alright, though the two leads are solid.

Wet Dreams, the Savini segment, is about a cheating man this time who gets his comeuppance from a wife who has been scorned one too many times. It's nasty though also lacking a certain danger or sense of pure chaos. It's kinda funny, kinda gross, kinda alright.

The Accident is completely out of place tonally and even so it's not very good. Airy pretensions and a somber mood don't mean much here.

Vision Stains has an interesting premise and some good moments but isn't exactly great.

Sweets is a nasty, gross, icky flip off of a segment. It's nothing but a punchline but it kinda works.

Not since the original Creepshow has there been a horror anthology as amazing as this. Comprising of six different short films, each with a different director and introductory segment, every short film is entirely different and unique in their own way and even the segments in between with Udo Kier and extremely entertaining to watch. Mother of Toads is a great B-movie throwback, I Love You is like a violent version of The Room, Wet Dreams has Tom Savini, therefore it is automatically gold, The Accident is harrowing and haunting, Vision Stains is interesting and engaging and Sweets is disgusting fun. Best horror of the year.