Aranhas

Problems With Spiders:

-Not enough spiders. -The spiders don't kill enough stupid actors. -Christa Campbell's botoxed and sadly altered faced makes her look like Michael Jackson near the end. -Not enough spiders. -When every actor flubbed a line (and they all did at some point, some more than others) it seemed like the director just waved them on to continue. -Seeing the same forty or so extras in nearly every crowd scene (watch for the red hoodie). -Not enough goddammed spiders!

I could go on, but it's hot in my apartment right now. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

As a person who always had a love for monster movies, and spiders in particular, then it was a thrill to stumble across this movie. Initially I had feared that it would have been much worse than it actually turned out to be, as the genre of monster movies tend to turn out to be campy, goofy and usually have horrible effects that are just downright painful to watch.

This 2013 "Spiders" movie, however, did come to prove my initial fears wrong. Especially because the spiders in the movie were actually quite nicely animated and looked realistic enough. Well, as realistic as you can go when dealing with a 6 foot arachnid. The creature designs were nice and held lots of good details, and it was greatly helped along the way by the good CGI. One thing did bother me though, and it was the sounds they opted to put on the spiders. Growling, screeching and hissing, come on now, seriously? It just gave the spiders a cartoon-like quality that didn't really help them along in any way as for being menacing or monstrous.

About the storyline, well it is fairly straight forward textbook scripting here; a top secret non-American experiment that took place it outer space crashes down on Earth - in New York, of course - and with it came the mutated arachnids that grow at an accelerated pace, becoming a threat to all of New York in record time. And it is up to a small handful of people to put a stop to this outer worldly threat before it is too late.

Bam. Bam. Bam. Straight out of the Hollywood 'how-to-make-a-monster-movie' manuscript. Campy story? Check. Unlikely heroes? Check. Grotesque monsters created by the hands of science? Check. Super predictable? Check. Everything you need here for a basic monster movie is present.

As for the people in the movie, well then it was fairly ordinary performances here, with mostly no outstanding performances, aside from possibly Patrick Muldoon. People did good enough jobs with their roles and characters, but there was just an general sensation of lack of enthusiasm lurking behind some performances.

Despite not adding anything new or jaw-dropping to the genre, then "Spiders" does provide good entertainment, because it is a fast-paced movie that lets you see the spiders a lot and in good detail. "Spiders" is a no-brainer; the type of movie that just lets you disconnect your brain and just ride along for the fun and entertainment. If you enjoy monster movies, then "Spiders" is well worth a watch.

Spiders (2013)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Another "big monster" movie with this one here centering on a Russian space station that crashes into the subway system of New York City. At first the "issue" seems to be clearing itself up but soon giant spiders are on a killing spree. SPIDERS somehow managed to get a theatrical release, which is kinda strange considering this really isn't any better than the type of monster pictures that show up on SyFy week after week. This is certainly far from a horrible film but I honestly couldn't recommend it over countless other low-budget "B" movies that I've seen here the past decade. At least with the movies that you see on SyFy they are cheap, fun and offer up some sort of badness. SPIDERS, on the other hand, really isn't all that fun. The title of the movie should have been "Walk Around and Talk" because that's pretty much what happens throughout the running time. We're introduced to our "heroes" who pretty much argue with one another as they walk through the streets of New York seeing all the destruction. As for the spiders, the effects are slightly better than what you'd see on SyFy but at the same time they're still pretty cheap and aren't very convincing. The look of the spiders aren't too bad as they're at least mildly entertaining. Of course, they were in 3D in the movie theater so watching at home I wasn't able to judge that. The death scenes in the film are mostly forgettable and there's just nothing special to any of them. The PG-13 rating certainly holds the film back from being "more" and, again, the stuff you see on SyFy is better.

Bad acting in a story filled with plot problems, it moves slowly and didn't even scare my wife who is terrified of spiders (which was my main motivation for renting it). The only redeeming quality was that it was actually so bad that we laughed to the point of tears at a couple spots. My favorite moment in the movie is when the main character is surrounded by a s.w.a.t. team and slowly backs away and then successfully runs away without one soldier managing to fire a single shot. The other moment I enjoyed was when the main character fights the mother spider with his fists after tanks, machine guns, and missiles failed to do any damage...sure that makes sense. This movie really doesn't deserve ten lines or ten minutes of your time, but alas my displeasure desires to have a voice.

Parts of a Soviet space station containing spiders crash to New York, which then go on to grow into gigantic beasts. For a just divorced couple it becomes a battle to save their daughter, their relationship and the city. This is slightly better than your typical Sci Fi or Asylum creature feature, but that's not exactly saying much! Much CGI here, not the worst I've seen but still pretty cheap looking. As the spiders grow they become less scary & more silly. Acting is pretty wooden, the guy playing the Russian doctor keeps letting his natural English accent seep out. I watched this in 2D so unable to comment on the 3D. It's all very predictable & instantly forgettable.