Tubarão de Malibu

OK. I saw this piece of rubbish on our Space channel. I couldn't believe how bad it was. It was so bad Donkey Punch was actually better. Clichéd. Bad acting or was it over acting. Still I watched with fascination this train wreck. Or was it a shark wreck. As to the sharks. Well they were, what can I say, over the top!

If there was one thing I kept hoping for it was that all of them, and I mean all of them were eaten by the sharks. It would save us a lot of pain.

But sometimes it is just fun to watch a really bad movie. No not Ed Wood bad but well just bad.

Watch if you dare!!!!!!

MALIBU SHARK ATTACK is the usual Z-grade shark nonsense, except made without the backing of the SyFy Channel or The Asylum this time around. It doesn't make much difference. This is an independent Canadian/Australian addition that still manages to screw up the storyline by including lots of HORRIBLE CGI effect scenes, alongside an idiotic script and some terrible performances.

Plot-wise, this isn't dissimilar to the Aussie film BAIT, with characters finding themselves trapped in a flooded location with sharks after a tsunami, but while BAIT had the money to be partway believable, this is just nonsense. A group of bad actors splash around and scream in about two foot of water, and are occasionally menaced by goblin sharks which look like they belong in a Playstation 1-era video game.

The movie is packed with whiny characters and only a couple of sudden deaths is enough to keep you watching. Otherwise it's a waste of time, a film surpassed by most other entries in this crowded sub-genre of shark attack movies.

AWFUL! Just bloody awful. The two previous reviewers must have watched this on crack (either that, or they're both flaks for the network): this is precisely the kind of B-movie that makes SciFi channel and USA Network SO unwatchable 95 percent of the time. Even the sharks were bad. That's on the dopey director, the excruciatingly bad script, the cheesy producers, and the network drones who lard the schedule with mindless babble like this. But face it: nobody watched Baywatch for its generally poor acting or the blindingly stupid scripts, either -- it was eye candy, the TV equivalent of a pulp novel. The only real eye candy here was Peta Wilson (the men were so stupid every time they spoke that they made me wince, which ruined the effect of the beefcake), and I hope Wilson at least made a decent buck off it: this one's clearly not going into her portfolio.

The 'danger in the water' movies historically have a few remarkable gems among them, but it's mostly a history of losers and throwaway flicks like this. The "Jaws" films had a much higher overall caliber, not just of directors, actors and acting, but of everything else that went into them. The rest of the "scary fish" subgenre (yes, I know sharks are really mammals) shown on cable channels like this are only made for USA/SciFi to be filler in between equally fake wrestling -- perfect for a summer schedule that just reeks of old, cheap USA Network (for SciFi, read idiot dungeons-magic-and-talking-dragons flicks and horror-aboard-the-spaceship instead). It's like for 10 or 12 weeks of the year, they're willing to tolerate a decent series or two like BSG, Eureka, the Stargate series, Burn Notice or Royal Pains, then they go the cheap-ass route the rest of the year and expect us not to notice.

This is just the same insult offered by USA/SciFi over and over again. They learned nothing from their experience with Battlestar Galactica, which brought them tons of adult ***and female*** viewers whom they are now insistently driving away. Way to go, bozos.

What I might enjoy more is video of the USA Network/SciFi execs and the 'pro' wrestlers getting eaten by a few real sharks so that we didn't have to watch them **OR** crap like this anymore. It doesn't matter how they spell it, SciFi or SyFy or Schmy-Fi -- it still translates to trash, and if it weren't for the occasional treasure like Eureka and Battlestar Galactica, nobody would bother with this channel EXCEPT 15-year-old boys: they're the only ones dumb enough to fall for this crap. Which is why I've spent my summer watching BSG on DVD and reruns of La Femme Nikita online instead.

"What I might enjoy more is video of the USA Network/SciFi execs and the 'pro' wrestlers getting eaten by a few real sharks so that we didn't have to watch them **OR** crap like this anymore."

Well, you could change the channel....

"(yes, I know sharks are really mammals)"

Actually, sharks are NOT mammals: they are fish that bear live young, in most species.

I'll be watching "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" tonight("Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" is on opposite "Malibu Shark Attack"). Debbie Gibson AND Lorenzo Lamas? Must-watch TV!

I gave this film a six out of ten simply because it really isn't a good movie, although, it is highly entertaining. This is the type of movie that used to keep me from changing the channel.

Syfy (formerly Sci-fi Channel) used to show 90% - 95% science fiction, with IMO about 1/2 of the programming being fairly good shows and the other half being cheesy, goofy, and really not that good, but still all very entertaining. They have since outweighed their science fiction shows and movies with Syfy Original reality TV programming. This has cause me to change channels, and often avoid Syfy for days while nothing but reality TV programming and early morning infomercials dominate several days of each week. My TV used to be locked on Syfy, only changing to other channels for a few hours each week to watch some of my favorite new shows on other networks, like Fringe, Smallville, Heroes, and a few others here and there, but I would always return the channel to Syfy when those other shows were over.

Movies like this one, "Malibu Shark Attack" are great to have on while working from home, surfing the Internet, and doing other things that take attention away from the TV show that is on. I can't count the number of times I've either missed a good show and been upset for this same reason, or failed to get something done that was important because I was watching something really good on TV. Having movies like this on, which is why I used to love Syfy, is a gift. I can watch it and be entertained if I'd like or have it on in the background and get something done (like this review I'm writing right now as this movie is showing - I've seen it at least twice already) knowing that it will show again within several weeks.

A movie doesn't have to be great to be worth watching. This movie is, as I say again, entertaining. I would rather watch this, and movies of this quality (or lack thereof if you prefer) and be entertained than watch reality TV programming about anything, and that's what is taking over Syfy and much of television today. If you don't have to see a great movie and want something entertaining, good enough to hold your attention if you'd like, and has decent (or at least fun) effects, this movie is for you. Someone mentioned in one of these review that they don't know where Malibu is located. I don't live far from Malibu, which is in one of the most well known counties and states in the country, so for those few who haven't heard of landslides in Malibu, oceanfront property, celebrities who live in Malibu, or one of many other references to Malibu, I'll throw you one bone - Pacific Coast Highway runs through it. If you still don't know, look it up. You're on the Internet, so Google it! In any event, enjoy "Malibu Shark Attack!"