The Black Knight Returns

Easily the most awful movie made in years. Devoid of plot, good acting, intelligent writing, good action or even good-looking stars, one can only ask why this movie was made. With a threadbare plot based loosely on some kind of psychic rebirth of the Black Knight, who fights crime, the movie rambles on for nearly 90 minutes on nothing but the naked audacity of its makers. Any two clowns on the street could manage more realistic fight sequences than are staged here. The quality of this movie is not even bad-funny, just too bad for human viewing. As of this review, 7 viewers have, on average, managed to give this film just over 5 stars. I can only ask: are you kidding? A high school film class could easily best this effort. If I could have rated it zero, I would have. Do yourself a favor and forget you ever saw this title on IMDb.

I wasn't going to write a review of this movie until I read some of the others and became incensed (for their benefit, that's a fancy word for very annoyed, by the way). You know, there are some very negative people out there who seem to expect a Steven Spielberg or Ang Lee masterpiece every time they insert a DVD (probably downloaded and burned for free in the first place) into their player. I would love to know what those people have hanging on their living room walls posing as "art"! I'll bet they don't have original Renoirs or Rembrandts or even Miro or Chagalls or, for that matter, original anythings! (in fact, I'll bet they probably wouldn't know any of those if they saw them!) As it is, they probably have a portrait of a green-faced oriental girl or a print of Constable's "Hay Wain" without knowing who painted the original!

OK, this is not an A-grade or even a B-grade movie if you are judging by Hollywood or Ealing standards. But let me ask you negative people, if you had a son or daughter studying screen production at university and this was their class's product for their final assignment being shown at the campus cinema, along with all the other assignments, wouldn't you be there crowing about how your kid had been part of it? And, if you do have a kid at uni, don't say you wouldn't because I can tell you, you're lying!

If you took the trouble to read the end credits, you would have noticed that several jobs were done by the same people which immediately tells us that this was (if NOT a uni assignment) someone's "have-a-go" effort at making a movie - which, I suspect, is something those negative critics wouldn't have the get-up-and-go to get off their recliners in front of their TVs and do!

As a university screen-production graduate myself, I can tell everyone who has anything negative to say about this movie that, if my class had produced this, we would have been quite happy to present it to our faculty for assessment. Yes, if I had been the director, I might have done some things a bit differently (although I can't readily give any examples). To be honest, I would love to know the story behind the making of "The Black Knight - Returns" because that would definitely colour my opinion of it.

Some have been just as critical of the cast but, again, I wouldn't mind betting that none of them got paid but did it just for the fun of it. Cheryl Texiera should seriously seek a career in acting as, in my opinion, with some professional tuition, she could become a star.

So, no, I cannot give this movie more than a score of 5 but that I WILL give it, because it is patently obvious that it was never made to be a blockbuster and the people who did make deserve some encouragement and credit!

I could not make it through the first 2 minutes without turning it off. So this review is for the first 2 minutes only.

2/10 stars is sufficient to tell you:

1) The movie is not worth the time I just wrote this. But I am writing this so that you will not watch more than the 2 minutes.

2) If you believe this was a grade school assignment, then it is definitely merits 2 stars for sheer effort.

3) If anyone who was involved in creating, producing and selling this movie are to read this, please try doing something else for your own sake.

review scale inadequate for what i want ... 5 out of ten is averaging a 10-and-1 score

i actually enjoyed this beast and hope they do a sequel that maintains the awesome cool ... the incredible Chinese-opera fight scenes, the absolute tongue-in-cheek totality of the thing together with the curious sincerity of the soap opera ... dunno ... if this kind of thing is your bag, u want to see this

that's it in a quick-food-to-go pack

but to be posted i need 10 lines of text, the host site advises

so let me say further that they need to vamp the mad dichotomy vastly further, like the best of the cartoon world(s) or Vonnegut or Kafka or anyone when they're hot ... this baby got mid-warm on the average, but nevertheless with my very high overall praise

special hat-tip to the human vocal quality

also to the US$20,000 budget ... shot in the contemporary LA area ... good job, that

repeat ... i seriously enjoyed this flick

This movie makes me long for Ed Wood.

The only reason I want info about this middle school grade movie is to track down the people who made this movie and have their Internet cut off.

This is NOT YouTube..... Delete it from IMDb. (I don't care if they're paying customers.)

I'm forced to write a whole ten lines about this to have it accepted as a review. I could write 10 lines but they'd get me banned from here in the blink of an eye.

Here are a few things wrong in the 1st 2 minutes: - No sound effects in the opening fight scene. Well, there is, but only between music clips. - The main bad guy has so many festering pimples, I wanted to woof my cookies. No.... it isn't makeup. He even has a few scabbed over on his ear lobes. - My 10 year old made his own costume for Halloween that was better (really). They should have hired him. - Instead of running away from a discovered bomb, they have time to gaze into each other's eyes, hold hands and wait for the explosion. But it makes sense if it was suicide for being suckered into acting in this movie.