Closed for the Season

Yeah, it doesn't get much worse than CLOSED FOR THE SEASON, which has to be one of the cheapest, dumbest, worst-looking horror films I've seen in a good while. The only - and I mean ONLY - good thing this production has going for it is that it was filmed in a genuinely abandoned theme park somewhere in the US. But everything else is the pits.

The story is vague, ambiguous, and boring. There's not enough plotting to sustain an hour-long running time so why they made this an excruciating two hours I'll never know. The storyline involves a young woman (Aimee Brooks, forgettable) trapped in an abandoned theme park at night, where events from the past are forced to play themselves out for eternity.

There are extraneous characters who come and go in the plot and attempts at a surreal atmosphere a la CARNIVAL OF SOULS but none of the atmosphere-building works. Instead we get tons of dumb moments involving incredibly cheesy gore effects and people dressed up in CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON costumes. CLOSED FOR THE SEASON also employs some absolutely HORRENDOUS CGI effects in the form of a CGI roller-coaster in the opening scene. I actually guffawed when I saw how awful it looked. Sadly it's the most entertaining scene (albeit unintentionally) of an otherwise worthless film.

Not the worst horror film I've ever seen but not for lack of trying. Being a long-time fan of horror movies as well as circus and carnival thrillers, I was looking forward to enjoying a feature combining the best of both worlds minus perhaps the extreme surrealism of Alex de la Iglesia's "The Last Circus". This one, unfortunately, failed to deliver at any level. Had I been shackled before the screen, I would have seriously considered chewing off a leg to escape the very real horror of a complete and utter waste of film stock. Here's hoping the wonderfully spooky atmosphere of Chippewa Lake Park will one day serve as locale for a well-executed and memorable fright film. Closed for the Season? Closed for a reason.

Kept hoping it'd get better but the first 5 minutes pretty much tell you how interesting the whole movie is going be. The boring just never ends. It just goes on, and on, and on. Occasionally the boring gets spiced up with some confusing, some irrelevant, and some totally lame CGI. The story makes little sense, the actors are terrible and the plot is retarded. It keeps jumping around from one strange (and still boring) scene to another as if whoever wrote it, simply made it up as they went along, hoping to make a quick buck. Pathetic. Boring. You don't even care how it ends or what happens to any of the characters. I couldn't wait for it to hurry up and end. If you have absolutely nothing better to do and someone else paid for it - meh, go ahead and waste your time. Otherwise - avoid.

A girl wakes up into a dilapidated amusement park and seems to drift from nightmare to nightmare until she meets the caretaker of the park, who's willing to anchor her back to reality. But the nightmare doesn't end that easily and the newly-found couple are haunted and pursued by the ghosts of the park, including the Monster from the Lake, the Alligator and most of all, Carny, who holds the key to their escape.

The 1st five minutes firmly establish a dreamlike quality, an ethereal half-sleep that holds on until the very last reel. For once, the CGI helps more than hinder, giving the effects an old Hollywood magic. Still, the strength of "CFTS" is that it never drifts into complete absurdity, even at its most awkward. Each kooky segment leads to the final revelation, which of course is love.

There's enough humor, grue & thrills to keep the unprepared audience satisfied, and those that are willing to take the plunge will be taken for a creepy and poetic ride.

What were these folks thinking when they cobbled together a full two hours of two bad actors running around an abandoned fairground being harassed by an old man portraying some sort of ghost-carny? They must have been making this one up as they went along, because it starts off confusing, settles into mediocrity, then tries to give you some explanation if you're still awake by the end of it.

This long, boring, film reminds of that old eighties film Spookies. Only worse. Yep, this film is worse that Spookies.

I'd imagine they were aiming for some sort of vibe like The Beyond, where the whole film plays out like a surreal nightmare that makes little sense, but is ultimately rewarding.

In fact, just watch that instead.