Return to Splatter Farm

Ignore the bad reviews on this movie and just watch it.

As a professional actor I can tell you right now the first opening scene of the movie was done very theatrical with elements of the farm used from green screen (look behind the girl wearing glasses, you'll notice.) Also the two actors in this opening scene clearly are using queue cards to prompt them with their lines. This is what you call 'bad acting.'

Beyond the opening scene I couldn't watch much further. I give it another 10 minutes and then just turned off. The fake blood was just as bad! I don't know what was used but it just didn't even look remotely effective.

If you have zero brain cells and want to lose more, then this is your film.

Only the cover of the film is worth looking at.

I think sometimes with horror films, we tend to forgive bad acting and a diabolical script as par for the course. We try and enjoy it for what it is. This however, is an exception to that rule. Painfully bad in absolutely every aspect, rendering it almost unwatchable. Another 90 minutes of my life goes sailing into the abyss that I'll never get back 🙄

If you've watched a Polonia brothers film before, then you know they have a certain vibe to them. If you get it, then you understand why they are such a fun time. Some are better than others, but this my friends...is a masterpiece.

First things first, the runtime. A perfect 71 mins. It doesn't take long for the carnage to start, and when it does it never stops. The acting all around from the cast was pretty decent, for a slasher flick vibe. They hit all the right notes on the 80s tone it seemed to be going for. Great music (especially the return to Splatterfarm theme song at the end) I often catch my roommates and myself singing it around the house.

Now the kills. In true polonia fashion, the kills didn't disappoint. However, they did try some new things that I was NOT prepared for. For example in Bigfoot Vs Zombies there was someone being ripped apart by zombies. When his organs were being torn out, if you had a keen eye you could tell it was just a red shirt. In this film, something similar is happening but they didn't use a shirt... it was clearly a nice sausage (probably from the farm I bet). Anyways, all of the kills were creative and fun.

Now onto the plot. Well, we don't watch these movies for that now do we.

Theirs really only one more thing to discuss with this film, and that's Jeff Kirdendall's performance as the killer. He really brought it for this movie. He definitely took some risks acting wise, but they paid off big time. Easily his best performance to date, and I've seen like 8 of his movies.

So yeah, definitely check this out and support these guys. There is something really Wholesome about them, and if you include a friend and a fun substance. You might just find yourself making an IMDb account and writing a review. 10/10.