The tagline for this one should read something like this: C-list non-actors accosted by roving hair-suit idiot with massive Sasquatchian pepperoni nipples!
Well that was quite terrible.....having seen "Suburban Sasquatch" the other day gang, I can confidently tell you all that it's easily among the worst films ever made - and dare I say it, in it's most charming of moments this stinking, low-budget, crapfest of a movie has something of a Birdemic-quality to it. So that's something in it's favor, I guess. Of obvious amateur make Suburban Sasquatch is profoundly sub-par in all possible aspects and that's especially true when speaking of the acting that's seen throughout the film. But worse yet are the horrifically bad (sub-Birdemic quality) CGI effects which very frequently stain and smear the screen with copious amounts of computer-generated gore; the films CGI effects are simply among the worst ever seen anywhere. Combine those terrible effects with the fact that this movie was shot on video and you have one of the most visually cringeworthy collision of pixels ever assimilated in the form of a movie.
The films cast is simply beyond terrible and all have day jobs, this is especially true for "Rick" the films scrappy and "quick-witted" reporter. This-shlub-has-absolutely-no-business-being-in-movies! And then there's "John" the sheriff whose just as inept, but he just doesn't have as much screen time to show off his pitifully pathetic acting talents. But perhaps the most pathetic part of this movie is the Sasquatch itself...or rather the Sasquatch's suit; for starters the fur on the hands does not match the rest of it's fur and the mask looks as phony as can be. BUT best (worst?) of all are those massive-inverted-Sasquatchian-pepperoni-nipples!!! Just who was the perv who made that obscene suit?
And so as this most heavy-handed of hack-jobs neared conclusion I found myself cataloging all the usual amateurish mistakes, and let me tell you along the way I checked-off virtually all the mistakes typically made by amateur film crews (continuities EVERYWHERE, bad lighting, inconsistent sound, etc) though surprisingly enough I don't recall ever seeing the boom-mike in frame, so good job there guys! All in all this film really does have a Birdemic feel to it, BUT it's even worse and has an even lower budget. I can say that Suburban Sasquatch does get off to a much faster start, because after all there's murder in the air.
And on the matter of memorable director cameos just forget about Sorcese in Taxi Driver or any of Hitchcock's trademark pop-ins, this film has the absolute best one AND at the same time we also get one of the best reaction shots ever "Dave...".
So wrapping things up Suburban Sasquatch is bad on all counts, BUT it also has many moments of purely nonsensical fun. But I warn you to only watch it once - your brain will thank you for that later on.
Very, very, few movies are worse than Suburban Sasquatch and on that note - Sasquatch Nipples over and out!
