Nikos the Impaler

This is a truly abysmal movie, this is one of those movies where you can truly see that acting and saying your lines takes a least a bit of talent, and most, if not ALL in this movie has the acting talent of a three year old, they.... well they SUCK, i have seen better acting from kindergarter plays. The story is acceptable if nothing fancy, but the rest is bad or worse, the "gore" effects are laughable, this is truly a LOW budget movie, and it shows in every single scene. Normally i dont mind naked females in movies, but here it was so... not needed, the scene with the naked women was just sad.

The only way to watch this movie is with drugs and/or a lot of drunk, REALLY drunk friends, then it would most likely be a godsend, or at least viewable.

NIKOS THE IMPALER is not actual moviemaking. It's really nothing more than a group of people wondering how much carnage they can orchestrate with a limited budget. Even for those who enjoys gore, as I do occasionally, NIKOS doesn't offer enough COMPETENT gore and blood and guts to satisfy.

Perhaps the real audience of NIKOS is those who doesn't require their gore to be well done. If so, then NIKOS is for them. It's mostly childish gore, and most of the killings come by way of decapitations. Really, once you've seen five characters getting their heads badly chopped off by a big sword, do you really need to see 10 more?

4 out of 10

(go to www.nixflix.com for a more detail review and reviews of films in this genre)

Prepare to laugh like you've never laughed before, people. Andreas Schnaas is the new Ed Wood! He can barely line up a shot, and whoever edits for him acts like he just bought his first iMac and is trying to puzzle his way through iMovie without reading the manual or even the onscreen tutorial. This is absolutely glorious cheese, a one-movie festival of filmmaking ineptitude, with performances that wouldn't pass muster in a high school play. The gore scenes will have you rolling on the floor in such convulsions of hilarity that EMS might have to be called in to feed you oxygen. When Nikos is brought back to life and promptly hacks off the head of the grandmotherly museum curator (with a totally "plywood spray-painted silver" sword), I thought I'd wake up the whole block with my laughter. This movie is fecal beyond the dreams of proctologists, but I swear, if you want to have an MST3K movie party at your place one night, your guests won't need to get wasted or toke up to appreciate this comedy of errors!

Actual worth as a film: 0/10 "Cracking up all your friends at a party" value: 10/10

Aw, come on, another shot-on-video horror movie? Wait, what's that? Starring the Legendary Felissa Rose? And a special appearance by Lloyd Kaufman? Directed by Andreas Schnaas??? Well, hot damn, I'm sold. This gore-drenched super-8-epic begins in 11th Century Romania. A Barbarian with a chip on his shoulder, Nikos, kills and eats just about anyone he feels like. One night, some torch-baring Romanians finally put an end to the monster, in a scene right out of Anthropophagus, simply gruesome. Fast forward to present day New York. Somehow, Nikos is resurrected in a Museum, when blood touches his mask, whatever. After a lot of dialog, and not much else, Nikos slaughters nearly everyone in sight, right before taking it to the streets of New York City to make up for lost time. Nikos goes on a rampage, slaughtering everyone in his path, to a mostly speed-metal soundtrack. As if senseless mutilations weren't enough, Nikos eventually resurrects Hitler to join him, along with a zombie, a vampire, and even some Ninja's for good measure. That actually sounds pretty stupid, now that I think about it. Stupid, but completely Hardcore. Andreas Schnaas has mastered the art of the gore film.

That's right, gang, German Gore has invaded the U.S. although things seemed a little more German in Germany, oh well. If you dig excessive (comical) gore, and don't mind watching something that didn't take $80 Million to make, you might not hate Nikos The Impaler, and if you're slightly disturbed, like someone I know, you might even develop an affection for it. Just about as gory as Schnaas's previous sin, Zombie Doom, although, it's not every day you see senior citizens slaughtered so graphically, so, obviously, in some ways, Nikos is better, especially if you consider that shower scene. This Schnaas guy obviously has a love for classic gore, it shows in his creativity, we need more guys out there like this lunatic. Nikos The Impaler isn't nearly as terrible as some of these other reviews might imply, seriously, it isn't that bad. For something that is THAT bad, check out Zombie '90, and this one will look real interesting, real fast. Who the hell cares, anyway? Starring Felissa Rose!! That fact alone should make up for any inconvenience Nikos may cause. 8/10

My questions is-How much were people paid to give positive reviews for this piece of crap? Maybe they were sent free screener copies of film and they felt obligated to say nice things about it? I say this because I was fooled by the reviews and I went out and bought this piece of garbage. I was expecting a semi professional film at least but I was wrong! This thing is nothing more then a glorified home video and a really poor one at that.

The gore was maybe the worst, most amateur looking work that I've ever seen in a film. The acting was horrid. Everything about this movie was terrible! I mean, if this is the director's best work, then I can't imagine how bad his other films had to be. How can any film be worse then this thing?!

Do yourself a favor. Take my word for it, this movie is awful! Not so bad it's good or anything like that, it's just plain awful. A complete waste of time and money. AVOID IT.