Secrets of Beauty

Here is an almost indescribable film, combining elements of a classic "women's film" about a failing marriage, a classic "educational film" about the desiderata of mid 20th century American cultural mores, and a classic "Hollywood documentary" featuring behind-the-scenes glimpses of how cinematic technical crew members work their wonders. The two titles under which it was released -- "Beauty Secrets" and "Why Men leave Home" exemplify and pinpoint at least two of the genres this movie is trying to serve.

Ern Westmore plays himself, as one of the famous Westmore Brothers makeup artists, but only in subservience to an actual plot -- and a well-acted one at that -- which comes with a welcome splash of Ida Lupino-like human interest and lack of moralizing about a man and woman whose marriage is coming unglued. Imagine Ida Lupino's "The Bigamist" crossed with a risible educational film about cosmetics and you might have some idea of what this movie is about.

Whether you watch it because you like marriage dramas, get a kick out of the unconsciously funny culturally normative educational-exploitational films of the mid 20th century, or want a chance to see a master Hollywood technical wizard reveal his artistry, i think you will enjoy this film. You will also get the bonus of trying to come up with some way to describe what it's actually all about -- not an easy task, as you can see by reading my attempt to do so!

I have to admit, "Why Men Leave Home" (aka "The Secrets of Beauty") inspired a new look for me; I have taken Ern Westmore's tips (I'm an oval face) and discovered a lovelier, more confident Lang Jr.. Ern says he can make any woman look more beautiful -- I'm here to say it does the same for men as well. Hats off to Ern!

This run-of-the-mill husband-leaves-home film invokes naps, but has its moments. The "Fat Twins" from Arkansas sing like the Andrews Sisters, but take up more space. Ginger Prince's solo -- The Big Parade -- is fortunately short and unintelligible. Kroger Babb -- the man himself -- makes an appearance as a Hollywood producer. Ern Westmore could have a field day with Krog (a round face). Best part is the introduction at the convention, where the MC announces that Ern Westmore has worked at "Paramount, 20th Century Fox and...Hallmark Films," (Krog's vast cinema empire). Look for Krog's un-subtle pitch for his boozy classic "One Too Many" in Uncle Marty's office. Also, a lady does sit-ups wearing an evening dress.

Krog had success palming off his $1.00 "sex hygiene" manuals during roadshows for "Mom and Dad", but couldn't peddle too many $10.00 make-up kits with this dud. He would never "make-up" his earlier success.