Payne

Suppose you`re an executive of a TV company and a producer runs in saying " Hey let`s rework FAWLTY TOWERS and set it in America " What would you do ? I think the more humane amongst us would sack the producer on the spot , while the less humane would decapitate him for having an idea so bad it borders on the psycotic . I doubt if anyone would say " Hey what a great idea , lets do it "

PAYNE isn`t as bad as it could have been , the worst thing they could have done is copy the scripts word for word and hope for the best, but it`s still a bad sitcom. Royal and Connie Payne love each other and it`s revealed Royal is a great lover not something that can be said about Basil Fawlty who we can believe hasn`t had sex for many years. So you see the character interaction of Sybil and Basil is missing as is the class obsession and sarcasm of Mr Fawlty which made him one of the most memorable people in television history . There`s a bellhop who `s Mexican which means he can speak Spanish and is a Manual to Royal Payne`s Basil Fawlty and that`s about the only half decent crossover from the Cleese/Booth masterwork . PAYNE is only worth watching for the novelty value

This really ought to qualify as one of the worst television shows of all-time, no kidding. Right up there with Supertrain, The New Odd Couple and all the others in that elite category, that rarefied air. And the fact that it's a cheap knockoff of John Cleese's masterpiece Fawlty Towers isn't even the issue. The jokes and situations are hardly original and the characterizations are downright awful. I actually felt embarrassed for Larroquette, who I think is one of the most underrated comic actors in the world. Granted, he's no Cleese, but he's not that far below him, either. JoBeth Williams was just terrible, as are the Polly and Manuel ripoff characters. It's just plain tasteless, lame and stupid. That Larroquette's character on the show is actually named "Royal Payne" should give you an idea of the intelligence level involved in the humor. "Night Court" and the fabulous "John Larroquette Show" have this turkey beat eight ways to Sunday. An absolute piece of garbage. 0 * out of 4

"Payne" is not "Faulty Towers", and it suffers because of the obvious comparison. While "Payne" may have its occasional moments of amusement, it is a sanitized, cliched and overall dimmer relative to the original British series, that sparkled so brightly with wit and comic timing. Let's face it, John Laroqette is no John Cleese. Not by a long shot...

The US has a history of lifting successful comedy formats from the UK, some of which have proved as successful - and occasional more so - than the original templates. Steptoe and Son became Sanford and Son, Till Death Us Do Part begat All in the Family, Man About the House mutated into Three's Company. Payne is not one of those shows.

Much as the US version of Coupling appears to have surgically sliced out the sex and sarcasm which made the original so funny, the team behind Payne seems unable to grasp that none of the characters in Fawlty Towers are meant to be likable, with the possible exception of Polly. Basil acts superior but has deep insecurities, Sybil is a self- centred bitch, Manuel is an idiot, even the guests are barely coherent.

But that's what makes them human. And funny. And whilst we bemoan the fact that Cleese & Booth produced only a dozen episodes of Fawlty Towers, we can sit agog that Payne made it as far as nine.

Really. None. A poor rip-off of Fawlty Towers but without the charm (or the Cleese) of the original. It's a testament to bad taste that more than one episode was made. If you see this in the listings, do yourself a favour and avoid it like the (bubonic) plague - you can use the time to pull your fingernails out instead (it'll be more enjoyable).