Girl in Gold Boots

When it comes to bad movies,this movie is bad. Not quite 'Hobgoblins' or 'Space Mutiny' bad, but bad enough. As for boring, this ranks up there with 'Blood Waters of Dr. Z.' and if you're an MST3K fan like me, you know how bad that is.

Now on to the movie. Well, if you mix together a bad plot, an overplayed dance number, lame acting, a cheesy script, drugs, and greasy non-threatening villains, you've pretty much have this movie. Oh my, and the sorry excuse for an editing job! This is the most poorly edited movie I've ever seen, next to 'Future War', another great MST3K episode. In one scene the mousy villain appears out of nowhere next to the 'heroes'. It's THAT BAD!

Movies are supposed to entertain and tell a coherent story line. This one fails horribly at both. Watch it only on MST3K! Anyone who enjoys it any other way is SICK!!!!!

...That really shouldn't have been combined. One half of the film is a woman chasing her dream of being a go-go dancer. The other half is about the seedy side of drug use, and drug pushers. Some films do well against the test of time. This one fell flat 10 seconds after its release. Bad acting and a second-rate band shoot this one down.

If Offbeat Cinema hasn't grabbed Girl In Gold Boots for one of their late evenings roasts than they are not doing their job in finding some of the worst cinema put on celluloid. This must have been a great second feature in the drive-ins in 1968 when people were getting down to something else.

On That Seventies Show one of the funniest lines I ever heard was from pretty and vapid Mila Kunis who said that nothing was ever going to get in the way of her ambition to becoming a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. That same sense of purpose exists with our leading lady Leslie McRae who dreams of going out to Los Angeles and becoming a go-go dancer. It certainly beat slinging hash in that New Mexico diner with her drunken father. When Tom Pace comes into her life saying he's going to LA where his sister does just that, McRae hears enough and jumps in the car with him. Along the way they pickup another wandering stranger Jody Daniels and the three of them are off to Tinseltown after Pace robs a filling station.

They find Pace's sister, a drugged out dancer working for club owner Mark Herron who's got his fingers in a lot enterprises, mostly illegal. Pace doesn't really care about his sister, he just sees opportunity for himself and McRae gets hired as a new dancer and Daniels becomes a club janitor. Herron indicates that Daniels could do better for himself with him and you can take that any number of ways.

The film is one sorry mess, lousy sound recording, inane plot, totally bogus climax to this piece of drama. If you recognize the name of Mark Herron it will be because you remember who was Judy Garland's fourth husband. Mark wasn't doing that great before he married Judy, and when she cut him loose this was the best his meager talent could get.

Oh and the music is bad Sixties music and the acting on the level of some of my grade school plays. When will Offbeat Cinema be showing Girl In Gold Boots?

I absolutely love this movie, I don't know why. It's terrible in all of its parts. I've seen epileptics who have better dance moves than the title character and the girl Michelle. The songs are mediocre at best, the continuity and editing are both terrible, almost everybody in the film is oily looking and/or ugly, and there is no plot to speak of whatsoever. That said, for some reason despite these things(or maybe because of them), this movie is hilarious. The MST3K version is a delight, although something tells me that I'd still laugh a lot just watching it uncut. Michelle is not only the most untalented dancer that I've ever seen, she is dumber than a bag of hammers. 'Critter' is blandly good looking and not very talented at his chosen craft either. Buzz is a horrible little greaseball, and yet Michelle shacks up with him because he promises her that he can help her become a dancer with the aid of his drugged out sister(who also is a completely untalented dancer). But then, considering her disgusting drunker father, who she was still living and working with even though she had to be in her mid-twenties at least - Michelle does not have good taste in men or the brains to know when its a bad idea to shack up with a guy who carries a gun and pistol whips people with it at the drop of a hat. They all get mixed up with an oily drug dealer, and Buzz ends up killing a guy over heroin. He just gets better and better! The immensely lame 'plot' sort of trails off, as Critter goes off to fight in Vietnam after pummeling Buzz and Leo half to death. This after many, many horrible scenes of Michelle and/or Buzz's sister dancing. Stupid, completely stupid. But somehow, delightfully so. Makes me laugh every time I watch it.

Before there was "Showgirls" there was "Girl in Gold Boots". This film is even worse and worse made. You know, I really think the director took himself seriously when he made this movie. Sad, is it not? But I think he didn't realize that he had a budget to stick to when making this movie.

The plot? Michele is a wanna be dancer (who really can't dance, but we're lead to believe she's the best) but is unfortunately kept with her alcoholic father in the popular restaurant "Eat". But when a Kasey Kasim wanna be walks in with promises to make her a professional dancer with the help from his sister who is the "main attraction" in L.A., she leaves within the blink of an eye. On their way they pick up a hitchhiker, Critter. Of course there will be tension since everyone loves Michele's looks.

When they finally arrive in L.A., and there is Christmas decorations all around Hollywood, where's a better place to go than a haunted house? But it's just a hidden dance joint where the dancers look like they're more having seizures and clucking like a chicken then dancing. Michele, Buz, and Critter get involved deeper than they would want in the business with a slick greasy pusher who owns the joint. When Buz's sister, Joanie, is obviously in bad shape from drugs and possibly overdosing on the fake eyelashes, she confesses that she once had a "pretty mind" and tells Michele to get out before Leo, the pusher, takes her down too. But can Critter and Michele make it alive when they already know too much about a plot and a murder that doesn't make much sense?

Oh, man. You have no idea how poorly made this film was made, I mean we're talking just God-awful acting, poor sound, bad editing, atroshish writing, and a horrific picture. I just loved how in one scene, it's just Critter and Michele are sitting ALONE at a table, but in the blink of an eye Buz is in the picture. I loved MSTK3's commentary "I'm back! Come on! I just teleported here! It's impressive!". Watch the MSTK3 episode, that's the only way you'll enjoy the film.

1/10 for the film 10/10 for MSTK3's version