Beware: Children at Play

Me and my 15-year-old cousin recently watched this movie. Lately we'd been really into horror/slasher films. We rented some movies and saved this video until last. (We had read the warning label on the front and got really excited.) We should of known by the first 20 minutes of the film that it was going to be boring. Sure, we are just 2 teenagers, right? Well we still think that this movie isn't recomended for ANY age. It was awful! I'd give it * out of *****

After reading some of the outraged viewer comments I decided to write give my 1 cent. I am a 31 year old b-horror movie obsessed freak that still lives with his parents- so maybe that explains my taste in absolute trash. Over the years I have obtained a collection of dvds, videos, and laserdiscs that puts most video stores to shame (of course that is not saying much these days with Blockbuster and Hollywood video stores horrible horror section). Since I couldn't rent this at the time I bought this, I purchased this after seeing some clips of children being shot in really unrealistic fashion I couldn't resist.

The key is this- very campy. All you "Grudge-Ring-I know What You Did Last Summer with Van Helsing" fans will probably not "get it". What is there to get, you may ask? It's just funny, funny that a movie was put together professionally, shot on 35 mm film, that has scenes where children get shot on screen and they actually use squibs (some of you know what squibs are). Yes, you can see the kids breathing, strings connected arrows, and blood tubes, etc. But that's why I bought it.

So, the film as a whole is not that entertaining, but the death sequences are worth it for you fans of the bottom of the barrel films. Have fun. I'm going to go back to my room before my mom asks me to take the trash out.

OK, I love horror, I live horror, I write horror and make money at it too, and I'm easy to please . . . but, *Beware! Children at Play* is laughable and downright ridiculous. And, maybe, just maybe, that's what makes it so fun to watch, if anything else.

Talk about wooden acting, this has it twofold. But heck, would you buy a film titled *Beware! Children at Play*, by TROMA INC. nonetheless, and honestly trust to see Academy Award winning performances? I hope not. However, these are REALLY bad.

The main character has the voice of Terry `Hollywood Hulk' Hogan, as well as his acting capacity. And the whole plot premise is totally unbelievable. The police protocol, as it is portrayed in this movie, is bogus . . . not real life by any stretch of the imagination. The scene where the little girl is taken from her back yard and the way in which it is handled made me feel stupid just sitting there watching. So silly that it gives fiction a whole new meaning. Some of the dialogue is up to par, though. The ending isn't all that great as some of the reviewers would have you believe-typical TROMA gore-splatter effects. I think with a camcorder, friends, neighbors, and a few thousand dollars, I could make *Beware! Children at Play: Part 2*. Actually, I know I could.

I'm sure it goes without saying, that this film is good if you know what kind of B-movie trash is to be found here before you give 90 MIN. of your life to it, and were intentionally seeking this type of entertainment. In fact, I'm sure this would be killer kewl to watch if I was a fifth or sixth grader, or possibly still a junior high schooler. If I were fourteen again, I'd probably be watching it with friends on the weekend, playing PlayStation or XBOX, eating pizza, and having a great time. Actually at thirty I still do this, but that's beside the point.

Bottom line I guess is: *Beware! Children at Play* sucks, sucks, sucks . . . and I bought it on VHS.

The movie starts out with a boy and his father camping in the woods. The father gets caught in a trap, they cannot get help, and the boy ends up showing his cannibalistic tastes by attacking his father. As the boy grows he kidnaps children and they form a type-of cannibal cult. And then... well just watch. The film has some great (cheesy) special effects. And the end will definitely make you love this movie. Trust me, if you think the beginning is boring, just sit in till the end.

This was a great movie. It's underated by a lot of people. I believe that mostly every movie by TROMA is great. My all time favorite is "Mother's Day" it's the best horror film ever! The beginning of this film deals with a man and his son on a camping trip. The man is playing a game of "Hide and Seek" with the kid. And the man falls into a bear trap and dies after about 3 days. His last wish is that the kid does not starve so he tells is son Glenn to, well, eat him! And then the kid turns into an awful killing machine. Eating adults everywhre. And then we meet a man taking his family to visit an old army buddy who lives in the town where the children are being abducted (Tromaville as said on the box.) His daughter was abducted and Glenn made her his queen, you could say. But I'll let you see it yourself. Let me tell you the end of this film (as in Mother's Day) is a horror classic not to be missed by anyone. There is a warning on the front of the box that says it should not be watched by Preagnant women or people with Heart Conditions. It's all a hoax the film isn't that scary. But it shows what I like to call 80's nostalgia. It was the end of the Slasher films. Possibly this movie could be called "The Last Great Horror Film." I suggest that you go rent it first, and if you like it, it is available at Suncoast in the $9.99 section of the horror films. This is not the greatest horror film ever but it was made by the creator of the best horror film ever who is Charles Kaufman, creator of Mother's Day. His brother Lloyd Kaufman as well as Michael Herz produce this. It's a great film and I give it a 9 1/2 out of 10. Highly Recommended!