Beware: Children at Play

I had never seen a Troma film before this. I had no idea what to expect. My best friend recommended it, so the two of us and another friend rented it one night and watched it. The results were as follows: My best friend and I laughed the entire time. My other friend became violent. Don't worry, he didn't hurt anyone. The bottom line is, this is NOT a horror movie! The creators may have attempted to make a horror movie, but what they made was a hilarious comedy! The actors in this movie are absolutely horrible! Click on any of their bios, very few of them have been in over three or four movies! THERE'S A REASON FOR THIS!!!!!!! But you know what? They're all trying really hard to do a good job, and I'm certain that they thought that they were making Hollywood gold. Now let's look at other aspects of production. I have a feeling that this is what Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom were looking for when they found "Springtime for Hitler" in "The Producers"! There is no aspect of this movie that is particularly good, which makes everything GREAT! Especially if you are a theatre student, like me. I refer to such cinematic techniques as introducing a character (A psychic medium in this instance) and NEVER closing up on her face! I refer to a man who is getting a crowd incensed, but they never respond with more than a dull "EERRRRR". I refer to a monologue by a Bible salesman (And won't most people in a religious community ALREADY own a Bible?) where in the middle of the monologue the shot changes to a Speed Limit sign for no apparent reason. Then there's the end of the film. I won't give it away, but you have GOT to stomach this movie to see the ending! It's worth it! Trust me!!!!!!

Oh my goodness! This movie puts any ending to any other movie to shame. It was slow at first, I admit it. But that ending just made everything worth it. What beats a bunch of rednecks killing a bunch of young children. "Beware Children At Play"? More like "Beware Rednecks With Deadly Weapons At Play"! Rock on! I love this movie.

This movie is a total bait and switch. I went into it having some positive expectations, namely, that I'd see a lot of grade school kids murdering their parents in a series of bloodsoaked rituals. However, this kind of stuff never really happens and it isn't until the FINAL 90-SECONDS that the director pulls out the stops, providing us with a hilariously bad "massacre" scene that had my brother and I rolling. The rest of this movie, however, is entirely forgettable and I can't recommend it. That final 90-seconds is awesome, yes, but you have to sit through a lot of boring crap and listen to a lot of bad writing to get there. If you just have to see the funny clip at the end where the kids all get killed, I'd search the web versus wasting a rental slot. Trust me, this movie sucks. A lot. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

When I was still in high school, my friend called me up and told me to rent this movie. I believe his exact words were, "You will want to kill yourself this movie is so bad... but the last five minutes make up for the suckiness of the entire movie up to that point." And he was right.

The Movie is TERRIBLE. You know those kinds of movies that are so bad that they're good, in a funny kind of way? Well, this one is like that, except it's so bad that it passes right by funny and is almost impossible to get through.

But then there's the last five minutes. I've never been so happy to see a lot of people die, and I was laughing my ass off the entire time. It should be noted, however, that I had been drinking as a way of coping with the movie thus far, and therefore, it is possible that my impressions of the ending were slightly skewed. But that did not stop me from recommending the movie to all my friends, if only to make them sit through what I had to sit through.

If you liked "In the woods" or the 1st version of "The hitchhiker's guide" then you should have a ball with this one. However, seeing as how I've never met anyone who actually DID like the 1st version of "the hitchhiker's guide"...

Mike Cribben's cult favourite Beware: Children at Play is one of the most demented films ever to be picked up by Troma. The film deserves praise for fearlessly breaking one of the last taboos in horror and most impressively, doing so in an entertaining manner. Beware: Children at Play really is a taste free zone. For that achievement alone, the film is an absolute must see.

Lloyd Kaufman's introduction to the film begins with an anecdote recounting how a preview for Beware: Children at Play successfully emptied a theatre at the Cannes film festival. I'm sure the reaction would have been one of rapturous applause if the audience had seen the film in its entirety, because within the context of the "plot", the slaughtering of the demon children really does provide great entertainment. I know that sounds abominable but when a film's plot revolves around wild cannibalistic children who believe they are characters from Beowulf, I would say that just about anything goes.

The film begins slowly and somewhat painfully due to the extended dialogues about "cleavages" (I didn't even know there was a plural form of the word) and supernatural phenomenon. Before too long, John has joined Ross in his search for a group of missing children. These children really need a visit from Super Nanny because they spend their time cutting people in half with sickles and impaling trespassers on wooden stakes. The fact that children are depicted eating body organs would be tasteless enough for most directors, but to Cribben's credit he raises the bar by throwing a rape scene and a handful of religious fanatics into the mix. The film momentarily goes astray while our incredibly stupid heroes go to the library and read Beowulf, in order to get into the mind of the ringleader, who believes he is the cannibalistic monster, Grendel.

Thankfully, Beware: Children at Play gets back on track for the infamous child killing marathon. This sequence is remarkable in its complete and utter shamelessness. Kiddies get decapitated, stabbed, shot and killed with pitchforks. It is all so very wrong but when presented in this context, with the campy production values and incredibly unrealistic effects, the scene comes across as a stroke of genius. However, I think the picture gallery of slaughtered children on the Troma DVD is a bit foul even by my degenerate standards. That said, I'm glad that Troma once again has the balls to put this kind of material out on the market.

Beware: Children at Play is definitely not for everyone. However, fans of Troma and tastelessness in general will have a grand old time watching this shocker. I give this film full marks for having the backbone to completely smash one of cinema's biggest taboos and for being entertaining while doing so.