Kickboxer 4: O Agressor

In the annals of the truly great thespians there are names that ring eternal, Dudikoff, Fahey,...and Mitchell. Sasha Mitchell strives and works his butt off for what Keanu Reeves makes look easy. Complete and utter lack of talent. Looking to all the world like a muscular, less talented Boner from Growing Pains, (you remember Boner from Growing Pains don't you? Sure, Boner?), Sasha lurches through his scenes with the single minded determination to show nothing that may be confused with actual acting. He reads his lines like it's the first time he's seen them, emotionless, cold...like Mother Russia. Are you sure you don't remember Vinnie Stabone? Anyway.

You may be asking yourself, "Bob, why start with Kickboxer 4? Why not go back to Kickboxer 2, and watch the hero's journey that Sasha takes. Maybe you're being a little hard on him." Well, first, going back would mean I would have to tender some kind of coin to view the earlier Kickboxer movies, and there are other things I could spend my money on...like a singing Billy Bass. Also, KickBoxer 2 and 4 were directed by my personal nemesis. Pyun...director of the worst movie of all, or any time...Radioactive (shudder) Dreams.

Hey, Fun fact, Tong Po is played by different actors. It's one guy in two, and another guy in 4...and neither one of them were Asian. so you've got those ugly ass fake eye makeup...why not get Bolo Leung to play Tong Po? At least he's Asian. You know, Bolo Leung, big muscular Asian actor from Double Impact? Hey, speaking of Double Impact and Van Damme....the fact that Van Damme wasn't in any of the kickboxer sequels should be warning enough for you. If Van Damme looked at the script and said, "Uh...no, Even I won't stoop thees low." well, it can't get any plainer than that friends and neighbors.

If you must make a sequel to Kickboxer, why not explore the character of his (Boner's) trainer, Xian played with subtle mastery by Dennis Chan. Why not a tender portrayal of Chan returning to Thailand to confront his father's alcoholism and troubled childhood and the girl he left behind AND his dreams of being a flutist in the Thai Symphony Orchestra. That would be bitterSWEET. There wouldn't have to be any kicking in it. NONE. I'm tired of the kicking. I want to see Kickboxer 5: Xian's Homecoming. Peace.

All movies series has to have a really bad entry and this is by far the worst of the Kickboxer series. First of all, how did David Sloan end up working for the DEA and when did Tong Po become a drug lord? This is absolutely ridiculous. Even worse, Michel Qissi is not back as Tong Po. Oh, granted, Kamel Krifa is a terrific martial artist (saw him on an episode of Baywatch) but he just didn't fight the role of Tong Po as well as Qissi. The only thing that's good in this film is the fight choreography, where the fighters use different arts (David and Tong Po are Muay Thai, Thomas is Jeet Kune Do, Megan is Tang Soo Do, another guy Capoeira). That's pretty much it. Other than that, really lame story!!!!

At first, I was hopeful: here is an Albert Pyun movie about a fighting tournament that DOESN'T involve cyborgs or post-apocalyptic wastelands, so there will be fewer distractions from the fighting. Tough luck: Pyun finds a way to screw it up again, with ridiculous one-man-defeats-twenty brawls, gratuitous nudity, inexplicable and laughably out-of-place sex scenes, torture, etc. The movie picks up only during the tournament itself, WHEN Pyun remembers to keep his camera focused on the fighters, that is. As others have said, the guy who plays Tong Po wears so much eye makeup that he looks as if he just stepped out of a "beauty" saloon. Michelle "Mouse" Krasnoo shows potential, however; I wouldn't mind seeing her again, in a better movie. (*)

many compare hardcore action films like this to porn: you get some action, you get some poorly written dialog, you get some action, poorly written dialog, and so on. as it is with this, but the action is great. Sasha mitchell is surprisingly good, doing a decent impression of someone playing a leading man, but it's his high kicks we want to see, and we get them in spades.

Before i go any further, you should know that this is the sort of film where the plot is put on hold for a few minutes so that the hero can fight a bar full of bikers for no apparent reason, where going and picking a fight with another bunch of bikers in a very public display is the best course of action when trying to infiltrate a tournament anonymously. OK those facts are out of the way.

the plot is some sort of nonsense about a tournament (because apparently former Thai kick-boxers can very easily set themselves up as drug kingpins with nothing better to do than organize tournaments) Tong Po is back, albeit played by a different actor, and the former Goro from Mortal Kombat lookalike has discovered the joys of speech, unfortunately he speaks in an annoying whiny voice. but he is played by an impressive martial artist as compensation, who soaks up damage in the final fight until he fights the hero, one again one of those things. but who cares? the martial arts are a very good standard for a low budget, dodgy film with a no name lead (more or less), and feature some very well done, quite brutal, fights

After watching Kickboxer 4, late last night (2am-4am) on FX, my only response is, wow. I thought the movie was fun to watch! The acting was pretty bad, the story was stupid and cliché, the fight scenes were poorly done and I was expecting the main character to all of a sudden say his catch phrase "DUDE!" from Step by Step.

What was with almost every character looking like a famous person? I'm really happy to see Frank Zappa was able to act in a film before his untimely death.

Also, why did every bad-ass character in that movie end up to be a wimp at the end. Frank Zappa snapped a guys neck, then smashed his head into the ground for fun (in an OR scrub) and beat the crap out of all those people in the beginning (in a bright red polo shirt). But here comes big bad Cody, doesn't even elbow him in the face, "I've had enough!". Same thing with the so called "savage international terrorist". He kicked total butt in the beginning and then at the end he scurrys off like one of those flying monkeys in the Wizard of OZ.

I did enjoy the movie though, wouldn't nominate it for a Grammy though. But my liking was mostly due to the fact that I felt like a member of the "Mystery Science 3000" cast, making fun of almost every scene.

And what the hell was with that "hiss" Sloan did at the end? Damnit, i need a cigarette.