Alien Abduction: Intimate Secrets

First off let me just state that I am a video store clerk. So I have seen my share of movies, good, bad, and horrendous. This movie falls under the last category. I first picked up this movie purely because of the cover. It was sitting in the Sci-Fi section, and I wanted to see if it belonged in the mature, well it doesn't belong in either. It's not a sci-fi flick, and it's too scatterbrained even for soft-core. How bad is it? It is so bad that my friend and I, couldn't decide how to even begin to catogorize this film Thus forth I have created a new category, "What the hell?" {A side note, the composer for this movie is Danny Elfman. Another reason for this movie to be in this category.} Now on with the plot, a group of women swap sex stories in a sauna. That's pretty much it, with who , I can't tell you without giving away the twist, which sufice is to say the only twist in this movie is with a slice of lemon. This movie is great if you like random nudity, and alien abductions, oh crap gave away the twist. Oh well at least you have the lemon.

A guilty pleasure I have seen several times in late night cable, I confess my high rating for this sexy flick (calling it soft-core maybe a bit too much, since there is not that much nudity in it) cannot be explained or defended in a rational way. Four beautiful babes in a sauna, as they describe their somewhat similar fantasies, slowly realize they have been abducted by a not too handsome alien in the past. Shot in Romania, the cast includes Playboy centerfold Pia Reyes (sorry, but the voluptuous and surgically enhanced are not my type) but the one who gets more screen time is blonde unknown Meredyth Holmes, who is really very beautiful. The unknown redhead (probably a Romanian given her accent) is really cute, too.

Until "Alien Abduction" there was a considerable unbridged distance between your basic high-end "soft core" movie and your basic poorly written/generally unwatchable feature (insert "Zoolander" here). "Alien Abduction" successfully links the two categories. Whether that is a good thing is up to the viewer.

How I ended up watching this thing is more interesting than anything in the movie. Since the movie failed to attract much of an audience when released, its title was changed. The original title of "Alien Abduction: Intimate Secrets" was prefixed with "Forbidden Zone" which causes it to be confused with Susan Tyrell's cult classic "Forbidden Zone". Even the IMDb is confused and when you click the Amazon VHS link for "Forbidden Zone" you end up with "Alien Abduction". So trusting souls like myself end up owning a copy of something unlikely to ever be considered a cult classic.

Not that it is a total loss, the missing link thing is kind of interesting and it is also interesting that this was pretty much an acting career killer for the five very attractive women featured in this film. Not that they exhibited much acting talent. Former Playboy centerfold Pia Reyes is probably the best to the lot. Meredyth Holmes gets the most screen time and has one of those strange faces that looks gorgeous when framed by a hat and rather ordinary otherwise (maybe her horrible haircut and dye job). Darcy Demoss has a lot more mileage on her than the other four and you wonder what she is doing in this thing. This was the last movie appearance for several of them and the remaining ones were out of the business a couple years later.

The story is totally uninteresting which is unfortunate because the women are attractive and non-plastic. They spend most of their time in a sauna (shot in Romania) engaged in girl banter with towels wrapped around them. They describe passionate fantasies to each other that somehow fail to be passionate when cut in as flashbacks. It would have been nice if something sexy or erotic took place in these sequences but it doesn't. There is some amusement value in the fact that these sequences are staged on sets that were obviously created for other movies (the budget must have all gone for salaries). There is an alien subplot but no one should care much about it because even the characters treat it listlessly.

At least Pia Reyes' fans will enjoy watching her.

This film was better than I was expecting. It is an intriguing mixture of softcore erotica and alien abduction story. The cinematography by Adolfo Bartoli is simply wonderful. The actings are decent enough and the alien character has a sinister look.

One thing I never understood is why girls never really kiss each other in lesbian scenes. I never saw a kiss between two women have the same intensity as the kisses between men and women in those softcore productions. Is it really that hard for a woman to simulate a lesbian kiss? Or does the audience appreciate the fake kisses? Not me, for sure.

Apparently, Charles Band was an uncredited executive producer in this movie, that being the main reason I watched it.

A weird kind-of science fiction film that really doesn't reach any great heights. We have a group of (very good looking) women meet at a spa somewhere and have long conversations about their fantasies. Each has a weird dream sequence detailing those fantasies, some of which are pretty strange. It eventuates that they have been abducted by an alien who needs to understand how the human race mates, and is using them as an experiment. Or something like that. One of the characters ends up getting it on with the alien running the experiment. The sketchy plot doesn't really get in the way of the nudity, of which there is plenty. Acting is below-par. Not sure how I came across this movie, let alone watched it. Not even the (frequent) sex scenes are all that interesting.