Pocket Ninjas

This movie is, flat out, atrocious in every way. The acting is awful, the stunts are laughable, the fights are very poor, there is no plot, and what little plot that exists is ridiculous. However, I highly recommend it as a tutorial on how not to make a movie, and for any big group of people who wants to end up rolling on the floor laughing.

Lets just say after I watched the first three minutes it was already off. The movie is so bad it is almost laughable. I can't even tell you what its about, but if your looking for the worst movie ever, then I think you've found it.

Pocket Ninjas is one of the few movies that is so bad it's good. Most of the movie is flashback, but poorly done and confusing. The plot has more holes than the finest swiss cheese, and it takes 9 minutes for the opening credits to end. I personally found the patty-cake "battle" between the White Dragon and one of Cobra Khan's cronies in the carnival absolutely hilarious. The location for this movie is perfect. The dojo is right next to a liquor store, but nobody seems to mind. The training sequences are long, obnoxious and downright painful. This is quite possibly the worst "professional" production I have ever seen. All in all, the perfect formula for the perfect awful movie.

That includes the worst movies ever made by a five year old kid with his parent's video camera. Trying to follow the plot was like looking at a Escher painting, but without anything interesting to see along the way. The acting was terrible, and the directing was worse. The best thing about the movie was making fun of it with my friends.

I highly suggest that you don't see this movie unless you are:

A) brain dead

B) deaf AND blind

C) punishing yourself

D) a cinematic masochist

E) all of the above

Preferable E.

I have never known beauty until I saw this movie. Now flowers smell sweeter, the sky is bluer, and my cocaine is whiter. When I now think of the top three greatest films of all time I'll think of The Godfather, A Clockwork Orange, and Pocket Ninjas.

The directing in this film (I use the word not in disrespect to the greatness to which is this) is above par. I have to admit I'm a little put off by the fact there aren't enough montages. It is just new film all the time in a coherent manner. I have to admit that this is a new take on filming. Maybe it'll catch on.

As for the acting? When I think of the three greatest actors I now think of Al Pacino, Anthony Hopkins, and the littlest pocket ninja.

Truly, I think the Academy missed a great film here. They should re-release it into the theatres (it's not like it was a straight to Laser-disc film). I think it'd sweep them all. Even best music.

Well...I'm going back into my cave, then it's back to another day of Pocket Ninja watching. This movie makes my life worth living!