A Ladra

The IMDb votes for BURGLAR are all over the place. Substantial segments of users graded it 6/10, 5/10, 4/10 and 3/10. A notable percentage also voted 7/10 and 1/10. Such divisions only reinforce what is obvious to anyone who's seen this Whoopi Goldberg vehicle -- it's an extremely uneven effort.

One of BURGLAR's biggest strengths is that it hits the ground running. Whoopi is great in the opening scenes, disguised as a fat-bottomed ol' lady ripping off a small piece of a rich man's riches. This sets the stage nicely for what promises to be a fast-paced blend of comedy, action, and snappy dialog. The film continues at a surprisingly entertaining level as our thieving hero, owing 25 G's to keep the lid on past misdeeds, agrees to snatch back some jewelry for a bitter ex-wife. Only things go terribly wrong when her target is murdered before she can make a clean getaway. Now she's the chief suspect and, just as O.J. once famously pledged, must find the real killer.

Unfortunately, it's at this point, when our expectations are highest, that BURGLAR begins to fall apart. The film grows progressively (and unnecessarily) lewd and at times downright dreary (particularly the out-of-place climax). Though there are a couple of laughs, much of the humor is so painfully unfunny you almost cringe. Performance wise, Whoopi is at the top of her game. But hard ass/cutie pie act -- punching men in the groin one minute and making wisecracks the next --never really works. Spastic comic Bobcat Goldthwait is as zany as ever as her best pal, but no one seemed to realize that his is an act meant to be taken in much smaller doses than this.

BURGLAR would have worked much better as a straight action thriller. Its insistence on trying to be humorous is what hurts it the most. Of course under no circumstances would this be a classic. But at the end of it all, you get the sense BURGLAR could have been more than it was.

Bernice Rhodenbarr is a cat burglar and used book shop owner. When an ex-cop comes to her with a threat to hand in evidence that he withheld years ago that would incriminate her, she is forced to do a job for him. She agrees to steal a woman's jewellery back from her ex-husband after a messy split. She carries out the crime but is interrupted and has to hide. When she comes out of hiding she finds the man dead and her bag of jewels gone. In order to clear herself she must find out who would want the man dead before the cops can get to her.

There was a time in Whoopi Goldberg's career where they constantly tired to use her smart mouth and streetwise appearance to make her into a female Eddie Murphy. This film appears to be another attempt to use her streetwise wit to good effect. The plot is some form of murder mystery with Bernie being framed and hunted by the police while she tries to catch the real killer. It's nothing we haven't seen before but it's just not very well done here. I struggled to care about the people that Bernie was chasing because I didn't know who they were – partly because the film didn't really explain as most of them are red herrings in preparation for the `twist' at the end.

In terms of tension the film is lacking and as a result I never really got into it. On top of this it's main selling point, the smart comedy, is seriously missing. There was one maybe two good lines in it and none of those was delivered by Whoopi. In fact you could be mistaken for thinking this film wasn't a comedy as there are so very few laughs in it. The whole thing feels very dated – I imagine that even when it was released in the cinema people must have looked at it and gone `whoa, that's soooo eighties'!

Whoopi is poorly used and is sold short by a very ordinary script, but she does have a good support cast to help her out. Sadly they are all sold short as well. Goldthwait is the only one who is allowed to do anything amusing, Goodman, Warren, Bailey, and Handy are all pretty much window dressing so badly are they used.

Overall this film is one from a series of films aiming for the same effect (see Fatal Beauty, Jumpin Jack Flash etc) but here the film totally fails to make good on any of it's assets. The plot is boring and overly convoluted given that we all know it'll turn out to be the least likely main character in the film, and the comedy (usually OK in even average Whoopi films like this) is AWOL. A pretty horrid way to waste 90 minutes – unrelentingly dull.

The totally unbelievable plot of this 1987 Warner Brothers release has to do with cat burglar Whoopi Goldberg changing into a law abiding citizen when she works to solve a murder case. This rather weak comedy was oddly originally intended to star Bruce Willis.

Whoopie Goldberg is Bernie, a fast-talking ex-convict. She's not yet been able to give up the robbery work, despite constant reminders at the climax of each heist how she's "getting too old for this." And she would give it up were it not for Ray Kirschman (G.W. Bailey--he was Captain Harris in Police Academy), a detective who is hounding Bernie for $25,000 and a mink coat for his wife to keep from turning over evidence that could put her back behind bars. However, due to their friendly relationship, though Bernie is very calculating around Ray, it's hard to believe he would be a guy that would be blackmailing her. And halfway through the movie, they're hardly at odds with each other at all.

Bailey lets Bernie onto a high stakes heist. Dr. Cynthia Sheldrake (Leslie Anne Warren) is a dentist. Her patients are mostly illegal immigrants, so they pay in cash. With the cash, she and her husband bought some pretty expensive jewels, totaling somewhere around a hundred thousand or more. When they split up, Sheldrake's husband kept the jewels at his place and she wants them back. That's where Bernie comes into the picture. One last heist to make enough money to square with Bailey and in the end, get out of the business for good. It seems easy enough. That is, until Sheldrake's husband is murdered while Bernie was hiding out in the closet. And now, she's the prime suspect. But Bernie, a smart cookie that she is, isn't about to go down without a fight. And, she seems to be the only really intent on serving the murder and prove her innocence. And it isn't going to be easy.

Burglar isn't a whole lot of comedy as much as it is a murder mystery. Of course, with Whoopie Goldberg in the lead, you can expect a load of funny antics as Bernie sweet talks her way through the story with the help of her slurring spastic friend, Carl (Bobcat Goldwaith) who has some pretty funny moments himself, especially during the interrogation scene with John Goodman. Also, there's a pretty good chase scene as the cops chase Bernie through the wild hilly asphalt of San Fransico, with some of the chase done with camera views from the bumpers. But the movie, like I said before, is largely a murder mystery.

Unfortunately, the audience may start losing interest towards the end, as Bernie seems to have her end of the mystery solved. The movie puts on the brakes once she reports her findings to the wife Sheldrake and everyone drags their feet around deciding what to do then. By then, any suspense of Bernie's snooping around, is turned into a totally dull bit of scenes followed by a pretty lame conclusion. So, I'd say the movie was decent at least up to the end.

I love the Bernie Rhondenbarr books (written by Lawrence Block) and was thrilled to learn on his website that a movie version had been made of "Burglar in the Closet" that I'd never seen (give me a break - I was like 3 years old when it came out). Then, I read that Bernie was played by Whoopi Goldberg. Nothing against Whoopi, but that's horrifying. Bernie works so well in the books because he is this strange little Jewish man, not because he is a loud, obnoxious black woman. Doesn't fit. I saw the movie anyway, and was hugely disappointed. Maybe if I was unfamiliar with the books, I could have enjoyed it more, but instead I came away feeling upset with the butchery of a character I adore. I have heard, however, that Block has considered turning "Burglars Can't be Choosers" into a film starring George Clooney. I hope it will fare better.