The Phantom Empire

My review was written in July 1989 after watching the film on Prism video cassette.

Named after a famous Gene Autry serial, "The Phantom Empire" is an affectionate nod to old-time lost world sci-fi pics, which should amuse home video fans.

Helmer Fred Olen Ray shot this 1986 picture on a shoestring budget, ingeniously making up for lack of resources by stressing snappy dialog and in-jokes (even Robby the Robot pops up as a bad guy).

Plot is simple: after a mutant creature emerges from a cave and kills two picnickers, Susan Stokey hires salvage experts Ross Hagen and Dawn Wildsmith to mount an expedition into the caves to search for the lost city of Rilah.

Robert Quarry and Jeffrey Combs tag along as mineral experts. Crew finds a race of mutants, plus beautiful girls in bikinis led by Michelle Bauer, Sybil Danning pop s up as a queen from Outer Space mining for diamonds to fuel her crashed spaceship on the return trip home.

There's some fun animated footage of dinosaurs plus endless chasing around, but pic mainly works via the tongue-in-cheek dialog exchanges of its cast, most of whom are cult favorites from fantasy and horror pics.

Wildsmith is in particularly good humor, cracking sarcastic jokes in a tough-girl role. Bauer is funny in exaggerated mime as, with no knowledge of English, she's pressed into service as the expedition's guide. Danning has one of her better, campier, latter-day roles in a flashy black leather outfit.

"The Phantom Empire" stars Ross Hagen and Dawn Wildsmith as low-rent salvage experts hired by rich girl Suzy Stokey to investigate caves that could potentially contain a windfall of jewels. With Jeffrey Combs (a paleontologist) and Robert Quarry (a mineralogist) in tow, they discover a tribe of sexy cavewomen, Robby the Robot, and B movie goddess Sybil Danning as a feisty alien queen.

Admittedly, "The Phantom Empire" is awfully slow to start, but at least director-producer-co-writer Fred Olen Ray has a sense of humor about what he does, much like his peer Jim Wynorski. The movie is VERY goofy nonsense, but it's too irreverent to dismiss outright. What helps is that scene-stealer Wildsmith has a plethora of sardonic dialogue, as well as constant unimpressed reactions to all the insane stuff the characters experience.

The movie does also benefit from the presence of Michelle Bauer, who, like Danning, is a constant welcome presence in diversions like this; here she plays a mute cave bunny who wears little and is always helping out our heroes. But the movie never really hits its stride until Sybil shows up. (About 55 minutes into the running time.) There are some mildly amusing stop-motion dinosaurs that wouldn't past muster in a Ray Harryhausen picture, but let's face it: Sybil and Michelle are the reasons why many guys will enjoy it as much as they do.

At its best, this is an agreeable update of Z-grade movies of decades past, a mash-up of "The Lost World" and "The Time Machine", with dime store versions of the Morlocks from the latter story.

Six out of 10.

Fred Olen Ray is a cool dude. He's made over 100 movies, but this was made somewhat early on in his career. This film is a throwback to 1950's Z-grade monster cheapies, with a bit of 1930's serials thrown in as well. Yes, this film is beyond low budget. This is one of those flicks where they schlep a camera up to Bronson Canyon, and spend most of the movie running back and forth down the same cave. Also we get a side trip to Vasquez Rocks, which should be very familiar to fans of old sci-fi or old B-Westerns. The plot: is that really important? Just know we've a got a bad Indiana Jones rip-off played by Robert Quarry, his hard-drinking female second, a half-naked mute cave girl, the guy from "Reanimator", Sybil Danning as the "Alien Queen", and Robby the Robot shows up, amongst other foolishness I can't even remember.

If you get the DVD, listen to Fred's commentary track, which is invaluable for film fanatics and aspiring indie filmmakers. Fred records great commentaries, filled with hilarious anecdotes about the world of zero-budget filmdom. This is no exception. So, on that basis, I give the movie a 5 out of 10. But I realize that most film goers don't share the love of low-budget sci-fi films that I do, so buy with caution.

Despite the title, not a remake of the 1935 trash classic with Gene Autry. In this Fred Olen Ray movie, an expedition enters a (very bright) dark cave and discovers cave girls including the cute Michelle Bauer, dinosaurs, cannibals, a robot firing green laser beams and, above all, the voluptuous Sybil Danning as a black leather alien queen. Now, read it slowly again. Does that make any sense? No, it doesn't, you can't even land a space ship in a cave with walls all around. Therefore, no need to argue whether it's a bad movie, since you already know the answer. This is mindless fun for a special audience, and if you like to see Sybil Danning kill a tiny stop animation dinosaur with a spear, get your copy.

Rent this picture only if you're trying to see everything Fred Ray ever made. Ms. Danning struts around in a black leather outfit with big shoulders and a cutout for her cleavage. Poor stop-frame dinosaur animation. No character development. Trite story. Skinny "cave bunnies," no titillation value. Unconvincing, pathetic troglodyte zombies.