Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force

A worthy postulant for the coveted crown of "all-time worst savage apocalypse flick"(and you probably already know just how terrible these titles can be). So, anyhow...these chicks rollerskate through the dirt of decrepit post-Armageddon, dolled-up like a bunch of Thunderdome sluts in tattered stripper gear and laughably ginormous earrings. They arm themselves with massive aluminum swords, defense against a band of punkish morons who abduct marauding bimbos as sacrificial offerings to a rubber monster dwelling within a run-down factory warehouse.

An epic-fail of the highest order, although it is quite possible that this film was formulated as an intentional genre parody. As such, it certainly succeeds. If, however, this slatternly rollerboob fiasco was to be taken seriously, then God help everyone involved.

Recommended...5.5/10

Roller blade warrior Karin Crosse (Kathleen Kinmont) must protect mystic Gretchen Hope (Elizabeth Kaitan) as they travel across the wasteland Hell's Anvil. Naturally, trouble finds them as a gang is looking for women to sacrifice to "The Thing in the Stack," a monster the runs the power plant and craves fresh meat. Donald Jackson's Roller Blade (1986) is one of my top 5 worst films ever so I avoided the sequel for obvious reasons but then a friend brought it back to my attention. This isn't as painful as the first film, but it is still just kind of there. Remember when you were a teen and went to a rock quarry or the woods to make home movies with your friends? This is like that (they use that same abandoned industrial area Albert Pyun used a lot) except Jackson was in his late 40s when he made this. Lots of footage of people wandering and then getting into badly choreographed fights. There is a kinda cool monster in it. Also, no actual rollerblades are in the film as the religious order wear roller skates. Curse you, Jackson!!!

A friend and I rented this low-budget action/adventure movie from the 99 cent bin at the local video store based solely on the cassette box cover. A woman dressed in a skimpy black leather outfit, holding a sword, and wearing a pair of generic roller skates in a post-apocalyptic background was all the coercion we needed to rent this smashingly uproarious B-grade film.

The story takes place in the indeterminate future, where the world as we know it resembles the Californian desert. A strange religion known as The Order of Rollerblade (I kid you not) is established to combat the seemingly endless supply of roaming vagabond mutants who fight for no obvious reason. Karin Krosse, our hero, is chosen to escort Gretchen Hope through the wasteland in order to bring peace throughout the land with her pleasant demeanor. Using her knowledge of swordplay and her excellent skills with roller skates, Karin Krosse must defend Ms. Hope and deliver her to the Rollerblade convent. What horrors await the pair as they travel through this nightmarish landscape?

Throughout the duration of the film, my friend and I could not determine whether or not the director of the film was intentionally being campy or serious in a bad way. Several of the scenes involving a particularly unrealistic green mutant beast were so unconvincing that we had to rewind the tape and laugh at it again. The acting was horrid, and the visual effects were on par with an early 70's episode of Dr. Who. Some of the more comedic aspects of the film were the bizarre use of narration during the first part, and the inclusion of arbitrary freeze frames in several scenes. There is one scene where it is impossible to decipher what the actor is saying do to his incoherent mumbling.

For a low-budget movie, it has decent pacing and a fair amount to gratuitous nudity. Combine that with the shockingly bad production design, the blasphemous acting, unrealistic fight scenes, and of course insane story and you have one hell of a film. Highly recommended as a comedy, to be avoided if you are looking with a film with substance, plot or great visuals. This is one film you should watch with a group of friends, especially if you've been drinking.

If you want to check the fact that madness is a partner in crime through all of mankind's history, a shadow that watches over us from the beginning of our existence, watch Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force. A post-apocalyptic ride on roller blades, some half naked ladies, some guys with punk haircut and some violence, all made on an almost non-existing budget. The advantage: watching this, we all realize, we can do movies too, the question is only if we dare to giveth birth to such work. Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force: recommended only to those lost souls who want to watch every post-apocalyptic movie ever made or want to expand their list of most bad movies watched and survived with a new entry.

A B-movie classic with Kathleen Kinmont, Elizabeth Kaitan, and other actors who just give terrific performances to a movie with a limited budget. Without Kathleen Kinmont, and Elizabeth Kaitan this movie would have failed to keep me interested. The other "Roller Blade," movies which I have seen were not very appealing to say the least, but this one has a spectacular script--which is simple...yet profound. I hoped that Kathleen Kinmont, and Elizabeth Kaitan would have teamed up in future sequels, but that did not happen; instead other actors were used, and the appeal just dropped for me. Although I have seen other Kathleen Kinmont, and Elizabeth Kaitan movies that the both of them have made "Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force," is the classic I will remember them by the most.