O Humanóide

As an undiscerning child of 8, still high on fumes from Star Wars and consumed with a voracious appetite for anything to do with spaceships, laser guns, and cute robots, the TV-aired trailer from The Humanoid produced the desired effect: I nagged myself and a friend into being escorted to the local cinema by my dad. Through those eyes, the movie provided a suitable fix, despite feeling a little flat over all. But hey, it had a cute robot dog, space ships and lasers all the way through! Thirty five years later things appear very different. In fairness, the technical quality of the DVD copy I purchased is pretty poor but it's clearly not an official release. However, there are some details in the extraordinarily poor production values that with even with the most generous and forgiving attitude I can't ascribe to anything but a cynical disregard for quality by the director. Another spectacular facet of this movie is how many scenes appear to be nothing more than Sweded versions of identical scenes in Star Wars. The recipe for this entire project can be summed up as:

1> Select some iconic scenes from Star Wars.

2> Reproduce them using funds from coins found down the back of the sofa.

3> Wrap a vague plot around them - don't worry too much about the details.

4> Fill the gaps with mystical nonsense - if it is spouted by an Asian child then it becomes all the more reasonable.

5> Season with a liberal sprinkling of cleavage and nipples to taste.

Overall it's worth watching for the lulz, and as a cultural artifact which demonstrates how desperate everyone was to cash in on Star Wars at the time. Watching that pathetic robot dog attempt to emulate R2D2 as it hobbles across the dessert is really quite tragic.

In keeping with the tone of the previous reviews, it has to be said that I will re-watch this classic of terrible cinema, which is more than I can say about The Phantom Menace.

P.S. "Star Wars meets Monkey" is an entirely accurate summary of this movie that sadly I can't take credit for. A friend of mine described it thusly after watching chunks of it on You Tube.

Try and forget for a second that this film only got released in 1979! Personally, I'm 100% convinced that it was, in fact, George Lucas who totally ripped off this brilliantly plotted script and even shamelessly copied the costume designs and set pieces of this genuine Sci-Fi milestone to make his own insignificant and overrated – but perhaps slightly better marketed – "Star Wars"! Seriously, THIS should have been the Sci-Fi hype of the past century! This should have been the film that spawned numerous sequels, imitations, merchandising and millions of obsessive and nerdy fan-boys all over the world, damned!

Of all the blatant rip-off's that the Italians made during the late 70's/early 80's period – and the amount of them is really gigantic – "The Humanoid" is most likely the most blatant of them all. The intro scrolling over the screen at the beginning, the main villain wearing exactly the same helmet as Darth Vader (though with an S&M mask underneath) and the robot is R2D2 with a doggie makeover. Thank God they didn't do an imitation of C3PO! The Han Solo on duty is Richard "Jaws" Kiel and it's immediately stated clear why this guy should only play roles that are completely silent. Cult siren Barbara Bach plays an evil queen who needs the blood of young women to safeguard her beauty (nice little Countess Bathory sub plot, actually). She allies with Darth Vader number two and with an evil professor who's working on a new and indestructible type of cyber-warrior called The Humanoid. Who other than Richard Kiel would be the more ideal Humanoid prototype, so thus the evil threesome turn Golob's (that's his name) spaceship into confetti and he emerges from the lake again as their retarded minion. With his superhuman strength, Darth Vader number two can finally conquer the throne of Metropolis. How about that plot, huh? Actually, I'm not quite sure if my little summary is fully accurate, as I was too busy laughing most of the time. "The Humanoid" truly is God-awful but immeasurably entertaining exploitation trash that you simply cannot hate. The funniest thing is that this idiocy was actually made by an ensemble of people that should know better, like director Aldo Lado ("Who Can Kill a Child"), special effects supervisor Antonio Margheriti ("The Virgin of Nuremberg"), composer Ennio Morricone ("Once Upon a time in the West"), writer Adriano Bolzoni ("Your Vice is a Locked Room and only I have the Key") and lead actress Barbara Bach ("The Spy who Loved Me"). The special effects and costumes are tacky from the beginning, but the plot gradually grows even more imbecilic as we move along. The variant on the lightsabers are … lightarrows! The entire special effects team must have brainwashed for two whole days over the question: what other medieval piece of armory can we turn into a futuristic fantasy weapon without George Lucas suing us? "The Humanoid" is the purest form of entertainment, especially if you have the chance of watching it with some fellow trash fanatics and whilst under the influence of mild narcotics.

A fantasy tale following exploits of a group of rebel forces engaged in a life and death struggle, while trying to save the planet Metropolis . The movie's opening prologue in the English version states: "Metropolis, known ages ago as planet Earth, now faces its gravest hour. Lord Graal, has just escaped from the prison - satellite where his brother - ruler of the peaceful, galactic democracy had exiled him. Malevolent and power-hungry, Graal has plans of vengeance that might forever alter the destiny of mankind". Hoping to overthrow his brother and to establish a cruel dictatorship , the evil Graal (Ivan Rassimov) enlists the support of the nutty Dr. Kraspin (Arthur Kennedy) , helped by Lady Agatha (Barbara Bach) , who has invented a chemical capable of turning an ordinary person into a relentless soldier , wanting to use him as a warfare prototype . They test this chemical on the pilot Golob (first top-billed film for Richard Kiel) , turning the unsuspecting victim into a mindless but indestructable automaton possessing superhuman strength. As a team of valiant heroes (Corinne Clery , Leonard Mann, Marco Yeh , Massimo Serato) battle a Galactic leader who wants at whatever cost to overthrow his brother , and he'll stop at nothing to get it .The people of Metropolis must somehow outwit Graal before he can create an army of these soldiers, or their planet will be completely eliminated. From a Distant Planet - The Greatest Ever Challenge to Mankind. Light years beyond tomorrow...The film's closing epilogue in the English print states: "Once again Planet Earth had narrowly escaped disaster. Once again, it had found in itself the intelligence, the insight and the strength to repel a mortal enemy. Once again, man was to live at peace in the galaxy".

Colorful Sci-Fi with thrills , chills , spaces battles , dogfighting and botchering special effects . This Star Wars rip-off takes elements here and there of the previous famous fim , such as : storm-troopers dressed in black Darth Vader style ; the likable robodog bears resemblance to R2D2 , scenes set on a desert planet ; a Falconesque spaceship and other various similar sets , props , atrezzo , gowns , vehicles, and background design elements . It fact , The Humanoid (1979) takes part of a late-1970s cycle of Italian Sci-Fi pictures really influenced by the classical Star Wars (1977) . It is a real and spectacular pantomime , and , like most pantomimes , it is a lot of fun and entertaining enough. Essentially an adventure movie set in outer space , this amusing but silly film results to be an average Sci-Fi flick with no much interest , though to be appreciated for those cinemagoers looking for bad pictures . Set at cinematic standard of the Seventies , but at the same time with traditional and rudimentary special effects , including overwhelming battles and aerial scenes galore.

It contains a colorful and brilliant cinematography by cameraman Silvano Ippoliti shot on location in Eilat, Israel and studios from Cinecittà Studios, Dear Studios, Rome, Lazio, Italy. Adding a weird and synthesizer soundtrack by Ennio Morricone with a lot of electronic music. The motion picture was lousily written and directed by Aldo Lado. He is a good writer and filmmaker who has directed a few films with great casting . His first film was a giallo titled The short night of the butterflies or Short Night of Glass Dolls or Paralysed or Malastrana with ingrid Thulin, Jean Sorel. After directing the extremely violent and successful : ¨Last stop in night train¨. Following other movies with not much success such as : La Cosa Buffa, Sepolta viva , La disubbidienza, La cugina , Il nocturno di Chopin and The humanoid . Rating : 4/10 , inferior Sci-Fi , though it has some diverting scenes and entertainment enough.

There are times that films feel like gift packages wrapped up for just me and my insane taste in movies. Let me tell you all of the ways that The Humanoid makes me want to fall to my knees and give thanks: it's an Italian ripoff of Star Wars directed by Aldo Lado (Who Saw Her Die?, The Short Night of the Glass Dolls) working under the pseudonym George B. Lewis, a name that sounds close to George Lucas. It's got Ivan Rassimov, the crazy eyed star of such B&S About Movies favorites as Planet of the Vampires, Shock, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key and All the Colors of the Dark as Lord Graal, the samurai helmet and black armor clad bad guy who is this film's Darth Vader. It's got James Bond henchman supreme Richard Kiel as Golob, a giant henchman who wears a jacket straight out of Brotherhood of the Wolf. It's got Arthur Kennedy (The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue) in it! And it starts with the same shot Star Wars does, with a giant ship filling the screen and a crawl of type. And much like Starcrash it transcends its inspiration to become an insane movie unto itself.

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THE HUMANOID tells the story of two brothers of noble titles, one good named the Great Brother; the other evil, who are fighting against each other to become the sole ruler of planet Metropolis. The evil brother Graal (Ivan Rassimov) gets the support of the insane Dr. Kraspin (Arthur Kennedy) to create a new army of invincible soldiers called humanoids. To prove that his chemical invention really works, the doctor tests it on the pilot Golob (Richard Kiel), an unsuspecting human from another planet whose plane happens to land on the deserts of Metropolis. Golob is turned – in a very ridiculous way – into an indestructible soldier that doesn't speak but possesses superhuman strength and lives under the doctor's control. Commanded by the evil Graal, Golob charges into the city where the Great Brother lives to kill him. When Golob's brain-washed mind is neutralized by a little oriental sage living in the city named Tom Tom, he turns side and befriends everyone, including the person he is assigned to kill. Heading back to Graal's headquarter to destroy him, Golob leads his band of new ally. Following a decisive battle that destroys Grall and the doctor, Golob regains his human side and reacquires his speech. With his newly-befriended comrades, he decides to live on the planet, which is then called Earth (no more Metropolis as that's what shown on screen!).

That is not the whole story, there are other characters and subplots that are not worth telling as they do not add anything to the main plot!

THE HUMANOID is a Star Wars copycat and a mega-waste of budget that doesn't have any of the elements that have made Star Wars a timeless classic. Here you see similarities that you see in Star Wars – from vehicles, places to characters: Star Destroyer (even following the exact sequence of how it is shown in Star Wars!), Land Speeder, laser guns that shoot red beams, lots of Darth Vader look-alike (since they are portrayed not only as the leader but also guards), Princess Leia wannabe (she's called Barbara and sexier), a kung fu fighting Luke Skywalker, a robot dog (a substitute for R2D2) and a little oriental Obi-Wan Kenobi! Even the opening sequences mimic those of Star Wars!

Richard Kiel's performance in "The Spy Who Loved Me" and "Moonraker" must have immensely impressed the producers that he was given a similar role here – doesn't speak, just snarls and looks dumb.

This cheesy Italian sci-fi yarn could have been a lot better. Sadly, it lacks the creativity that would have made it into a fun B-movie. The STAR WARS-inspired characters, vehicles, and scenes show lazy film-making. Adding insult to the injury, the plot and directing are as uninspired.

All in all, THE HUMANOID comes mildly recommended and is strictly for lovers of B-movies.