Zombie Island Massacre

In the early 1980s, Rita Jenrette posed for Playboy and exposed her Congressman husband as a swinger and created a scandal. She tried numerous ways to capitalize on her dubious fame, and one of them was this movie. The best part of this movie is the first ten minutes or so, when Rita is nude taking a bath and making love to her boyfriend.

Rita and her boyfriend go to the Carribean, and take a tourist trip to some voodoo island where they witness a voodoo ritual that is very lame compared to the one with James Bond in Live and Let Die. After the ritual, the various tourists who went there on an old school bus want to get back to their hotel, but the bus is broken down, and the driver is missing.

Meanwhile the Voodoo Priest and the tour guide are making some kind of voodoo pact that involves sacrificing the tourists in order to boost business. Throw in drug dealers and five million dollars in cash, and this movie is a lot more like an episode of MIAMI VICE than a horror movie. No zombies are in this movie.

This is the first Troma picture I have seen that is basically a serious horror movie. What I mean is they never get really goofy here. Unfortunately, this probably turned off all the Troma fans out there. Then the title probably got zombie lovers attention and when they see this movie has basically one zombie who is not really involved with the plot they get ticked off and give the movie a one. I had low expectations so that is why I gave it a five. I did not think it was really all that good, but I also did not think it was all that bad. It was a watchable horror movie on an island with a few good kills and an easily predicted plot twist or two. I got this in a pack with two other Troma movies "Blood Hook" and "Blades" and I enjoyed this one the most even though the other two have higher scores. Still I understand why it has such a low score, when you are all set to see a zombie movie and you are not given any you do tend to get angry. I will admit this one would have been better if there were zombies swarming all over the house they take shelter in, but since I read some stuff before I watched it I knew it was not going to be a zombie movie per se.

Aside from a really stupid scene where black magic resurrects an island villager, there are NO ZOMBIES in this stupid movie! The "plot" is a rehash from a million other grade-Z thrillers, with bad actors walking around spouting nonsense dialogue, while a very bored audience waits for them to die. Correction: while a very bored audience waits for them to get EATEN BY ZOMBIES, which THEY DON'T! This isn't even a crappy "Dawn of the Dead" rip-off, it's nothing. A more appropriate title might have been "Boring People Massacre," or perhaps "Boring People on Island Where Nothing Happens".

This reminds me of two other really bad "zombie" movies where there were no zombies. "Revenge of the Living Dead," and "Virgin among the Living Dead," neither of which had any zombies whatsoever. When the title and poster art and description on the video box promise ZOMBIES, they should maybe HAVE ZOMBIES in the movie!

In any case, don't make the mistake I did. When and if you find this on your video shelf, DO NOT RENT IT!

The word "zombie" was added to the title to titillate--as was the presence of Rita Jenrette--as nymphet whose 15 minutes of fame came when talked publicly about her and her congressman husband's supposed tryst on the steps of the Capitol building. Normally, the adventures of a horny lady such as Jenrette would have quickly fizzled in the public's mind had she not subsequently posed for Playboy and starred in this cheap exploitation picture.

Those looking for zombies will no doubt be disappointed, though if you are looking for horny tourists who take off their clothes with little provocation (especially Ms. Jenrette) you will no doubt be satisfied. Heck, the film should have been more appropriately titled "Horny Island Massacre" as indeed there is lots of gratuitous killing and there's something about that tropical air that turns people into horn-dogs! Of course, given the title, the fact it was made by Troma Films AND the sleazy advertising campaign that accompanied the movie's debut, none of this should come as much of a surprise. It's NOT to be mistaken for Shakespeare and you can hardly expect more than you get.

The film has no stars (other than perhaps Jenrette--the Paris Hilton of her day) and has a rather low budget. The writing is pretty dim and there are only a few surprises along the way. One of the particularly silly bits is when the remaining five people wander into a mansion at night. It's totally dark outside, yet one of them almost instantly finds a small handgun hidden in the bushes!! He couldn't have found it faster if he'd had a map! There are also some really dumb people who act almost like they WANT to be killed they behaved so stupidly! I also loved the way Jenrette emoted when her movie husband was killed--it was so embarrassingly bad it gave me a chuckle.

Overall, the film is worth seeing only for the first two minutes, as you get to see an awful lot of the lovely Mrs. Jenrette--an AWFUL lot! After that, it's all down hill! A film worth watching only for bad film fan and the curious who want to catch a glimpse of Jenrette naked. All others beware!

I'm a big fan of TROMA, and I feel somewhat guilty for saying that this movie is horrible! Terrible acting, terrible plot, terrible f/x, terrible score, and terrible setting. I couldn't watch this movie entirely until a few years ago when USA NETWORK aired it. It's not scary, not gory, and it has no point!! I recommended only for DIE HARD SLASHERS that don't mind visual pain. There you go, if you watch this movie and look for something to save then you can say you are a truly die hard slasher. The thing to save here is that TROMA feeling,it's a low budget but it has its moments of weirdness and some funny lines.

1/10 -Burn it! Flush the ashes