Please Don't Eat the Babies

Amateurish account of two young women abducted by thugs after the gold coin worn by one of them is recognised as a rare antiquity. After a lot of threats and intimidation, the girls finally agree to reveal the location of the treasure, recounting in flashback the horrific events they survived as a pair of precocious teenagers when their group was drugged and dismembered by a family of deranged maniacs on a remote island.

An earthquake, a bizarre ritualistic castration, random close-ups of cockroaches, a village idiot and a pair of not-so-wholesome old folks with sinister intentions are just a few of the dubious encounters you'll experience in this offbeat thriller. 30's cowboy staple Hank Worden looks frail but delivers his corn-fed dialogue ("I done got him that time granny, now how 'bout some pie") with professionalism, while the only other recognisable face is that of Kirsten Baker ("Friday the 13th Part II") in a frivolous (and topless) supporting role.

Low budget props and special effects (e.g. the sponge-dummy "body" lying on the ground in the barn when Todd is attempting his escape) earn a high camp value while a couple of gruesome meat hook / meat cleaver incidents and a gratuitous sex scene up the sadism ratio considerably. Quirky and amateurish, but curiously entertaining nonetheless, the film's legacy of wisdom is a warning to all: don't accept herbal tea from old folks.

This is a particularly inept and difficult film to watch. Like many other of the early-80s American horror films of the same bracket, there is little in the way of atmosphere or gore to keep one interested. At this particular time, the gulf between US and European low budget horror was enormous. This particular movie takes the worst from the contemporary US horror films (such as HALLOWEEN) and 50s monster movies and creates an absolutely lamentable waste of time. Don't bother.

Hank Worden, Mose in "The Searchers", winds down a great career with this student film mish-mash of a movie. Yachters use Worden's small island pier/store to stock up on supplies. The island is off limits and there is a curfew for the paying customers. Yachters are supposed to drop a few bucks and push off. Any one breaking the rules discovers Worden has a family inland that bears more than a passing resemblance to the Texas Chainsaw Clan. Which would have been fine. The film gets even more inept trying to inject a monster menace. Aquatic cockroach things that Worden's family has a weird empathy with.

Sugar and Bobbylee,two teenage girls end up being kidnapped by some criminals led by Sid and taken back to an island that they had visited many years before when they were ten years old.It seems that the island was inhabited by a family of bloodthirsty cannibals including grandpa Jebediah and his wife,a small kid and an older mentally-ill kid.The mayhem told in drawn-out flashbacks ensues...Very muddled and confusing horror flick with a bit of gore and nudity provided by Kirsten Baker of "Friday the 13th Part 2" fame.Fortunately the film is never boring and there is enough cheese for my liking."Please Don't Eat The Babies" sat unreleased for six years after being filmed in 1983.7 out of 10.Watchable piece of trash with bad acting and awful climax.

Although, I had no earthly idea on what to expect from this movie, this sure as hell wasn't what I would have had in mind, had anything actually come to mind. Once I heard of its existence, all I knew was that I had to own a movie called Please Don't Eat The Babies. unfortunately, I could only find a copy under its alternate title, Island Fury. Looking back, I guess I could call it a lose-lose situation. On one hand, I still don't get to be known as the guy who owns a movie called Please Don't Eat The Babies, and on the other hand, Island Fury would ultimately reveal itself to be an awful, pointless, boring, unwatchable piece of garbage. Yeah, definitely lose-lose.

I'm not even sure what genre they're going for here. Just early 80's badness, with a flashback that might actually be longer than the non-flashback. First up, two teenage girls are being chased by two bad guys, once caught, the bad guys bring to our attention that one of the girls have a coin on a string, around her neck, and somehow, these bad guys know of a lot more of these coins hidden on an island somewhere. And this is where things start to get weird, somehow these guys know of a trip the girls took to some island, years earlier, when they were only 10. I guess this is supposed to mean that the girls should know exactly where this alleged treasure is. So, now, we're in the past, while the girls try to retrace their steps, so these bad guys don't kill them, although, I wouldn't have minded if they had. In the flashback, the 10 year old counterparts are on a boat trip with their sisters and the sisters boyfriends, eventually stopping by an island for some air, they get mixed up with some kid and his killer grandparents. Any potential suspense or reasons to keep on watching never shows up, but the flashback was undeniably better than the present, which still isn't saying a whole lot.

For a while there I had forgotten about the original story. At one point, I thought maybe the director had too, and when the flashback ended, that would be the end, which would have worked for me considering this disappointment would have been a half-hour shorter. This pointless movie within a pointless movie does eventually end, and real stuff does happen, but it's stupid. I guess I didn't exactly expect a movie filled with infants being devoured, or anything like that, but I did expect some form of outlandish B-entertainment, mostly just a confusing, inept storyline, unsure of its genre. My advice would be to seek out something worthwhile like Attack Of The Beast Creatures. If anyone, I would only recommend this one to serious B-movie collectors who must have them all, anyone else interested probably has brain damage. What really gets me is that I still have no idea why they called it Please Don't Eat The Babies. 3/10