Homework

A young man sits doing his math homework. He pulls out a porno mag and begins to fantasize about the model in the magazine being photographed by some other guy. This would make sense if he were gay, and wants to become a fashion photographer. But he is supposed to be straight. If the picture led him to fantasize, wouldn't the fantasy be sexual somehow?

The boy has a more interesting fantasy a little bit later, where he imagines himself comatose in hospital due to lack of sex, and has two sexy nurses, one of whom bares her breasts.

The movie appears to have a better budget than most '80s teen sex comedies. It features more locations and actors, though no one makes any impression.

I believe the movie is supposed to be about a young man, luckless in sex, being seduced by Joan Collins. She is barely in it, and all her scenes seem separate from the rest of the movie. No wonder - according to Wikipedia, they were filmed two years apart from the rest of the "movie". The whole thing has the same disconnected feeling.

There is a smoking hot French teacher, who should have been the one to seduce the protagonist - not Collins. In one bizarre scene, she offers to tutor one of the other kids, and he comes to her house and talks to her in fluent French, impressing her. She speaks English, presumably because the actress couldn't fake it in French. Why didn't they just make her a science teacher or something?

Google offers some hints about Collins' lack of real participation: she filmed her part two years before the rest, in a minor role, and the filmmakers edited the movie - and marketed it - to make it look like she played a main role. She sued them, particularly for using a body double in a later scene to make it look like she got naked.

B-movie god Wings Hauser makes an appearance at the halfway mark. He apparently plays some kind of rock star. What is he doing in this movie?

There are also scenes with an African American family that don't seem related to the movie's main story, if you can really say it has one.

The kid speaking French to his teacher is apparently, actually, French. I don't know why they didn't introduce that earlier. This movie is very confusing.

The protagonist finally meets Collins with only fifteen minutes left to go. So much for the whole "virginal loser seduced by sexy Dame" plotline.

And then the movie ends, without having resolved, or even really established, anything.

Thank god it's over.

It never ceases to amaze me that in these films such good looking players are always cast as kids who can't seem to get anywhere with women. Positively ludicrous but I think films like Homework aren't to stimulate the mind. They operate somewhat south of the border.

Michael Morgan who I learned was Yvonne DeCarlo's son has sex on his mind all the time. He's even seeing the school guidance counselor Carrie Snodgrass who certainly has done better work.

He's trying very hard to score with next door neighbor Erin Donovan. But she only wants to make the swim team and she's constantly in the pool. But her mom Joan Collins gets her mojo going every time she sees Morgan. Guess what happens?

There's also a subplot with the same issue as Morgan's friend Lanny Horn tries to lose his virginity and it's French teacher Lee Purcell gives private lessons.

Morgan and Horn look they would have women lining up for them. Just once I'd like to see one of these films made with somebody who really hasn't gotten to first base yet. That will never happen.

Sadly I learned Michael Morgan was a homcide victim in 1999 and the case was never solved. A tragedy also is that this is the poor man's career role.

I liked the really good acting and the bits where you could see the boom mic

This has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I assume that was supposed to build on movies like Fame as well as your usual teen high school comedy, but this movie fails in every aspect. At less than 90 minutes, the film is still too long and boring, the dialogue is rather silly and the music/rock star image being portrayed is quite odd, even for the time. The movie features some gratuitous nudity, but even these scenes are rather dumb. The whole styling reminds me of Boogie Nights era adult movies, but is seriously lacking in appeal. Most of the actors were (and stayed) unknown, at least one scene is done with a body double.

If you see this movie advertised in your TV program guide, my suggestion is change the channel immediately and watch Class instead.

I suppose you could call it a feature length after school special. Homework touches on some strange subjects though (I wish after school specials had been this interesting) including having sex with your girlfriends mom and how to cope with getting vd from a rock star. It's somewhat likeable, but I recommend watching it for the camp value alone.