Assassinato no Voo 502

... I am referring to something Sonny Bono's agent says as they head towards his flight to board. And he says it very loud. And nobody even stops and stares. What a time capsule this is.

If you are under 40 I'm not sure you will really appreciate this. But if you remember the 1970s at all this is terrific and hilarious for reasons never intended. It is about an international flight headed for London. After take-off a smoke bomb goes off in the first class lounge. As a result of this, an airline executive gets a note a day earlier than he normally would have, and it apologizes for the murders on flight 502, the flight that just took off. So now it is a race to figure out who is the murderer before he can kill.

There are all kinds of furtive glances and obvious grudges between the first class passengers to stir the pot. There are some married couples on the flight, but there are also lots of people flying alone, and they strike up conversations with whoever is sitting next to them. It reminded me of Love Boat, and that should be no surprise since Aaron Spelling, who produced Love Boat, also produced this film. Of course, today, bothering a stranger next to you with conversation would get you rebuffed because you would be interrupting their game of Candy Crush on their phone. But in 1975 people were OK with casual conversation and were accustomed to occasionally being bored.

What's funny about it? Robert Stack as the pilot five years before Airplane, playing it straight. That setting a smoke bomb off in an airport doesn't get you shackled by the TSA upon arrival and sentenced to 40 years in the basement of a federal prison. That the killer on the plane just ASSUMES certain movements of passengers whom he targets. Farrah Fawcett as a stewardess (that is what they called flight attendents then) who at this point in her career has very limited acting talent. That changes a lot over time.

What's great for classic film buffs? Larraine Day, Dane Clarke, Walter Pidgeon, and Ralph Bellamy making appearances as passengers.

I had a hard time rating this film. I'm rating it as a time capsule that is certainly not boring. Thus my rating will probably be higher than those of other folks.

If you've seen Airplane!, enjoyed Airplane! and perhaps wondered where Airplane! got some of its inspiration from, check out Murder on Flight 502. My brother found it for the astounding price of one dollar American, and for that single bill you get Robert Stack, Farrah Fawcett, Sonny Bono, and...Danny Bonaduce? Oh, but yes. And there's more.

As the film tepidly moves along, begging you to find the murderer among the passengers before anyone is actually murdered, you'll be treated to outrageous mid-70's fashion (brown is IN!), bizarre character backgrounds, and the hottest burgeoning romance this side of Harold and Maude, an elderly Jewish woman and an elderly Methodist known only as Uncle Charlie. "Ah...I know half the story already!" says the elderly woman slyly after Uncle Charlie introduces himself, and believe me, you will know every sundry detail of Uncle Charlie's hard knock life, even though it's probably better that you didn't.

You will see Sonny Bono sing, and you will realize why Cher was much better on her own. Robert Stack will make Bruce Willis in Die Hard look bad with his endless barrage of hard-boiled, sarcastic one-liners. But most of all, you will figure out who the murderer is, and you will be satisfied when they get their comeuppance.

No, there is no singing stewardess, no jive-talkers, no inflatable auto-pilot, no Leslie Neilsen. But unless you are unable to mock the earnest, but futile work of many to make a taut murder mystery shot almost entirely on a plane full of large, orange seats, you will like Murder on Flight 502. I promise.

MURDER ON FLIGHT 502 shows just how dangerous it was to fly on a jumbo jet in the 1970's. Within 90 minutes, two people are strangled to death, another is shot, and one poor schmuck is attacked by a maniac wielding a meat fork!

This should come as no surprise, since the passenger list includes: A bank robber, a fake priest, an alcoholic crime novelist, and Danny Bonaduce!

The "stewardesses" (Farrah Fawcett and Brooke Adams) are far too busy smiling to notice the mayhem! Thank God that Robert Stack is at the helm or this plane would go straight into the Atlantic ocean!

Adding to the madness, what sort of airline allows Sonny Bono on board one of its aircraft? With a guitar!

On a personal note, the next time the TSA has me spread eagled next to the baggage carousel I'll be thanking my lucky stars that I'm not back in those dark days of air travel chaos!...

When watching this movie, don't watch it for suspense, or character development, or even for the mystery. This is a "make your own fun" movie. You can watch it in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 style, making fun of it as you go. You can watch it to spot all of the stars (at the time). Or you could watch it to find out what Airplane! was making fun of so much; this movie seems to have provided most of it. The pure dated-ness of this film makes it so easy to make fun of. Can you remember a time when a smoking box in an airport lounge was treated fairly lightly?

But don't hate this movie because it's, well, bad; praise it for its badness. This is one of those movies that is good to watch because it's horribly done. The acting is horrible, the script is horrible, the story is horrible. The only thing that was done right was the casting, but, as we're seeing so much these days, a good cast can't save a movie. But a good sense of humor can. Which is why I give this movie a fairly high grade: if you enjoy pretending to be a sillouette in front of a giant movie screen, you'll like this movie.

Cheesy and common to the times, still there's a nostalgia to watching these old flicks from the 70's, it was worth the watch for that alone. A little snapshot of the bad/campy/predictable TV of the day, but somehow fun anyway.

As for holes and errors in the scenes, one could pick apart all the discrepancies, and most been done here. I'd add that I've never been on a flight, nor seen one from those days where all the seats are oriented backwards to the nose of the plane, not to mention the rest of the seat layout, fanning in towards the aisle as they do. Maybe they did, but first class, flying backwards the whole way? Might make some people more ill if they're prone to that.

Some mention the variation in quantity of passengers in some scenes (coming and going of passengers), but there's the bathrooms, and not staying in your seat would be normal back in the good old days when a lounge was available, though they showed the lounge mostly empty when shown at all. (I'm all for bringing the lounge back, especially for long flights). "Skyjackings", as they were called, were in the news a fair bit in those days, yet dogs seemed to do just fine in deterring trouble, no need for today's excess. If only people could watch the news these days with as discerning an eye for discrepancies as they do with films, they may notice a few things. At any rate, a good little film if you want the flavor of how that genre of TV was back then....