Lady Cocoa

Of all the crappy blaxploitation films I've seen in my day, this is definitely one of them. Talk about poor film making, Lady Cocoa looks like it was shot by a bunch of high school kids.

Here's a short list of things that make this movie suck:

1. The screen changes colors repeatedly, probably from leaving the film cans sitting out in the sun or something. It reminds me of something shot in the early 1900's. One second everything will be completely purple, the next it will be green, followed by orange, then black and white. Even when the color is correct (which isn't often) the characters look totally illuminated, making the entire room glow. This is the first film I've ever seen that was physically painful to watch.

2. The sound is awful. There is a high pitched squeal the entire movie. I tried the disc on two DVD players and two TV's and it was still there. The boom mic gets smacked around a lot to, usually making more noise than it actually records. Thankfully, it saves you from having to hear the awful dialogue, or in the case of Mean Joe, lack there of.

3. The story lags and lags and lags. There is absolutely no action in this movie until the 73rd minute, much like Matt Cimber's previous work, The Black Six. Up until then, I was under the impression this was some type of romantic comedy.

4. Every thing in Lady Cocoa is completely illogical. Especially the ending. I supposed I should be grateful this one at least had an ending (director's previous movie just turned off after awhile).

SUMMARY: Sucks.

I grew up during the '70's and love the movies made during that decade, and Lady Cocoa is at the top of the list. I'm not sure if I enjoyed them as much then as I do now, because in the present I'm looking back wistfully in time, through a hazy mirror that somewhat distorts the images. Lady Cocoa also has constant background noise and the sound of wind even when the action is inside in the casino where she spends her night of freedom. The film has too much indoor lighting and not enough outdoor lighting. For me, that's perfect. Can you really expect to look at the past and expect to see it perfectly clear? Would you want to? If only police shows today could be so tame. Lady Cocoa speaks her mind and sometimes she speaks it in a way that would make a tough guy from the '70's blush. But, deep down, she's a good girl whose naive. She's gone to jail to protect her boyfriend, but now, in exchange for turning state's evidence against the man she loves, she get's a day of freedom. What? 24 hours in a Lake Tahoe casino (Where The King's Castle was located) is compensation for 1 and ½ years in prison for committing essentially no crime? Ask yourself why she would do this as you watch this film.

There is no wonder that Lola Fallana later made a fortune in Las Vegas; she is constant energy and she acts with passion. She is undoubtedly the star of the show, but the performance by Alex Dreier, as Lieutenant Ramsey Miller is a very good one. Dreier's distinctive voice was, certainly, one of his greater assets as a performer. Fallana's co-star, Gene Washington, is, in the beginning, a bit wooden with his performance but loosens up as the movie progresses. "Mean" Joe Greene is, indeed, mean in "Lady Cocoa" as he stalks her, but he and his sidekick had no trouble memorizing their lines: there were none.

Lady Cocoa is a film worth watching. It moves, though slowly, towards a surprise ending, yet the rate of progression towards the conclusion is both entertaining and captivating. And, most important for this viewer, it takes you back to how we once were...and how a lot of films really looked in those days!

Oh how I wanted to like this movie.

It has all the ingredients to be great. Charismatic lead actress, cool name, main theme tune. A good set up for lots of action.

We could have had another Foxy Brown here with Lady Cocoa.

But alas, it was not to be.

Because Lady Cocoa herself is such an insufferable, awful, loud-mouthed know-it-all that within 30 minutes I was wishing she'd just get shot already.

Rarely have I seen such an unlikeable main character in a Blaxploitation movie.

Lola Falana has the acting chops and charm to be an excellent lead. But the script writers confused arrogance for confidence, quoting philosophy like it's scripture for intelligence, and a nasty mean-streak a mile wide for charm.

No wonder we never got a Lady Cocoa sequel. No one in the entire world would ever want to see this awful character ever again.

"Coco" (Lola Falana) is serving time in a Nevada penitentiary and agrees to testify against her mob boyfriend "Eddie" (James A. Watson Jr.) in exchange for her freedom. Naturally, Eddie doesn't like the idea and sends a couple of hit men to take care of the problem once and for all. Figuring that something like this might happen the District Attorney provides two bodyguards by the names of "Doug" (Gene Washington) and "Ramsey" (Alex Dreier). Unfortunately, she refuses to believe that Eddie will try to harm her and treats both of her them with complete contempt. But one of the hit men named "Big Joe" (Mean Joe Greene) isn't playing any games. Now rather than reveal any more of the story and risk spoiling the movie for those who haven't seen it I will just say that I thought the character of Coco was extremely annoying. But even so I must admit that Lola Falana played her part superbly. I also liked the surprises as the story progressed. In short, for a low-budget "Blaxploitation" movie this one wasn't too bad. Slightly above average.

No one was hotter than Lola Falana in the early-mid '70's. She could be seen on The Flip Wilson Show, The Ben Vereen Show, Johnny Carson and doing guest spots on "FBI" and "Streets of San Francisco". So cashing in on the blaxplotation boom wasn't a bad idea for this sultry song bird--or was it?

"Lady Cocoa" is about a lady who gets a 24 hour day pass out of jail in exchange for testifying in court against her hustler boyfriend, played by a guy that you always see on shows of the 70's. He's that guy that you don't know his name but you always see him playing a guest spot like a door to door sales man on "Good Times" or some nerdy guy on "Barney Miller". When I saw who was playing the big bad boyfriend, I said, "THAT guy? Oh geez." At any rate, Lady Cocoa is under the custody of a big burly D.A. man and a good looking cop. It is apparent that the writers tried to create some tit for tat, playful bantering between the spit fire Cocoa and the straight faced "by the book" cop, creating romantic tension between them. WRONG.

First of all, Lady Cocoa behaved like a regular twit. Often yelling and screaming and constant complaining. My goodness, shouldn't she be grateful that she gets 24 hours away from the slammer? Wouldn't it be more likely that she would rather be enjoying cable t.v, room service and perhaps the massage benefits that i'm sure the swanky Las Vegas hotel had to offer? And the her straight laced cop love interest was, well..how can I put it--stiff-as-a-board. Total mismatch, Which brings me to another point.

This movie had a few loose ends. Well, more than a few. I could have sworn that when a person turns states evidence, they are exonerated from all crimes and released from jail and placed into protective custody. But in Lady Cocoa's case, she only gets a 24 hour get out of jail card? Wow, that's gotta stink.

Okay, so a couple of thugs are wise to her plans and where abouts and is out to kill her. So she has to try to stay alive long enough to fully enjoy her well earned 24 hours of freedom. The back drop of this movie is appropriately enough, Las Vegas. What better movie location for no other than "The Queen of Las Vegas", Lola Falana. What got me through the horrible lighting, direction and sound was Lola herself. She's fun to watch if you can get past the incredibly suckie dialoge, although some lines were kind of funny.

Out of the many blaxploitation films i've seen, I'd say that Lady Cocoa was tolerable because of the brief cat and mouse sequence at the end. And of course, the fabulous Lady Lola herself. I'd recommend you see this film if you're into black movies of the 70's. but please, don't expect too much from this one, you'll only get your feelings hurt.