A Guerra das Fêmeas

A sexually-liberated (if not terribly explicit) peplum which inconceivably attracted an assortment of talent - director Young, cinematographer Aldo Tonti, production designer Mario Garbuglia, composer Riz Ortolani - but the result is jaw-droppingly awful, so much so that I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard (for all the wrong reasons) during a film! The warriors of the title are man-hating (i.e. lesbian) Amazonian women who must go through the 'humiliation' of mating once a year with strong men (settling on a garrison of the Greek army, despite their well-known reputation as homosexuals) in order to bear females to continue their line!

It's well and good that the film doesn't take itself too seriously - as can be witnessed from the self-deprecating text which opens and closes the picture - but that doesn't excuse the sheer insanity of some of its concepts: the Amazonians being able to avoid an ambush or detect an intruder in their camp because one of them is allergic to males and has a sneezing fit whenever she senses their presence; the mating is preceded by a ritual of anti-male chanting that is supposed to 'insulate' the women in the call of their duty, thus making submission (even if temporary) to the opposite sex tolerable. Also worth mentioning are the Olympian challenges between the two armies (which the men invariably lose?!), not one but two all-nude wrestling matches - no doubt inspired by the notorious male equivalent which forms the centerpiece of Ken Russell's WOMEN IN LOVE (1969) - between the current Amazonian Queen and her jealous and scheming rival (belatedly revealed as her own sibling, but which doesn't prevent them from subsequently becoming lovers!!), the stupid mugging of a love-struck servant girl who drinks an aphrodisiac prepared for the Queen by the conspirators...not forgetting the ludicrous art direction (everything in the Amazonian court, including the Queen's throne and scepter, seems to be made in the shape of an axe for no apparent reason!), the incongruous costumes (from the much later Roman Empire era), or the battle scenes in which the fighting Amazonians are barely-concealed stuntmen in drag!!

Apparently, LE GUERRIERE DAL SENO NUDO (which literally translates to THE BARE-BREASTED WARRIORS but was known internationally as THE AMAZONS) was a rival production with the equally irresistible-sounding LE AMAZZONI - DONNE D' AMORE E DI GUERRA aka BATTLE OF THE AMAZONS (1973), directed by Al Bradley...er...Alfonso Brescia!

This movie does NOT take itself seriously, I figured that out in the first three minutes. An opening title informs us "This movie happened, if it happened at all, about 3000 years ago." That means it takes place in 1000BC. What's wrong with that? Well the heroes are Roman soldiers and the Roman empire did not begin until 750BC. Therefore these soldiers represent an empire that will not even exist for over 2 centuries! I'll bet no one went to see this movie for a history lesson though. The real heroes are Amazon warriors who have to mate with men once a year or they will die out. Practicing selective breeding they only mate with tough Roman soldiers and they make love while chanting "Men are pigs, men are filth." (Which is something I and the other girls in my sorority did in college. I guess some traditions never die.) No monsters, dragons or giants. The battle scenes are okay and there is a mud wrestling scene that all the men will enjoy. If you want a plot that makes sense, or at least pretends to, try any of the HERCULES movies.

The idea of women in battle seems to always draw men to the screen. After Thunderball in which I participated, I remain distressfully unimpressed with Director Young's haphazard portrayal of a classic theme. It seems to come apart at the seams.

It's saving grace (to me) was the portrayal of the Amazonians ...at home. The sequence in which the young Amazons live amidst the warriors becomes more natural and intimate to this viewer. In particular the little five or six year old blond Amazon played by Mary Scott O'Connor was heartwarming She came across as feisty, vibrant and ready to challenge the world compared to the "Queen" who walked through her role as if she were with 'valley girls' on a shopping spree.

The 'Greek Army' portrayed by actual Spanish Army soldiers and extras was a far cry from the Greek Warriors of an antiquity we all come to expect on the screen. For my money, I'd give the little blond Amazon star billing over most of the other so-called warriors out to exterminate all but the breeding stock of the male gender. The repetitious axe visuals might be more suited to the next generations 'Texas Chain-Saw Movie' ... give the kid credit and move on. Fred Vallachi was wise in gathering and casting the youngest Amazons from the hinterlands and ex-patriot communities of Spain.

What can one expect of a film about raving amazons from 1973? I expected something really terrible but it wasn't at all as bad as I expected. The basic story of a competition between two female leaders is kind of silly, but it has not at all the campy weirdness one would expect with all these big breasted women doing naked oil wrestling, throwing javelin, riding on horses, sleeping together, fighting, et cetera.

There are even sincere dialogues, nice looking sets and mass fight scenes. It has the looks of an expensive film. The story line of Antiope finding affection of a man, and being troubled by it, is not very interesting, but believable in a sense, also thanks to the reasonable acting by Angelo Infanti. All other acting is not very good, but never the cringing kind of bad.

But how to watch this? It is not too bad to get the predicate 'camp'. It is not funny enough to be a comedy (only a slight bit, when women are torn between aversion and lust for men). And it is certainly not factual to be enjoyed as an historical drama, as many others already have pointed out.

And what about an erotic film? There are pretty women in it, often naked. But the characters themselves HARDLY seem to enjoy sexuality. They have to ENDURE it in order not to die out. Which was perhaps the whole joke of the film, I guess, but only director Terence Young could have told us that. I rate this 5/10.

The storyline is rather stupid, with the silly anti-Women's Lib back ground (women can not do without men, see…). But the movie in its original full unrated version contains two or three of the most erotic soft core lesbian scenes ever. The women are strong but very good looking (this was shot before any silicon stuff came to pollute nudity). The camera work is of course excellent (director Terence Young). The first memorable scene consists of a topless oil wrestling fight to decide who the next queen will be. There is also a long savage nude fight with the same competitors which ends with cute kissing. This probably the only mainstream movie to picture women wrestling with a strong erotic overtone.