Sete Minutos para Morrer

There is a lot going on in this movie, and we cover a lot of ground with our hero, Roger Browne, who is agent Gordon. Browne also starred in a number of the sword-and-sandal epics of the early 1960's; he was a very big, very fit guy. When he punches anyone, you're kind of surprised that it ever takes more than one punch to knock them out! Basically, Browne gives the impression that he could whip his weight in alligators, and then some.

A nice thing about Browne, is that he often shows a rather sly sense of humor; you get the idea that he is enjoying himself, indeed, when he is flirting with some of the beautiful women in this movie, who include top Euro-spy stars Rosalba Neri and Helga Line.

I will say, a plus for this movie is that you can't always tell what is coming next, in my opinion. At least I couldn't. Roger Browne was one of the main leading men of the Euro-spy genre, and he was a good and important figure in it. Any Euro-spy movie with him starring in it is worth seeing and provides enjoyment.

This mid-60's Italian/Spanish co-production is one of the numerous attempts to cash in on the James Bond craze of the decade. It gets some of the ingredients of the formula right (a secret agent who is good with his fists and irresistible to the ladies, various international locations (from Paris to Madrid), a casino sequence, the "You Play To Win" title song, etc.), but fails to connect them in a coherent way. The story is hard to follow, and the low budget limits about 90% of the action to simple fistfights (there are no set-pieces to take advantage of the locations the way the Bond films do). Roger Browne is a passable lead, he has the looks and the athleticism for the part, but the bad guys are generally useless. In the second half, Brown teams up with a beautiful female Russian spy (Helga Liné), but her character is not really that much help. Among the other women he meets is Rosalba Neri, to whom he says "I bet you are good at freestyle wrestling". Pity we never get to find out! (*1/2)

The beautiful Rosalba Neri, the only thing worthy of some interest in this thing, has a very small role, she is killed in the bathtub with a knife. Roger Browne, which I have seen in another great spinach called "Argoman the Fantastic Superman", directed by the same Sergio Grieco (as Terence Hathaway), is more a presence than a true actor, he is good in running and giving and collecting punches. Helga Liné, in the role of Karin, strived but the rest is a big nonsense.

Roger Brown's third Eurospy is an incoherent mess. There are plenty of Bond-esque scenes which are ok when considered individually, but add up to less than the sum of their parts when taken as a whole. In other words the plot makes no sense whatsoever.

Someone is selling arms to the Vietcong (in addition to the Chinese of course) and someone had obtained the evidence and hidden it inside a cigarette lighter in some way before being killed off. Now someone else has it and everyone else wants it. The Americans nominate Roger to represent their interests. So far so good, but after that it's anyone's guess what is going on.

The only thing you can rely on is that every five or ten minutes Roger will be attacked by several henchmen and will punch his way out, in his customary exaggerated style.

Women come at Roger so thick and fast during the first half of the movie that I couldn't keep up with them, but as far as I could tell, although he gets some offers and opportunities, he doesn't manage to bed any of them, (but I could be wrong, maybe the audience is meant to read more between the lines). However in the end he does manage to arrange an off screen assignation in San Tropez with Russian Agent Helga Line.

While the henchmen are numerous and undistinguished, Miguel de la Riva makes an angry impression in his red polo-neck and Franko Ressel foreshadows Charles Gray in "Diamonds Are Forever" as the evil mastermind.

After a while I gave up trying to keep track of who was who, who was on whose side or who was double crossing who.

Traditional settings like the casino, the docks, the cabaret and the luxury villa are visited and there are some nice locations choices for the key set piece confrontations, an imposing ruined castle on a cliff (with helicopter arrival and departure), and an empty bullring.

There's also an interesting double torture scene during the climax back at the villa. Helga is tied to a table "Goldfinger style" and tortured with gold tinsel blown by a fan (I think it was meant to represent some sort of Van de Graff generator style electrical charge?) while Roger is tied to a chair in an alcove, behind a glass wall, and subjected to poison gas. The villain makes them watch each other being tortured but he ends up being distracted by the writhing of Helga and Roger is able to make his move.

Paris, Tripoli, Madrid and other parts of Spain make for acceptable exotic locations.

The soundtrack is adequate with another Shirley Bassey-esque title song that sounds suitably dramatic unless you actually listen to the appalling lyrics.

There is one nice sports car, possibly a Triumph Spitfire Mk 1.

As for gadgets, he has an exploding watch, she has a lipstick with a laser weapon and the villain has a spear-gun umbrella.

Roger would fare much better in his next outing, "The Spy Who Loved Flowers"

Lines You Wouldn't Hear From The Other Fellow

Nightclub Singer - "It would be very easy to fall in love with a man like you"

Roger - "That would be my pleasure I can assure you (caresses her chin)...now let's get back to business, where can I find..." (!!! ???)

Mile - "Couldn't we..."

Roger - "Some other time (!!! ???), I hope you managed to check her hotel room, that's all I asked"

Mile - "I know, she's staying at the etc"

Roger - "Good, I don't think you should wait till I come back (!!! ???) (Kissing her gently on the mouth) you're very sweet and someday I want you to meet my twin brother" (???)

After interrogating Rosalba Neri by tickling her feet with a feather

Roger - "Humph, how about that, a wild goose chase, you don't know anything about anything"

Rosalba - "Well. After all. I'm only a woman"

Roger - "Humph, and I bet you'd be just great at freestyle wrestling... (gently fondles her hair) wouldn't you"

Rosalba - Chuckles

Roger - "Listen I have a proposition to make (!!! ???) you still broke?"

Rosalba - "Always daring, always"

Director Sergio Grieco (billed as Terence Hathaway) again pits Roger Browne against Franco Ressel just as he did in Rififi in Amsterdam (67). This time Ressel plays the villain Albert Kowalski in drag and in a wheelchair for the bulk of the film, a strange angle that's never fully explained. Roger Browne is agent Douglas Gordon who has a nifty designer wardrobe and charm enough to unite superpowers in thwarting Kowalksi's plans.

Exotic locations like Paris, Tripoli, and Madrid, a fun score by Piero Umiliani and put off lines for girls that don't measure up (`you're very sweet and someday I want you to meet my twin brother') help to keep this average actioner afloat. But when your villain is named Kowalski, you know you're not in for a first class ride.