Watching Albert Zugsmith's MENAGE A TROIS I was reminded of the wacked-out latter-day efforts by Philip Yordan (see: NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR), where the viewer isn't sure if he's watching an integral film or just a mishmash of scenes from various unrealized projects. Oddly, Yordan won an Oscar once upon a time for his writing while Zugsmith merely (fraudulently?) claimed to be an Oscar-winner in the promotion of his film SAPPHO DARLING.
Something Weird has arbitrarily revived the movie on DVD-R as TWO GIRLS AND A GOLDEN ROD, a title which is merely a sloppy mistake, as TWO ROSES AND A GOLDEN ROD is correct. Their video packaging also mistakenly posits it as a 1972 film, an error that I infer was caused by two characters declaring, for no good reason, "This is 1972!" as part of the script. Oh how easy it is to mislead the viewer.
Since Zugsmith fancied himself as a great writer, the script is verbose and pretentious in the extreme, as even the simplest conversations between the principals go on and on like a one-act play spinning out of control. John Alderman plays daddy, stuck with a spoiled brat of a daughter named Junior (!), very poorly played by Ann/Ami Paisley. She pops up in another even more obscure Zugsmith film titled THE VERY FRIENDLY NEIGHBORS and apparently gave up "acting" after that.
The title trio actually consists of Alderman, his short-haired, British accented wife (Lisa Grant aka Elizabeth Knowles: think Jamie Lee Curtis before her hair went grey) and a bisexual neighbor Lou Jean (Debbie Lynn). They end up in bed as a threesome in the final reel, but that isn't what the film's really about.
Zugsmith emphasizes and then re-emphasizes the attraction between daddy and daughter, ultimately leading to incest being consummated. Not satisfied with covering two trendy themes: incest & troilism, he throws in other nonsense that just pads the film and makes it beyond ridiculous. I suspect even John Waters would have trouble watching this junker, though conceivably he could conjure up a crummy Broadway musical out of AZ's indigestible material.
Putting the movie beyond redemption is an unbelievably lengthy digression sequence smack dab in the middle, which gives new meaning to the term self-indulgence. Junior's young tutor Charlie is very aggressively attempting to deflower her, with risible/double entendre dialog that is unbelievably bad. Finally giving up on the impossible-to-lay brat, he launches into a monologue about a theater critic going to heaven.
It's completely idiotic, as illustrated in burlesque-style vignettes, resembling an untalented (Zugsmith) approach to familiar shaggy-dog satires such as appear in Theodore Sturgeon's sci-fi stories or a segment of Luis Bunuel's classic DISCREET CHARM OF THE BOURGEOISIE. The long-delayed punchline is when the pro-censorship-crusader gets his heavenly wish and sex/procreation becomes not a dirty act but simply shaking hands, and now we're treated to the same burlesque stagings, only it is HANDS that are the forbidden fruit, requiring fig leaves and suppression. Hardy-har-har, big Al!
Randomly constructed film ends with Junior leaving forever, to live in Vegas with a sugar-daddy named Sir Harry, and neighbor Lou Jean exiting stage left, declaring she wants an old-fashioned "menage a deux". End title card of "Finis" doesn't come soon enough.
