The Fat Spy

Let's not beat around the bush. This movie is terrible. Jack E. Leonard is just not funny. He's fat in a rather unpleasant-looking way, he tries too hard, and he's given nothing funny to do in playing TWO PARTS.

HOWEVER, for fans of the genuinely wrong-headed and insane, this movie has some appealing facets. The music is pretty doggone cool. The film begins very suddenly with two guys singing an acoustic rock number on a dock. Recorded live, they're just singing "People Sure Act Funny When They Get A Little Money", and it goes on for about 5 minutes and you don't know if it is part of the movie or what. It suddenly ends and shifts to a cool, cartoon mid-60s style of credits with a bouncy title tune.

Later the band, The Wild Ones, treat us to their song "The Turtle". It's the "slowest dance you'll ever do," replete with leering camera shots of the chicks in their skimpy suits writhing along. The song really rocks in an intense way. The lead girl character gets a song of her own, which would serve as a brilliant parody of Lesley Gore, if the filmmakers were smart enough. It is unbelievably catchy, but the basic theme is "I'm so glad I never get my way and you are a man, because you put me down the nicest way you can." On second thought, that's the actual chorus!

So these and a few other musical moments bring the movie to a level of disbelieving watchability. Fast forward through all the "comedy".

"Off the Florida coast, teenagers (sic) come to a nearly deserted island, rumored to have 'The Fountain of Youth.' This island's owner is none too happy about that, and dispatches his daughter, Junior, to get rid of them. The island's only resident, Irving (Jack E. Leonard), is Junior's sweetie. He is sent to spy on the kids to find out what they know. Irving's twin brother and his girlfriend Camille (Phyllis Diller), are also headed for the island, with their own nefarious plans," according to the DVD sleeve description.

Baby-fattened Jayne Mansfield (as Junior) is introduced hiding her belly behind a bust of George Washington. But, the titular "Fat Spy" refers to "Bronx High School of Science" and "Fink University" stand-up comic Jack E. Leonard (as twins Irving and Herman). With a bald head, Mr. Leonard smooches Ms. Diller, while a toupee allows gets him some necking time with Ms. Mansfield. Her father is rotund Brian Donlevy (as George Wellington), who mutters something about "LSD 26"and speaks on a phallic telephone.

Hopefully, Mr. Donlevy had more blackouts than flashbacks regarding this appearance. Leonard and Diller were likely able to laugh it off. Also appearing, in a candy-striped swimsuit, pop star Johnny Tillotson (as Dodo Bronk) re-plays the "Mermaid" subplot from "Beach Blanket Bingo" (1965). None of the aforementioned cast members are seen at their best, but four stars must be awarded Jordan Christopher and the Wild Ones (Chuck Alden, Tom Trick, Ed Wright and Tom Graves) for the bathing suits and tight tunes.

"People Sure Act Funny" (an apt opener), "Nanette" and "Wild Way of Living" (the version nearer the end of the film) are highlights.

**** The Fat Spy (5/11/66) Joseph Cates ~ Jack E. Leonard, Phyllis Diller, Jordan Christopher, Jayne Mansfield

Not much. BUT, for a low (low, low, low) budget "beach party" film (set in Florida, for a change) there are *just* enough special moments to satisfy the truly curious. Those moments are all found in the musical numbers: Frank E Leonard croons to his long-lost love, cosmetics mogul Phyllis Diller, an amusing "love" song regarding Diller's supposed ugliness in "You Haven't Changed a Bit"....with lines like "the paper said that Peeping Tom was pulling down your shade.." Ironic, as Phyllis Diller looks quite good here. Jayne Mansfield portrays a chubby daddy's girl/bush pilot who is sent by her father (Brian Donlevy) to see what 'those kids' are up to, and in doing so meets up with her beloved (Frank E Leonard, in a second role). Jayne gets to sing one song, the charming "I'd Like To Be a Rose in Your Garden (But I'm Just a Thorn in Your Side)." In real life, Jayne is obviously pregnant (with her youngest child); in some scenes there was no attempt to conceal her growing belly. Maybe the intention was for her character to be plump? Other numbers include cast member Lauree Berger (a very appealing short-haired brunette who could easily have given Annette Funicello a run for her money) singing the weirdly upbeat but submissive ditty "You Put Me Down the Nicest Way You Can." Jordan Christopher and the Wild Ones appear as "the boys" and perform "The Turtle", a slow-moving dance -which is like nothing you'll ever see in the big-budget "beach" movies. However, none of these musical moments belong in the same film with the Jordan Christopher-Lauree Berger duet "Nanette", a dreamily beautiful melody that could have been a hit if it wasn't lost in this film. "The Fat Spy" succeeds in a few fragments -if not as a whole- and for that its worth a look.

What was everyone thinking when they signed on for this one?

The Fat Spy has just about everything wrong with it, actors not motivated to act, jokes that just fall flat, a plot that makes no sense, and Jack E. Leonard.

I remember Jack E. Leonard from many viewings of the Ed Sullivan show in the Fifties and Sixties. He was the Don Rickles of his day. A roly-poly comedian who made his bones in burlesque, Leonard specialized in insult comedy.

For some reason someone thought he'd be good to star in a feature film. So The Fat Spy was created and we got two Jack E. Leonards. They're playing brothers, one of whom is involved with Jayne Mansfield and the other with Phyllis Diller. Talk about differing tastes, that is the funniest thing about The Fat Spy.

No one ever asked Leonard to star in another film. Jayne Mansfield would make two more and then be tragically taken from us. Phyllis Diller was better served by her appearances with Bob Hope. Brian Donlevy is Jayne's father in this film and he calls her Junior. Donlevy has a look of pain throughout the film, wondering if his paycheck was going to clear the bank.

Anyway a group of treasure hunting teenagers on Brian Donlevy's private island look like they might discover the fabled Fountain of Youth rumored to be there. As Shaw says, "youth is wasted on the young" so the older generation wants to chase the kids off and get the secret of eternal youth for themselves.

Johnny Tillotson who is a fine singer and songwriter made his one and only appearance in film as a character. Acting was not among his talents, but he got to run off with a mermaid.

Pass this one by unless you want to hear Johnny Tillotson sing.

I would like to know the story behind "Fat Spy". After all, when you watch it, you keep saying to yourself that this must be a joke! That's because it's a horrible and incomprehensible mess--even worse, in many places, than films like "Plan 9 From Outer Space" or "Robot Monster"! That's because the movie is so disjoint--as if someone just tossed many disparate pieces of junk and strung them all together. In fact, just describing the plot is practically impossible, as the film is THAT much of a mess.

The film consists of three usually separate films. One is a teen film--sort of like a SUPER-cheap surfer film. None of the folks performing in it appeared to be real actors--just a bunch of young adults cavorting on some island off the coast of Florida. They say that they are looking for some hidden treasure but this rarely seems to be the case. Another consists of music videos by some group I'd never heard of...and I assume the same would be true for you and I can DEFINITELY understand why they never became more famous! The final is made up of professional(??) but mostly D-list stars performing some skits--most of which aren't funny in the least (but I did like the Jackie Leonard song that he sings to Phyllis Diller). The scenes really look like outtakes--bad ones at that. You KNOW a film is doomed when it is anchored by Diller, Leonard and Jayne Mansfield. Oddly, however, Brian Donlevy (a legitimate actor!!) appears in a few of these scenes. All three are woven, ineptly, together with some plot involving the fountain of youth...kind of. And, to make matters worse, the film has no ending....just some sort of hurried comments on the screen trying (in vain) to wrap everything together!

Is the film worth seeing? Well, since it's in the public domain, it costs nothing--so at least that's a plus. Otherwise, unless you are a bad film addict, stay away...RUN from this film. But, for folks who like to see people embarrass themselves, it is an interesting curio.