Il boia scarlatto

Jayne Mansfield and her husband, Hungarian bodybuilder Miklos "Mickey" Hargitay were in Italy to shoot PRIMITIVE LOVE when Mickey took time off (about a weekend, judging from the quality of the movie) to shoot this one based (allegedly) on the writings of the Marquis DeSade. I have read some of the Marquis' books and while they are full of sex, violence and politics they describe no one like The Crimson Executioner. Okay here we go. Some people arrive at a remote castle to shoot photos for the covers of pulp novels (they are popular in Europe to this day!). The owner of the castle lets them use his dungeon but suddenly up pops some guy in red tights and a Lone Ranger mask claiming to be the 300 year old Crimson Executioner and it is his duty to punish them for their immoral behavior. I know we are supposed to sympathize with the innocent victims but the models up to this point are depicted as so self centered and empty headed it is hard to feel sorry for them even as we watch them being tortured. Then again maybe it is because the ordeals are so unconvincing. I mean, the girl on the rack has her arms bent even as C.E. is turning the wheel; and somehow I doubt the mechanical spider device he dreams up was widely in use back in the 17th Century. One very effective moment has one man trying to drive for help only to be shot through the neck by an arrow. The car drives aimlessly in circles with his dead body at the wheel. Nothing else in the movie approaches that level of intensity. Walter Brandi is good as the hero. He was also in THE VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA and SLAUGHTER OF THE VAMPIRES. Femi Benussi, who seems to get the worst of the tortures (maybe because she is blonde) was also in TARZANA, THE WILD GIRL. Mickey Hargitay also played Hercules once and did a few other movies too. Arnold Schwarzenegger once said Mickey was one of his role models. Does that mean Arnold might remake this movie? Let's hope someone talks him out of it.

Surely nobody goes into this laughable cheese-fest expecting to see a quality horror film. Even by Italian standards - Bava and Argento excepted - this is utter nonsense. The horror part is well, what horror part? The plot is utterly predictable, no surprises there. The dialog is just as predictable. As for the scenery we are treated to some spectacular vistas (they caught my wife's fancy long enough to pause in passing and in her determination to avoid taking part in my passion for horrible films) and the castle where the action takes place is really cool! So what else is there to recommend this? It's all about perfect bodies, a good number of them, enough to keep members of both sexes entertained. Mickey Hargitay who plays our villain has, as he so proudly informs the audience often enough, THE perfect body. He puts the rest of us puny males to shame with the utter certainty that no matter how hard we try we'll never reach that level of physical beauty. On the other side of the gender barrier the women are equally gorgeous. They are all curvaceous, luscious, mouth-watering eye candy to awaken the man-beast in every male out there. Bear in mind there is no real nudity. The closest we get to risqué scenes is just the hint of the top part of nipples. Otherwise it's all designed to tantalize the male spectator with the prospect of revealing the hidden parts without doing so. How delicious! Well, perhaps not for recently pubescent and inexperienced teens. For them it might be too frustrating.

One final point. The hero is the exact opposite of our gorgeous villain. A Joe Pesci look-alike, he's not exactly my idea of a hero and he in fact gets beat up pretty regularly until he finally prevails with strategic karate chops. Makes you wonder why he doesn't use them before he gets punched out within an inch of his life, but I digress. The heroine is clearly above his league in the looks department but also not as sexy or exotic as any one of the other four women. So I'm not sure but maybe the producers were trying to insert a moral about looks and death but who knows? Any way you look at it this movie will keep you chuckling and salivating neither of which is a bad thing.

Mickey Hargitay(aka Mister Jayne Mansfield) pulls all the stops in his demented ham-and-cheese portrayal of a man possessed by "The Crimson Executioner"...a sadistic monster of barbaric times. Gasp as you witness him cruelly torturing a crew of photographers and models who have decided that his dank stone castle is a perfect spot for a photo shoot. While flexing and posing his oiled-up, muscular body in the horrified presence of these helplessly bound captives, he randomly hurls crack-up dialog about how irritated he is by these scrawny plebeians, and how perfectly ripped his awesome body is. What possible retort could an unfortunate victim deliver once slapped with such self-aggrandizing harangue? How about "OH! You are an EGOTIST!"?

HA! ...yes...it's *THAT* good...

BLOODY PIT OF HORRROR labors for Gothic horror atmosphere (mostly by virtue of stone castle sets immersed in garish color-filtered mood lighting), though the upshot is a slumgullion of juvenile comic book shocks tinged with cheap psychedelia and homoerotic S&M weirdness.

A high-camp Eurokitsch favorite...recommended. 6.5/10

SPOILER: BLOODY PIT OF HORROR is a camp offering with homoerotic overtones. The reason for this is Mickey Hargitay, Jayne Mansfield's muscleguy husband. A group of models, a book publisher, his secretary, a horror writer, and a hairdresser encrouch on an old castle(the same one visited by a group of dancers in THE VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA)to shoot photos to be used as the basis for illustrations on pulp horror books. Hargitay is the master of the castles, and initially orders the group to leave, but relents when he sees the secretary, who used to be his girlfriend. Hargitay becomes unhinged when he sees the sexy goings-on of the models and dons red tights, a medallion and a hood, believing himself to be the late "Crimson executioner". He tortues the scantly clad lovelies in the dungeon with boiling oil, the rack, an iron maiden, a giant spiderweb and a revolving thingamajig with swords that kinkly peel of parts of the models lingerie the closer they revolve to it. The male characters are also dispatched in various ways(the coolest: the hairdresser attempts to drive for help and is shot with an arrow by one of Hargitay's servants in the middle of a left turn, and corpse slumps over the steering wheel, the car going in a continuous circle). Hargitay, who is dubbed with the rest of the cast(it's an Italian flick), goes way over the top. Give it a looksee if your a masochist or lover of models in distress!