Kiss Me Quick!

Sterilox, a Stan Laurel clone, is sent by his alien overlord to Earth to find females, not for breeding, but to serve! Where else would an alien go to find the the perfect specimen, but to the laboratory of Dr. Breedlove, whose experiments on women are quite revolutionary. A sexist, pre-women's lib comedy that has some good one-liners and hot naked women, as well as excellent color photography and cool sets. All of the classic monsters are there too! Must be seen to be believed.

"Kiss Me Quick" enjoys the honor of being the greatest "nudie-cutie" movie ever made. Of course, this is a pretty meaningless reputation since this sub genre – if you can ever refer to it as a sub genre - of exploitation just briefly existed between the mid-60's and early 70's and only spawned a handful of thoroughly boring and horrendously incompetent titles. "Kiss Me Quick" is just as thoroughly boring and horrendously incompetent as the rest, but at least some of the tasteless jokes are funny and the story serves a couple of original gimmicks. There aren't any opening credits, for example, but instead there's a female voice-over literally mentioning the entire cast and crew list. Also, there are the irrelevant guest appearances of legendary Universal horror monsters (like Frankenstein and Dracula) and the lead character – named Dr. Breedlove – is a sheer homage to acclaimed genre actors Bela Lugosi and Peter Lorre. Any movie that hints at classic horror this much deserves some attention from me, regardless how stupid and amateurish it may be. The plot introduces on a nerdy alien – resembling Benny Hill – named Sterilox, who teleports himself from the Buttless galaxy to our planet with a mission to bring back an earthly female specimen. For you see, in Buttless there aren't any women but they observed our sexual habits long enough to develop an interest in our method of reproducing. Sterilox arrives in the laboratory of Dr. Breedlove, a completely deranged self-acclaimed genius scientist who literally fabricates women in his remote hillside castle, and together they extendedly browse through his collection of lewd creations. So, basically, this means "Kiss Me Quick" simply depicts two idiots staring at women dancing and undressing for nearly 70 minutes, and that about wraps it up completely. The only thing that keeps the film endurable are their continuous moronic remarks, as even the girls' wobbling boobs rapidly become monotonous to look at. Obviously this isn't a film for devoted feminists to watch, because the girls are literally referred to as humble and obedient objects whose only dialogs exist of repeating the title over and over again. If you should decide to watch this movie and you end up hating it, you only have yourself to blame. What kind of masterpiece do you expect when the characters' names include Barebra, GeeGee String and Gina Catchafanny?

Kiss Me Quick! (1964)

** (out of 4)

It turns out that aliens have no females so they send a male alien named Sterilox to Earth so that with the help of Dr. Breedlove he can find woman to knock up. This sexploitation film is a minor take off on Kubrick's Dr. strangelove but have no fear because the Kubrick movie isn't going to lose any viewers to this thing. I've seen quite a few of these sexploitation flicks and this here is one of the better ones but that doesn't mean it's a good movie. What this film does offer unlike others is that the director has a lot of energy in the film with the camera constantly moving and various other things coming in and out of the story. You've got a lot of naked women but a mummy, Frankenstein's monster and even Dracula show up for some silly stuff.

With a line up like that how can a movie be bad? Sterilox is sent to earth from the Buttless Galaxy to find slave girls and the perfect girl for bleeding stock from the strange lab of Dr. Bleedlove with lots and lots of topless girls. So there is a loose plot to hold together the overall mission of the film which is to show topless girls dancing around. I'm sure the budget of this film top at least $500-$600. A few left overs from the Sci_Fi prop department at use to give it a added flare. Over all is fun and makes a great open minded date film, long as you're not dating a prude. If I ever become a mad doctor in a lab, I'm getting a go-go dance to mix my beakers for me. Another great find from Something Strange Video worth having a look or adding to any 60's sexplotation collection.

Kiss Me Quick is a masterpiece of its genre (nudie cutie), accepting of course that the genre has fairly low standards. The film has humor, which separates it from some of its competitors. It also has attractive girls, some especially so in the mid-sixties sort of way. Somehow the women in those days managed to look attractive and voluptuous without looking slutty. Harry Novak, the Producer, said that most of the women were recruited from the Classic Cat, which was a strip club in Los Angeles. In those days strippers didn't have tattoos or body piercings or look like they could kick your butt.

This film was made during the ear of monster popularity. The Addams Family and the Munsters were big hits on television, so of course we get monsters as the male characters in the film. Short on plot, this film is basically wall-to-wall women dancing without wearing too many clothes. But more importantly, it wasn't intended to be anything more than that; its reach did not exceed its grasp.

The final scene, with the woman coming down a conveyor belt and having labels slapped on them was a stroke of pure artistic genius.