A Besta de Yucca Flats

Tor Johnson the famed Swedish Angel wrestler and member in good standing of the Ed Wood stock company stars as The Beast Of Yucca Flats. Tor wasn't always a beast, in fact he was a respected defecting Russian nuclear scientist whom the KGB tracked down to the Yucca Flats testing site. The Russians and the FBI shoot it out over possession of Tor, but a nuclear blast settles the issue.

It leaves the FBI and the Russians quite dead, but all Tor has is a nasty skin rash and a nastier disposition. He's now The Beast of Yucca Flats and the rest of the film involves law enforcement tracking him down after he commits a few murders. There's also a couple of stray kids lost on the desert and a suspenseful race to get them before The Beast Of Yucca Flats does.

I just saw another terrible science fiction flick in which the same voice-over technique was used masking the performances of the cast who I'm sure were giving Oscar quality performances. Probably just as well we didn't hear too much banal dialog, but the voice-over wasn't any better.

As for the cinematography most amateur film makers have done better with an old Belle&Howell.

I just finished reading a biography of Bela Lugosi in which Tor Johnson is described as a big, lovable, pussycat of a man. I feel kind of bad for him. His best work might well be in Mighty Joe Young where he was one of the wrestlers challenging the large simian in that tug of war. As for The Beast Of Yucca Flats, no Ed Wood product has anything on this film.

I had no idea when I started watching this movie what it was about but I was very well surprised by the extremely low quality of the movie.

It consists of no on screen dialog, a speaker-voice reads an pretensious load of crap as Tor Johnson staggers around as a confused Russian scientist harmed by a nuclear-test. Even if someone for some bizarre reason would WANT to make such an insane movie they would not have been able to come up with something like this.

Only a truly deranged mind could make such a movie. A genius in its own world of badness, competing with brilliant filmmakers like Ed Wood and others but Coleman Francis outnumbers them all!!

THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is a classic "good bad movie." Big Tor Johnson is a Russian scientist who is transformed into a choke-happy maniac after an A-bomb test. With two of the blandest rangers imaginable hot on his trail, the "beast" makes caveman noises, takes a nap, chases after children with a stick and, in an uncontrollable fit of rage, tosses a rock.

While Tor's indescribable performance is enough to fill one bad movie, there are plenty of other "highlights". For one, the film was shot as a silent, with audio (including some incredibly cheesy "suspense" music) added in post-production. The voice-overs are every bit as unconvincing as the acting. It's impossible to watch the characters interact and not picture someone sitting in front of a microphone, indifferently reading from a script.

Secondly, the film has plot holes so big not even Tor's supper could fill them. The opening scene, for instance, depicts someone (presumably the beast) murdering an innocent woman. But it's prior to Johnson's transformation, and the maniac never leaves Yucca Flats. So who did the deed? And why is it so easy for these characters to get so close to an atomic testing site? And why can't the rangers manage to climb a summit so non-challenging that a couple of young boys have no problem? I guess it helps not to be so inquiring.

The absolute best (or worst?) part of this film is the inane "narration" by director Coleman Francis. With so much silence to fill, it often sounds like Francis is just making things up as he goes along, hoping to sound deep, sophisticated and poetic. An example: "Boys from the city, not yet caught by the whirlwind of progress, feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs." Or: "Touch a button, things happen. A scientist becomes a beast." But just reading such quotes don't do them justice. They really have to be heard, in Coleman's serious-toned voice, to be believed.

And what about the "beast"? Despite the title, Johnson isn't much of one. He looks pretty much like the regular Tor Johnson, save for some "puffy burn" makeup. I was expecting some phony-looking rubber monster. Nor does this beast really do beastly things. He just chokes (or tries to choke) people and makes caveman noises. In the personality department, he makes Frankenstein's monster look like Freddy Krueger.

What's most amazing about THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is that it was a big screen release. People paid money to see this, and in its day, more than a few presumably had to cover their eyes at the sheer horror. The budget was said to be around $34,000, but you'd be hard-pressed to find where even that minute amount went. It looks a group of friends just got together one weekend to have some fun with their new film recorder. Consider the rabbit who hopped onto the set toward the end of filming. Francis just went with the unscripted moment as the rabbit investigated Johnson, who at that point was supposed to be dead but is revived long enough to kiss the animal (what's that about?) before again losing consciousness. It's reminiscent of your family's home videos when the camera suddenly jerks away from little Jimmy roasting marshmallows to an impromptu moment in the background: "Look! A rabbit!"

Love it or hate it, THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is truly unlike anything we've ever seen or will see again. Though it may take more than one viewing to fully appreciate the ineptness, its ridiculousness will stay with you. Recommended for anyone whose gut hurt after PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE.

There is something very Zen-like about "Beast of Yucca Flats". The vast lingering views of the desert Southwest. The odd disconnected dialogue that sounds completely disembodied. The haiku like narration.

It is in the spirit of Coleman Francis' narration that I now give impressions of the film: A clock ticks. A beautiful girl. A hidden killer. The clock stops. There is no connection.

The vast desert. A plane lands. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist. Joseph Javorski, who looks like he could eat whole pigs, has the fate of the world in his briefcase. The Kremlin's best make him a target. The wheels of progress grind on.

A chase. Bullets. Murder. Flag on the Moon...how did it get there? A bomb. More progress. Touch a button, something happens. A scientist becomes a beast.

Figures in a landscape. Who knows how long we really have? Joe and Jim, desert patrolman. They guard freedom and democracy 24/7 in this landscape. A beast is on the loose. Joseph Javorski, once a noted scientist, now...nothing.

There is no progress in the desert. Yet its effects are everywhere. Man's progress. Quench the killer's thirst. A family stops for a rest. The beast appears. A terrible mistake. Policemen with quick guns and the minds of swine. An innocent man dies. Who cares? Two boys feed soda pop to thirsty pigs. It's progress, you know.

Confrontation. A fight that is not a fight. A gun with no bullets fires. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist, becomes rabbit food. The wheels of progress grind on. End.

The viewer's mind becomes nothing. What have we seen? Who believes in flying saucers? Coleman Francis. The name lingers on. The lonely cry of desert winds. I love the movies.

A man. A movie. Mans inhumanity to the movie.

I have watched my share of garbage-amateur-horrible-z-grade horror, but Coleman Francis's: The Beast of Yucca Flats must be the worst ever! I cannot say I wasn't warned by other user comments, but such a warning only sparked my interest. If there ever was a movie, which deserved to be rated 1/10 this must be it.

The Plot: A defecting Russian scientist (Tor Johnson) is chased into atomic testing grounds by KGB agents, and he turns into a monster after he is exposed to a nuclear blast. You can tell he has turned into a monster because his hair is now white! The monster goes on a killing rampage, and two detectives venture out to stop him.

What went wrong: Short answer: Everything!

1. Dubbing. It took a while before I noticed that you never see any of the characters when they speak, so I checked the IMDb trivia section. Apparently the movie was shot without sound and later dubbed and to avoid out of sync problems the characters had their backs to the camera when talking or the camera focused on something else… It is hilarious to watch two people talk when the camera constantly shifts to the character that isn't talking. And then trying to get away with it for a whole hour…

2. The "score". The score is so over the top dramatic that it adds to the fun. A man walks through the desert/prairie and suddenly he sees a Keep Out sign, and you are blasted backwards in your chair by the music. Judging by the music a Keep Out sign is so much scarier than getting stabbed while showering… I guess it is supposed to compensate for the missing suspense/horror/action on all the other fronts!

3. The Narrator. The funniest thing in the movie is the narrator (Coleman Francis himself), who speaks with a calm and intellectual voice. I don't think one word he spoke made any sense – it's pseudo-intellectual dribble from the beginning to the end. We see a man lying in a hammock and the narrator goes: "Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers". I have no idea where he got flying saucers from – there are none in the movie nor are they ever mentioned. We see the scientist walking into the testing grounds and the narrator says: "Touch a button. Things happen. A scientist becomes a beast". It's like that during the whole movie.

4. Acting and effects. If the movie was supposed to be scary it would all depend on the monster, but like I already mentioned it consists of Tor Johnson with some white stuff on his face. We see the horrible monster chase a couple of boys, but sadly the monster is so fat it cannot really run, but it can throw rocks and wave a big stick… There are a couple of gunfights in the movie, but the bullets don't make holes or draw blood… Now, this might all sound like it makes some kind of sense, but let me assure you that it does not! There are so many whys and WTFs in this movie!

I will join the 393 out of 527 who rated this movie 1/10, but the fun factor is a lot higher. I didn't end up hating the movie like I did with Troll 2. And hey… it's only 54 minutes!