Pagan Warrior

Yikes! If you're a fan of bad cinema, this one's definitely good for a few laughs.

A band of, I don't know, FIVE vikings, overtake an English castle by hunting down its royalty (consisting of, I don't know, 5 people)... all of them, medieval fair rejects. So the king ("Rollo" the candy snack) is rescued by a couple witches, and they summon Krampus, the Yuletide Demon, to get the castle back!

No shortage of awful dialogue, and it is OBSCENE the number of times the curse is explained (and it's a simple one). The witches even blunder the whole thing. It's kind of unclear when this all takes place, as there is a typo in the introduction. Apparently the casting pool was thin (not just for the obvious reasons I described); The accents are all over the place. The two witches are from completely different regions, I swear the queen is Indian and speaks in an Indian accent (linkedin says she's English), and one of the vikings distinctly speaks with an American accent on occasion. Worth a buck at Dollar Tree (and no more).

Trying to overtake their enemies, a Viking raid on their castle sends several surviving members of the woods where they're either captured or killed for their amusement, but when a chance for redemption is offered a legendary creature sends it out to take out the invaders one by one.

Overall, this was a fun if somewhat problematic effort. One of the better aspects to be had with this one comes from the rather solid and somewhat enjoyable setup to the eventual rampage of the creature. The initial setup of the raid on the castle and sending the occupants scurrying into the wilderness in a quest for power and control that brings the two sides against each other in gruesome combat offers a fine starting point to get the Viking clan out as the villains of the piece. Featuring the further work done to bring about the need for revenge on their attackers by the use of black magic rituals to summon the creature to act as a vessel to do so, there's a noteworthy starting point to be had here with the central storyline. As well, the resulting sequences offer the revenge rampage of the creature taking out the ruthless Vikings in the castle. The ceremony that brings it to life is a fine enough occult ritual, bringing together a gruesome enough series of actions with some fine storyline connotations to make it make sense, which is nicely augmented by the scenes that inspire it as the sword-play confrontations that bring about some decent gore here. The second half involving the creature stalking the remaining Vikings in the castle and surrounding countryside features a lot of great encounters where it takes out the family and chases them into the woods where the encounters are a bit more vicious and violent. As this usually features a lot of solid work here with the creature which contains a solid enough look and design which is featured throughout here, these all manage to give this a lot to like about it. There are some drawbacks to the film that hold it down. The main issue here is the seemingly innate ability to effectively tell this kind of story on this kind of budget as the elaborate story is hampered by its low-strung origins. Featuring an intricate story of a series of Viking raids on the castle of an English lord only to find the area so understaffed they overrun it with ease and take them hostage, that the sides here are represented by figures in the single-digits and the castle they place it in manages to be a single wall that looks like a castle from the outside but is just so effectively neutered by the budget it's hard to take seriously at times. That extends to the flimsy effects where it hardly features any on-screen blood or gore and has only implications more than anything happening on-screen so it falls short in that regard. With this one also not making any sense as to why the particular creature was selected since it never plays into the folklore in any way, these all manage to drag it down.

Rated Unrated/R: Violence and Language.

A Saxon castle is miraculously overrun by a weirdly miniscule band of marauding 'Vikings', King Rollo (Peter Cosgrove) and his queen are grievously injured and his beloved daughter Avery (Jessica O'Toole) are crudely captured by the shouty, weasel-faced Ubbe (Carey Thring), the king's badly gored, terminally ailing body is hexed back to life by a pair of mumsy wood-dwelling witches and a fateful bargain is made with a hell-summoned, black-mawed Krampus (Darrell Griggs) to slay his outlander enemies and rightfully reclaim his throne, needless to say it all goes epically and hilariously Pete Tong! Going after Pagan Warrior's myriad failings is no less sporting than shooting outsized salmon in a barrel with a bazooka, but it is the director's bizarre lack of irony and witheringly earnest seriousness that ultimately won me over, as 'Pagan Warrior' is endearing rather than cinematically competent, much like a toddler's first, frantic attempts at art is outwardly encouraged, but is inwardly ruthlessly satirized!

What you effectively have here is a game group of overeager chums boisterously Larping about in the country, the undernourished 'Vikings' look like Sabaton groupies, while the majestically bearded Peter Cosgrove vaingloriously attempts his best Sean Harris impression as King Rollo, the 'acting' only rarely rises above the monotonous mumblings of a school nativity play, but the penurious producers wisely invested their Poundland budget in the creepily charismatic, Viking slaying Krampus , proving to be a remarkably effective beastie, a toothsomely theatrical terror that colourfully channels Mortiis and 'Funny man' to amusing effect. The plucky can-do film-makers all deserve a Blue Peter badge for their elephantine efforts, as it takes some bulletproof chutzpah to attempt a period Blood n' Thunder Viking romance with a camcorder and 4 months' lunch money! But, I am wholly convinced it is the inadvertently hilarious film's heroic absurdity that should deservedly earn it a loyal legion of wrong-headed Z-movie fanatics!

Psychotronic-minded aficionados of 'The Room', 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' and 'Robot Monster' are, perhaps, the ideal beer-sozzled demographic for the more esoteric pleasures to be found in 'Pagan Warrior', but it must also be said that I clearly have more faith in 'Pagan Warrior' than the disingenuous designers of the artwork, since it erroneously features two suitably steely-looking characters that absolutely do not appear in the film! 'Pagan Warrior' needs to be on your B-Movie naughty list, Yule be mythically mad to miss it!!!!

This is exactly what I wanted. I wanted blood, gore, drama, hack and slash and that's what I got. Film is here to entertain and I was very entertained. More viking movies please and thanks!

Louisa Warren, who previously produced such horror fare as 2018's 'Curse of the Scarecrow' and 'Tooth Fairy' the following year, releases her most accomplished film to date - and there's no doubting the scale of its ambition. This is one of six films she directed in 2019 and quite easily my favourite of those I have seen.

It's a mixed bag to be sure, with many of its problems occurring because of obvious low budget (mainly a small cast of actors trying to look like a horde), but some details are sloppy too. The date given for the setting is given as 812 and 1812 at the beginning, and in the end credits, the monster of the piece is billed both as 'Krampas' and 'Krampus'.

That's the negatives out of the way for the most part. The location is stunning, the storyline is nicely paced. The various deaths (some of which take ages) are fairly bloodless, relying on gooey sound effects to convey non-present gore (my guess is they didn't want to stain the costumes with fake gore). There are some terrific overhead shots. But the main praise goes to the main man, Krampus: Darrell Griggs gives a terrific, towering performance sporting a supreme make-up job which even survives the scrutiny of harsh daylight filming (pity it didn't stretch to his comparatively human-looking hands though).

Far from perfect, this is nevertheless a good solid production that deserves support. I just wish they'd stuck with the original title - 'Vikings vs. Krampus' is a cracker! My score is 7 out of 10.