House Shark

I had to pause this movie with about 12 minutes left til the end, and I honestly didn't think I could finish it. I purposely combed through the closing credits to see if there was an editor, because I didn't believe there was one. Surprise, surprise, writer/director Ron Bonk also edited his own movie. I would say, only he would leave in all the unnecessary dialogue, subplots that go nowhere, dead air, abandoned characters, and utter nonsense. House Shark runs nearly 2 hours! Is there a good movie in here somewhere? Probably not. I'm giving it 4 stars because on a few occasions, I either laughed out loud or said "that was pretty good." 3 laughs in 2 hours? It starts off promisingly enough, with full-frontal nudity and an outrageously gory shark attack. As a matter of fact, after a certain amount of time, I thought this movie hired exclusively slutty actresses. No way, the bulk of this film gives way to a sausage fest.

I understand this filmmaker wanted to populate his movie with OTT characters, to be as campy as possible. Problem is, they're *SO* OTT, I couldn't understand them half the time! My expectations were certainly dashed. From the title, the concept, the zero-budget creative nature, the exploitative nature, the indie nature, the front and back cover, and what you would normally expect from a film like this. So, it's possible I'm being unfair. But it did not deliver on any of those levels.

Fans of SHE KILLS or NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE might be inclined to give this one a watch, but HOUSE SHARK doesn't rise to the same heights as those other movies.

This is much more obviously a parody of movies like SHARKNADO with plenty of allusions to JAWS. Unfortunately, it's a bit too self-indulgent. Some of the jokes land and they're hilarious; many others merit a chuckle, if that.

At an hour and 52 minutes, it overstays its welcome and needed to trim about 30 minutes off the runtime.

The performances and special effects were adequate for the tone of the movie. Wayne W. Johnson and Melissa LaMartina turned in commendable performances. I was disappointed in Trey Harrison's turn in the lead role, but perhaps that was due to the script (or maybe improvised takes?) that went too often for "jokes" that didn't work.

Judged solely on whether it's a good time, I would have to say, maybe if you're drinking. Otherwise, it's too inconsistent and needed ruthless editing.

The quinn wannabe was a bit irritating and the effects if you can call it that were pretty cheesy. if you wanna try and be as bad or worse than mulva zombie ass kicker as the worst movie ever might wanna try a bit harder. after 10 mins i was looking for the exit and should get a medal for finishing this one. i wouldn't recommend it even for a time killer and you have better things to do.

The shark movies always try to be funny but this one actually succeeds. It probably should have been about 20 minutes shorter though.

I enjoy poorly-done, low-budget, screwball movies for their sheer lunacy and entertainment value, but this one...Never before have I seen anything put on film that was this outlandishly ridiculous. Some jokes are funny, and Mr. Bonk thought he must have been playing a great prank on the audience. From the pitiful acting, to the obsession over certain body parts, and the ludicrous foam "house shark," there were literally no redeeming parts to this "film." I tried to enjoy ANY part of this cinematic treasure and I just couldn't. If you want to punish someone for almost two hours, ask them to watch "House Shark" with you.