Missão Condor

If Paramount Pictures places a movie in theaters there's some expectation of size and scale, especially for a movie that bills itself an action-thriller, but Condor's Nest falls short.

Story: 6/10. Nothing original here, a very standard revenge story that gets a few extra points for surprising me at times.

Performances: 7/10. This is the movie's strong point. Arnold Vosloo makes a great baddie. Newcomers Al Pagano and Corinne Britti bring deeply-needed color to an otherwise grim spectacle. Michael Ironside and Jorge Garcia have surprise cameos that drive the story along even if they aren't particularly memorable.

Production: 3/10. Perhaps expectations were too high, but I had a hard time believing the car chase was real, that the plane was really crashing, that we were really in the 1950s. The cinematography is on point but even that can't save it from low-budget malaise.

Final score 5/10.

This is by far the worst attempt at a war film, that I'm guessing, was also trying to be funny in a Inglourious Basterds kind of way, but not even a smirk was cracked - more like cringe moments. This felt more like a long, dragged out bad SNL sketch. The 102 min runtime felt endless with terrible pacing and long dragged out and mostly unnecessary scenes. At best, this should've been a short film. The story was just flaccid, lame, and boring. I've seen better cast performances in a high school drama class, but I'm sure most of the blame falls on writer and director Phil Blattenberger's inexperience on how to direct his cast properly. I'm not sure why this nonsense was even made. The bogus high reviews are more entertaining. It's a very generous 3/10 from me, being very forgiving for many rookie mistakes by a newb filmmaker. Blattenberger should've at least consulted a more experienced filmmaker for the many needed areas of improvement.

No spoilers. This movie open was so much promise. The first half of the movie is excellent. The protagonist is ruthless and it's consistent with the character. However, the second half of the movie the protagonist turns into a beta male, the girl boss shows up and saves the day, and, the scenes with the Nazis are played to whimsical tone. That's almost a separate movie from the first half. Really disappointing that the movie didn't hold it serious tone throughout the movie. What opened as a movie about Obsession and ruthlessness, degrades into standard adventure, fair and inappropriate whimsical scenes that are not consistent with first half of the movie.

I'll start on a couple of positive notes.

There are two good things about this movie: 1) It's in color, and 2) It ended.

I'd say about 33% of this film is people being held at gunpoint, 33% is people being shot in the head, and the final third is people yelling at each other.

There's one long stretch with Heinrich Himmler (who here looks like a dead ringer for Hitler, which he wasn't in real life) heading up a meeting of 10 or so old Nazis (all speaking German so you have to read the subtitles throughout, whereas it would have been a good place for them to just slip into English with a German accent.

There's a long opening scene in which, after the Americans' bomber crashes near the "front lines" in France but most of the crew survives, a really bad SS guy (you'll recognize him from one of the Mummy movies) shows up, holds the crew at gunpoint, then eventually shoots all of them in the head just for giggles. It sets the thematic tone for the whole movie.

And did I mention poor acting throughout the film? Yeah, it's there and it's pretty consistent.

I dunno - maybe 2 stars is a bit generous for this one.

CONDOR'S NEST follows the vengeance quest of an American pilot who watched his crew get murdered by a Nazi and travels through South America killing tons of crazy Nazis to find him. There, that's the plot, and, basically, the entire movie. You're welcome.

THE GOOD: Character actors abound in this one, and they save what otherwise might be a particularly grim affair; every Nazi of significance is played by some talented folks ranging from Jackson Rathbone to Bruce Davison, providing a splash of color to the story.

THE BAD: Lead actor Jacob Keohane does a fine enough job, but finds himself buried by the personalities around him. There's no room for him to breathe emotionally, and we end up with a competent actor playing a one-note character.

THE UGLY: This is, very obviously, not shot in South America.

CONCLUSION: it's fairly entertaining, but if you're looking for Ben Hur you're going to wind up disappointed.