The character of Darren is clunky and unlikeable but extremely talented. Talent hasn't gotten her far though and so she must sign up to Sugar Daddy for wealthy men. She really just wants to make art and create a space of her own. For Darren this living thing is awkward; but she grins and bears it. And she appears to push through all the discomfort, but she summarily buries her feelings from herself so that she can carry on. Her saving grace is she is very ambitious. Her Achilles heel is she is equally reckless. She has to balance these qualities and package this into something substantive that can jettison her, so people are actually able to recognize her multiple talents. But she is unable to take any feedback. Her group of friends are so caught up in taking sides, trying to prove where they stand around the politics of sugardaddying that they don't really see her pain and are of little help. The scene of her careening around that room is almost too painful to watch. The fact that no one really takes an interest in her only adds to her sense of overwhelm and isolation. Darrin herself can't even begin to face, let alone reckon with the ramifications of her decisions and choices because she can't settle down long enough to consider who she is or what any of the choices mean. We do see her buying instruments and creating music. This will be her saving grace, her way to finally calm her inner frustration. You want to route for her, tell her it will all be okay. She will figure it all out. Actually she is figuring it all out. But Darrin wouldn't have the language for that and she wouldn't afford us or herself this opportunity. She is wholly reactive and spewing her anger into her music. She is like an overgrown toddler barreling down the street. When she gets the opportunity to go see the record producer she gives her some helpful info. But Darrin is too fragile to listen. I kept finding myself relieved that her suitors were actually mostly not bad guys. If they had been Darrin might not make it to the next stage in her journey; as she is already so easily provoked, like an open wound. All of this is understandable due to how much she has lost, and how precarious her recent experiences have been. She desperately needs kindness and tenderness but she can't seem to comfort herself which would be thr first step. She has to learn from her own hard knocks. But she is so hard on herself that this seems really unlikely. The antagonist in the movie and her primary sugar daddy gives her a much needed payment so she can finally get the room and space she needs to work things out. For him this is not a particularly emotional choice but simply a pragmatic one. Still it is a grand and compelling gesture that is a game changer for her. But she can't slow down, which might allow her to recognize how her life has changed, which is considerable. Instead she wants to get to the bottom of the gesture. She confronts him at a dinner and he dismisses her. So she cannot get the emotional catharsis she desperately needs, not even from him. What Darrin needs is adversarial mirroring, someone to get scrappy and messy with her; but not leave. I believe this is what the scene with her roomate is about. It's messy and confusing and compelling. When she tries to get him to have sex with her, by pushing herself on him it is a reversal of traditional power dynamics. Darrin is desperate to feel things on her own terms, and she is incredibly independent. Almost to a fault. She learns that in the final analysis, she will have to do all of this for herself. There is no one there to work it out with. Other people aren't willing to grapple with her complexities. And so when she has the room of her own, and all her tools of creation, she makes messy powerful evocative ritualistic music. She spews forth all of the things she will no longer swallow. She surrenders entirely. The scene with the oil she vomits up is pivotal. Now she is finally an empty vessel. She is then able to find beauty and refinement in herself and then with another. The scene with her sister singing accapella with her reflects this new energy. This song offers a much needed expression of peace. The song shows the sisters singing face to face; in a gesture of cohesion and symmetry. And in this song Darrin is steady, and aligned. She is symbolically finally able to internalize her own experiences. This movie is a powerful feast for the senses. We are taken on Darrin's inner journey each step of the way, and we are asked to feel her discordance palpably. I found it almost disorienting at times. We see this disconnect and feel it in scene after scene. We feel too the beauty she is trying to reach for and create as it emerges slowly. I was stunned by the colors, the rich fabrics, and the singing. And I was piqued by the uncomfortable tense sequences we were asked to travel with and through. These become the backdrop; as we grow to tentatively trust Darrin's ability to work it all out. I appreciate how much Kelly trusted her audience to stay with and live in this discomfort. She trusted her own artistic choices instead of making obvious easy choices. More please, from this extraordinary human. Highly recommended.
