Velozes & Furiosos 9

OMG. Where to even begin? I could write pages of examples of how incomprehensibly stupid this movie is. Just take my word for it. It does have enough action and effects to get thru a sitting if you are truly bored, but it's a damnation of Hollywood that a 10th installment of this car wreck of a series will surely be made.

It's not terrible, you just have to be okay with remembering it's a senseless movie. I agree with most of the crappy ratings but I do think it's still an entertaining movie.

I was laughing so hard just 20 minutes in, looking at how fake and unrealistic it was, but then what else would you expect from a fast and furious movie these days. After seeing the previous two movies, nothing surprised me, not even the illogical stunts they pulled. Though they overdid themselves this time, you really need to shut your brain off to enjoy this one because they've turned a racing movie into a superhero movie now. Almost nothing makes sense in the plot or the science behind the action sequences.

How does John The Chin Cena keep getting work? Why does Michelle Rodriquez always look like she thinks she caught the smell of a fart and she's trying to figure out where it came from.? How many bullets does a good guy clip for an AK hold? It must be a few hundred.. And when going top speed does switching gears and stomping on the gas pedal really make you that much faster? And who writes this crap and how do I get a gig like this?

As Tej (played by Ludacris) says in the movie: "as long as we obey the laws of physics, then we'll be fine, okay?"

Yeah, that concept is right out the window in this movie. Literally. But hey, at least this 2021 movie titled "F9" made for some really good laughs.

Granted, I wasn't expecting a whole lot from director Justin Lin's movie here, as the franchise has been one steady downhill ride since after the first movie. And with each movie things become more and more outrageous and out of hand. In fact, by now the movie franchise ought to be renamed into "The Outrageous and Ludicrous".

Still, I had the opportunity to watch "F9", and so I did, as I hadn't already seen it. And yeah, "F9" was as laughable as I had anticipated it.

Actually, Cipher (played by Charlize Theron) actually summarized how I was feeling throughout the entire movie here, with one single line that she uttered in the movie; "you got to be kidding me."

Visually then "F9" was good. Yeah, I will say that much, because the visuals definitely are top notch and help carry the movie, as basically everything else in the movie wasn't doing much for the movie.

And yeah, they had a very impressive cast ensemble for "F9", I will admit that much. What does amaze me, however, is that people on the cast list don't stop up and go "really?" when they read the script. But I guess, a dollar is a dollar, huh?

If you sit down to watch "F9", you have to put aside anything called laws of physics and realism. Because all those concepts are non-existing in this movie. And the abundance of things that was downright laughable and outrageous in "F9" is countless, but at least they provided me with a heap of laughs. Yeah, I couldn't help laugh throughout the majority of this movie, because it was just so bad.

"F9" is a watchable movie, but it is essentially just another testimony to why the "Fast and Furious" franchise should have stopped after "Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift".

I am rating "F9" a very bland and mediocre five out of ten stars. This is a movie that left no impressions on me, and it is one that will just quietly fade into oblivion, given its ludicrous over-the-top lack of respect for laws of physics, gravity and realism.

Just utter garbage. To say this movie was written and made by a 12 year old is an insult to a 12 year old. This franchise needs to end now.