Pinóquio

Robert Zemeckis is a filmmaker responsible for some of the most colorful, ambitious, and uniquely fanciful films of all time. While his Pinocchio remake is certainly not entirely without its effective moments of visual splendor, it pains me to say that he has continued the trend of live-action Disney remakes that somehow manage to take everything about the original and make it significantly worse.

Every character and setting in this is less expressive and vibrant than it was in 1940, completely draining them of the personality and emotional resonance that once made them so memorable and beautiful.

The voice performances are lacklustre, to say the least. Every line of dialogue from Jiminy and Pinocchio is delivered with the exact same tone of voice. There is no variety to emotions, so the stakes are never clear.

Monstro the whale is not built up at all in this version, so any sense that he is a feared, menacing presence is gone. The tension is nonexistent in the finale. The story's other villainous characters are equally disappointing, coming across as goofy and incompetent rather than calculating and manipulative.

Worst of all, there are some narrative changes made in this version, and all of them make the themes of consequence and repentance lose their meaning and weight.

In this film, Pinocchio never has any moments when he learns the negative consequences of lying, stealing, and self-indulgence like he did in the original. He seems to know these things from the get-go, and he only finds himself in the marionette show and on pleasure island because of circumstance rather than by deliberate choice.

Outside of a couple of visually creative scenes, this is a shallow, soulless copy of a once-profound story. Not to mention that it comes across as insultingly disingenuous, as we all know quite well that Disney executives today don't actually know or care about the difference between right and wrong.

Where do you even begin? You have to wonder why some Disney exec hasn't come right out and said the quiet part out loud, that they are on a quest to destroy everything that was great about Disney and completely make that legacy unrecognizable. Pinocchio doesn't seem to be an active participant in the movie he's more a victim of circumstance. He doesn't make any decisions, he's just kind of along for the ride and he really didn't have to suffer any consequences for choices. The original movie actually taught kids something valuable, and in this one they've watered down every single one of those elements. Apparently the lesson that they want to teach kids in this one is that there is no personal responsibility there's always somebody else to blame. Lying is no longer something that is to be avoided if it can be used as a superpower to get you your own way and it's a benefit to you. What an absolute disappointment.

I have set myself certain expectations with regard to Disney productions these days. Disney seems to be on this trajectory that many of us do not like, yet we cannot avert our eyes from what's coming.

The moment Pinocchio was released, I knew this film would be "Disney-fied" (in the modern sense). I suppose certain elements from the 1940 film would need a modern take to appeal to younger audiences, an with that, I note some positive points from the film:

1. The character designs were good. The designs captured the look of the original film, whilst giving them the modern look that modern films demand. In general, the CGI I thought was immaculate and gorgeous.

2. Certain parts of the dialogue made me chuckle. Naturally, dialogue would have to fit the modern context and I thought it was refreshing to hear modern dialogue in a film like this (at times).

3. The voice acting was spot-on. I especially liked Pinocchio and Honest John's voices.

Now of course, this film has many flaws:

1. The story lacks the soul that the original had. It felt more like watching a new spin-off film, as opposed to watching a Pinocchio film.

2. I was surprised how the film removed key elements from the original story. I don't see why this was even necessary.

3. The Blue Fairy just didn't do it for me. It felt very "by the way".

Overall, I think credit should be given to the cast and CGI team.

Though I think the director seems to have lost his way with his string of mediocre films of late.

"Oh, i just hit my boy of wood with a piece of wood"

Robert Zemeckis' Pinocchio is dire. Most of the CGI characters are hard to look at with Pinocchio being the worst offender. I couldn't imagine buying a toy of this version of Pinocchio, it's rather creepy looking.

The worst part of the movie is the fantasy island part. In the 1940 version, the donkey scenes to this day are terrifying, it really is a trip. Here it's just....nothing. That's probably the best way to describe the movie, a total waste of everyone's time.

Tom Hanks sleepwalks his way throughout the movie, almost as if he's only doing it as a favour to Zemeckis. I had to put the subtitles on for Geppetto as the performance consists mostly of just mutters and grunts. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Jiminy Cricket doesn't have the originals warmth and humour and grates for most of the running time.

Robert Zemeckis has fallen off big time. He used to create original work such as Back To The Future, Forrest Gump, Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Now he directs remakes of The Witches, A Christmas Carol and Pinocchio. Such a waste.

This may be the worst Disney live-action movie. They really need to stop cashing in on their classics with tripe such as this.

On this viewing, Guillermo Del Toro doesn't have much to worry about with his version of Pinocchio. It can't be any worse than this.

I'm gonna be honest, I do try my best to tolerate most of the live action remakes. We only got Jungle Book as the only one worth watching, everything else are either decent or just okay. Now the movie is released, I can already see a good reason people will debate this and the 2019 Lion King. The 2022 Pinocchio remake may not be the worst Disney Plus film, but this could be the worst live action Disney remake to date. There are Pinocchio movies out there that do try to find a way to tell the story of the character well. But this is more of a recycled film from the original 1940 one. Despite it does have some of the performances that's fateful to the original film, it had a weak execution with a poorly written story, mediocre characters, overly dark setups, and awful looking visuals. The one thing I'll say the visuals got right is with Pinocchio himself. But for the most part, they can be out of place and most of the designs try way too hard to make animal characters realistic. I mean, we already gotten Ugly Sonic in Chip and Dale. What more do you want to do all that in, Disney Plus? Of course as a painfully pointless live action Disney remake, I recommend to skip this one and stick with the original film. But you know what, let's all be thankful at least we're getting the one by Del Toro at the end of the year. When that gets released, I can guarantee it will be the one you'd want to watch instead. I think Disney should take a break from remaking their classic animated films before they embarrass themselves the more that are made.