Cabin Fever

The film industry must be in real crisis if average films are being remade after little more then a decade. The original was an OK film, I wouldn't have said it was a classic, and this remake seems so unnecessary, it doesn't differentiate from the original in any way, it doesn't bring anything new or different, it's basically remade word for word. The gore scenes are somewhat improved, a little more dramatic, and the dog scene is more dramatic.

I have so very little to say here, as I didn't enjoy it all that much, it seems only a few years ago that I went to the Cinema to watch the original, I find it more disappointing that new ideas simply aren't there, there surely has to be a vast undiscovered writing talent out there.

mehh, 3/10

Cabin Fever is just another one of those movies where studio executives thought, "Hey, the original was good so why not milk the f*ck out of the name and release heaps of garbage, call them sequels, and the money will come." Now this reboot comes along with the exact same script as the original so I figure the execs were just like, "F*ck it, why even try?" And it shows. The good news is that this isn't a theatrical release - it's limited on-demand or something so thankfully a majority of people won't be aware of this abomination's existence. But for those who are, let me affirm your suspicions: this movie blows.

First off, none of these people should be allowed to act ever again. I hesitate to call them actors because I saw no semblance of acting on screen. The characters are unlikable and annoying, which is weird because I don't remember hating them in the original. I didn't care if any of them died; in fact I wanted them all to die so the movie would end as quickly as possible. It literally goes down the horror movie cliché checklist. The cabin in the woods schtick, clueless college kids, creepy guy at a gas station, perfunctory sex scenes, loud sound effects to make you jump, etc. Hell, even the gore is lame. Patient Zero had better gore effects.

Please don't watch this movie. It makes Patient Zero look like The Dark Knight. Watch the original if you want, or literally any other Eli Roth movie. I don't blame Roth for this mess because I'm pretty sure he just signed off on it, made some green and never thought about it again. It doesn't even have his signature silly style. It tries to take itself seriously and it fails miserably. Then they shoehorn in some jokes that aren't funny at all, and you laugh at how horribly they were delivered, and then you'll contemplate what you're doing with your life. It's a chore to watch, seriously.

Cabin Fever is just another byproduct of the horror remake craze. Avoid at all costs.

This movie should not have been made. It does nothing new, different or even remotely better than the admittedly average original. Had it been Evil Dead-remake caliber, we would have been in for something special. But everything from the acting to the gore has taken a considerable hit with this remake as to effectively make it Cabin Fever-lite. This movie doesn't even try to be original in its retelling of the film, as the same basic set-up (and even some of the dialogue) has been reused and recycled to ill-effect. Worst part of it all? Save for a few of the actors, the performances were atrocious. Honesty, I have seen found-footage films with better acting than what some of these no-talents pulled off. The movie was limited in its vision, and toning down the gore does a disservice to everything that was good about the original film. It's just basic in almost every way, and really is a waste of resources. If you didn't believe Eli Roth was a hack before, you certainly will after watching this mess. Not recommended, even if you have absolutely nothing else to watch.

Cabin Fever (2016)

1/2 (out of 4)

Five friends go out into the woods for a fun week but soon a flesh eating virus begins to take them over.

This is a remake of the 2002 Eli Roth film that put that director on the map and helped bring in some "frat boy" type of horror movies. Roth was involved in this one and had spent several months really pushing for people to give this film a chance but the end result is without question one of the biggest disasters in recent horror history. I've seen worse film but I've never seen such a pointless remake in my life. I'm a huge defender of remakes because quite often they're at least more original than sequels, which usually just copy the first movie. That's certainly not the case here because what we basically have is a scene-for-scene remake.

For the life of me I can't understand what Roth and company were trying to do with this film. At least the original film had two sequels that at least tried to be different or do something slightly original. When I say this is a scene-for-scene remake I'm not kidding. It really does seem like the original screenplay was used here with only a few things brought more up=to-date. This includes an assault rifle being used, stuff like the internet mentioned and the Deputy character is now a woman. Everything else is exactly like the original movie so what was the point? If you've seen the original then you're just going to be bored by what you see here.

The kills are slightly different but they're certainly not great enough to save the picture. The cast really isn't any better here. The direction isn't any better. As for the screenplay, as I said, it's pretty much just the original with a few alterations. Even worse is the fact that the film runs the same length, which just goes to show how alike they are. CABIN FEVER, the 2016 version, is one of the most unoriginal movies I've ever seen and it's just shocking that Roth would sign off for this type of remake. His rumor was taken out but the darker elements add up to nothing. I will avoid giving the film a BOMB rating since it's at least professionally made. Still, what on Earth were they smoking?

While not a shot-for-shot remake (the angles and cinematography are different), this remake uses the same script as the 2002 original with slight alterations. Despite this seemingly pointless exercise, I was prepared to give it a chance and not hate it for failing to aspire to anything original. I'll go on the record saying I -wanted- to like this film, despite some unease after watching the trailer. I'm sad to say it fails to live up to the original in nearly every regard.

What sets this remake apart from it's 2002 predecessor is the lack of any chemistry between the actors. It's not that any one particular actor is singularly bad, it's that none of them feel like they're in the same movie. It literally feels as if they pulled random strangers off the streets and asked them to make-believe they were friends for a weekend. I simply couldn't buy that any of them would take off for a weekend together, much less have known one another for years, as is the case for at least two of the characters. They feel like strangers and it doesn't help that all of them seem to be acting as if they're in completely different films--the disconnect is that apparent. It's upsetting that, despite having many of the same scenes and lines as their original characters, everyone in the cast feels so disconnected from the script that they utterly fail to bring any of their characters to life. They're the ghosts of what we saw in the original film, the acting completely lifeless. It's as if none of them wanted to be there.

Roth's trademark humor is also excised in favor of a few random throwaway jokes, delivered in such a deadpan tone by the actors that each one falls flat on its face. This time around, the director goes for a more serious approach to the material (a mistake, I believe) and attempts to paint the film as a tragedy. Nothing attempts to sell this more than the overly-ambitious music score, which is so epic at times that it feels like it belongs in a big-scale war movie. The composer feels the need to John Williams this thing up at times, which just leaves the viewer scratching their heads at why such a big spectacle of a score is being utilized for a film that largely takes place in a single cabin.

As if to keep from being too familiar, the deaths are altered just enough to qualify as being original, as long as you don't count on being surprised. Practically everything is telegraphed a mile in advance thanks in no small part to the reliance on the original script so that even the prospect of new deaths isn't enough to warrant much excitement.

Perhaps the biggest blunder is the recasting of Deputy Winston as a woman, played by an actress with zero comedic timing (although this doesn't stop her from being handed humorous dialogue). The character is a painful reminder that no one invested in this remake knows how to bring life to their character, as is true with the weed-toting camper (played by Eli Roth in the original). No one would call the acting in Cabin Fever '02 a revelation, but it's as good as gold compared to this.

The entire film is permeated with a depressing lack of passion on or off camera. It's as if no one wanted to be doing this. Roth's film, while certainly underrated by many, at least felt as if it was made by someone who cares. This is a lifeless remake on par with the new Nightmare on Elm Street. Truly a flat, emotionally barren production not even worthy of viewing as a curiosity.