Finché morte non ci separi

So today I (mis)treated myself to a double feature of Meg 2 and Til Death Do Us Part. After Meg 2 failed to deliver on its minimal promises of schlocky fun I had my hopes that this would meet my expectations of being mildly entertaining. Unfortunately this couldn't even pass the lowest bar: at least be more entertaining than the movie I watched prior.

This movie is a beat-by-beat ripoff to the far superior Kill Bill films with lifeless performances from a cast that looked like they didn't want to be there. The characters are monotone, obnoxious, and one note. Cam Gigandet's character is by far the most insufferable of the bunch. Putting on random classic songs on vinyl and foolishly dancing around is his sole personality trait that probably took up to a total of 15 minutes of the film runtime throughout. If you want your character to be demented maybe...I don't know...do more?

It delivers on the blood and gore for the most part and usually when a film is this bad this can be a redeeming quality, even if it doesn't save the film entirely. But this did nothing for me. The jokes fall flat, the characters are cringe, and the film is about 20-25 minutes too long. There was no heart in this. The only positives I can give this are some decent fighting scenes and two pretty cool and bloody kills.

The trailer I had seen before the movie release got my attention but am sorry to say this was a bust for me. It was like they took all the good parts of the movie and put it into the trailer, least that's how I felt after I watched the whole thing. The acting was subpar in some areas and cringe-worthy in a lot of others but this could have been due to the writing - with the whole actors can only do so much with what they're given type thing. Only positive I can say is that some of the fight scenes were nicely done. There was some that the choreographing needed more work or at the very least reshot. In conclusion, the concept had promise but the delivery just wasn't where it needed to be. I came, I saw, I won't watch again.

Nobody should be comparing this to Ready or Not. This movie took 1 page of the brilliance of Ready or Not and crumpled it into 1 hour and 45 minutes of a complete mess. The dialogue between the groomsmen was just so terrible I fast forwarded most of the parts just to get to the end. The end had a decent twist but nothing of note. Very dissatisfied with this movie as I was really looking forward to this.

I think the best part of the movie were the last five minutes and I was so excited when the credits finally scrolled.

One act of praise is the Groom, he had about 5 lines in it and I think it was the best decision in his career bc he didn't talk.

How this movie hit the silver screen still has me scratching my head.

Grade: D-

If you need some eye yoga, Til Death Do Us Part is the perfect choice: my eyes were in pain after watching this movie due to constant eye rolling. Additionally, I suspect that I lost a significant number of brain cells (note to self: be more selective about watching new movies, unless you want to become a brain-lobotomized zombie in a not so far away day). Not only does Til Death Do Us Part feed us a weak and uninspiring story, but the entire film is also rather tediously timed and poorly directed, the dialogues a terrible blabla. The production value also fails to elevate the movie to even average quality. If you're truly craving violence and action involving a bride (for whatever peculiar reason), I highly recommend watching Ready or Not or Kill Bill (again). Both films boast superior production, captivating storylines, and talented casts. Final words: a rather cheap and uninspired imitation.

How do films like this get made? Who puts up the money? Or are they just vanity projects from spoiled rich kids ? I only ask because this must have looked rubbish on paper. I think I recognized one name on the cast list. The others were totally unknown. They should stay that way. Especially the leading lady. Dreadful beyond words. And the production values? Let's saturate all the colors and have a palate of primary hues. Everything about this movie is a mess and you should avoid it like the plague. It doesn't even fall into the "it's so bad, it's good" category. It's just plain bad. You have been warned.