Call Girl of Cthulhu

Ya, right...Lovecraft would have really dug this 'homage' being a secret T&A guy back in the day. He especially would have been surprised to see so many of his hidden meanings and dark texts rife with macabre images suddenly illuminated and realized as a bunch of naked women with all their attributes! As if that were not enough, the casting of non-pro actors would sublimate his troubled eldritch inner forces that would normally demand much better performers into a simmering rage at the unseen director of this nonsense. The usage of New England surnames familiar to us all seems unkind to those family members who may still exist in the dark tarns of the hidden blasted heaths and valleys therein. All in all very entertaining for those of us trapped deep below the surface of the Earth with the Old Ones!

Yrs...

Charles Dexter Ward and my new friend... Yog Sothoth -

If you're looking for a sleazy, cheap but fun Lovecraftian horror you could do far worse than this! With blood and body parts all over the place, some of the dumbest characters you'll see in horror (which is saying something!), and a very liberal amount of T&A/topless nudity, this is a real throwback to those 80s teen horror flicks that were only found near the back of the video store. A nerdy young artist decides to lose his virginity to a prostitute. Unfortunately, she bears a birthmark that marks her as destined to become the bride of Cthulhu. The 'Church of Starry Wisdom' (aka a bunch of losers led by a megalomaniac nutjob) are determined to bring that union about.

Whilst some of the supporting cast have a history in more 'adult' productions, the leads (David Phillip Carollo as the artist, Nicolette le Faye as his roommate, Melissa O'Brien as the hooker, and Dave Gamble as the nutjob) are pro actors; but they're ALL clearly having a ball and putting their all into it. Plus, writer/director Chris LaMartina knows his stuff; there are more Lovecraft references/elements in this that I think I've seen in any other movie based on his work. Overall, it's trash, but it's meant to be. I can't say I'll ever rewatch it, but it's fun. 6/10.

From the start, this looks like it's going to be a not just bad but poorly made movie. But I stuck through it for a few minutes and got some entertainment out of it. Here's the good and the bad:

Good: I like the story behind the movie. The acting for the people that took off their tops was better than the acting of the clothed people. I don't know if that's good or bad, but whatever. I liked the glimpse at the kinds of sad pandering that a call girl has to put up with, that was entertaining. The bad guys were interesting to look at. I am impressed with how much freaky can be conveyed with simple costumes. In fact, I know it is low budget but bravo to the costuming for the movie with doing lots with little.

Bad: I can't even call it gory. There was a lot of puppetry and fluids being thrown around so I can call it gross but in no way realistic or gory. Even in a movie centered around hookers and strip clubs, there's even extra nudity for no real reason. This stuck out to me, idk why. The sound was really bad in places.

I think it's an ok movie, poorly made in spots, badly acted in other spots but I can say I was entertained by the crazy and I thought the ending was decent. To watch this and come away happy you have to have low expectations. Which the name of the film sets you up with.

This is a fun micro-budget horror-comedy with some decent (some not) acting and practical effects. Simple, yet interesting plot with full of Lovecraft references and some expected gore n' nudity. Of course there are some boring parts here and there but it is watchable (even more than once with the right company of people) Although makers of this movie say they are inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft, I think their biggest influence is Troma films. The tone of the movie, colors, special effects and yes the penis monster reminded me of good ol' Aroma du Troma. Call Girl of Cthulhu isn't Chris LaMartina's best film and H.P. Lovecraft wouldn't be proud. But Lloyd Kaufman would!

If you are like me and have come across this movie and think the title alone is hilarious and worth watching, Call Girl Of Cthulhu will not disappoint you. Call Girl... is a very tongue in cheek, micro budgeted horror/comedy that delivers the campy and gory goods. Considering of course this is centered on our leading lady of the night Riley and her occupation is to fulfill the needs of all kinds of horny men, the film has a whole lot of sex appeal and delivers in that area as well. Riley, is a smoking hot hooker with a heart of gold that ends up in a romance when meeting an awkward, but sweet artist and virgin who paints her portrait. Things go awry when Cthulhu cultists search for their god's bride who is a hooker that bares the birthmark destined to be Cthulhu's mate and bring about the end of the world. For this Riley is destined and only her boyfriend and his punk/industrial noise artist chick and roommate can put a stop to this. For a movie dealing with prostitution, alien gods, cult worship and Armageddon, the film has an innocent quality to it an has mostly a light tone. Although this movie was extremely cheap, the performances by the actors are actually good and the characters are developed well throughout the course of the film. The f/x are cheap and cheesy, but are practical at least. Plus this film is cheesy, but in a good way. Call Of Cthulhu is good for what it is. There are no shortage of horror movies based on the writings of HP Lovecraft, but I do like writer Jimmy George and director Chris Lamartino's take on the material. If you want to see a more serious adaptation of Lovecraft's works that has more of a budget to work with the I suggest to check out director Stuart Gordon's films. He made a lot of good films based on Lovecraft, some of them are great and absolute genre classics.