Tragica notte al bowling

In the running for the cheesiest movie I've ever seen (right up there with "Zombie Lake") this film started out extremely slow. I have to admit, I almost turned it off. It got a little better about 30 minutes in, luckily.

The plot is absurd and the script is poorly penned. The acting is third or fourth rate. Three 'nerds' spy on some sorority girls. They get caught and then as punishment get 'forced' into a prank that the initiating girls must pull off in order to get into the sorority. They are attempting to steal a bowling trophy (what the hell???) from a bowling alley and they unleash a horrible imp who grants them wishes that turn into curses.

Linnea Quigley's punk rock criminal character is the only thing that saves this movie at all. She has some awesome lines and shines as the best actor in the bunch (sadly.) Also, a dude gets decapitated and they bowl his head down the lane which was pretty nice.

Definitely the kind of movie you saw on USA Up All Night back in the 90's. Chock-full of ridiculous high school fantasies. Yikes! 4 out of 10, kids.

David DeCoteau has somehow managed to come up with a winner here. An outstanding cast most probably has something to do with it, i.e. Lead singer/songwriter of Washington band The Previous, Andras Jones, The B-Queens, Bauer, Quigley, and Stevens, and a slew of others. This was also one of the best performances by the late Robin Rochelle Stille. Definitely worth checking out!

Just like most of the music in the 80s, this is supremely enjoyable on a strictly camp/cheese level. Of course, it's a complete no-brainer low-budget horror spoof, but that just makes it all the more endearing and charming. One day, I really could see someone putting this little gem in a time capsule and sending it into space as a prime example of fighting back against conservativeness and "Reaganism" with pure, no-questions-asked exploitation. It never pretends to be otherwise. It never takes itself seriously. It is the perfect example of a film crafted by people who have their target audience in sight and don't want to let them down. And it was reasonably well made considering it cost less than 100K to produce.

Taffy (Brinke Stevens) and Lisa (Michelle Bauer) are sorority pledges at the mercy of blonde meanie Babs (Robin Stille), a future prison warden, who gleefully subjects them to "institutionalized sadism" such as paddling their fannies and spraying whipped cream all over them (which of course must be showered off). After some nerds are busted spying on the ladies, Babs forces them all break into a shopping mall to steal a bowling trophy as part of their initiation rites. There they encounter both ill-mannered biker babe Spider (Linnea Quigley) AND an evil, wish-granting Imp (with a soul voice!) who traps them all inside and proceeds to turn some of them into murderous zombies. Ah ha! It's great stuff. Really! It's totally infectious fun.

It's very nice to see that it's gotten a DVD and video reissue because now that USA Up All Night is off the air, this kind of good-natured B-movie needs to break through to the next generation of fans. I grew up on this fluff and it truly does enrich your life in a unique way Hollywood never could. NIGHTMARE SISTERS and SORORITY BABES make a perfect double feature and are proof that Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer may just be the greatest trio ever captured on film. They are combined force to be reckoned with that has yet to be equaled. Someone please reunite these ladies again sometime soon!

Score: 7 out of 10.

"Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama" is an enjoyable b-movie horror-flick/boobfest from David DeCoteau, who directed this one before he found his homoerotic side.

The plot concerns two sorority pledges, played by b-movie scream queens Michelle Bauer and Brinke Stevens, who are instructed to break into a bowling alley by their potential sisters. They are accompanied by a trio of '80s nerds, identifiable by the fact that they wear glasses and ugly shirts. One of them in the requisite fat-guy-who-is-always-eating. I guess his presence is what makes this a horror "comedy"; all '80s boob comedies featured this character as a mainstay, but I can't think of too many straight-horror flicks that did.

Anyway, after getting their panty-covered butts paddled and giving us a requisite shower scene, the girls go to the bowling alley with their dorky chaperones. They expect to have to break in but find the doors unlocked, which is sort-of explained by one of the sorority sisters having a father who owns the mall. At least they TRIED to explain that unbelievable stroke of luck.

When they go inside, the holy trinity of scream queens is completed by none other than Linnea Quigley playing her usual bad girl role, but hey, she does it so well, and looks stunning here. Disappointingly, she doesn't get naked, but you can't have everything.

Anyway, the movie makes what feels like a belated, and perhaps even unnecessary, detour into horror territory when a trophy the girls are supposed to steal is dropped, and releases a mysterious gas, which in movies like these, always indicates that a "spirit" or supernatural creature of some kind has been set free.

Is this the only movie ever with a haunted trophy? It's got to be the only movie with a haunted BOWLING trophy. I guess they think that a trophy looks enough like a lamp that they can just swap one for the other and nobody will notice.

What the movie refers to as an "imp" materialises, having apparently been stuck in said trophy before it was dropped (they didn't even have to rub it?). This creature looks like something made in ceramics class by an unusually talented twelve year old. I don't mind that the claymation to make the thing talk is predictably shoddy. But they could have at least painted it or something.

The imp's voice is also a really strange touch. It's not in any way a typical monster, horror movie voice. It sounds like a gay Jamaican after a stroke.

The imp offers our heroes some wishes, but also possesses some other people, and you can pretty much fill in the blanks from there. I confess I sort of lost interest when the movie went into tiresome slasher mode, but there were a few other things that set this one apart:

1. One of the nerds asks the imp to allow him to have sex with Michelle Bauer (hell, wouldn't you?) And they get what seems like an endless series of scenes together. The movie keeps cutting away to scenes of action elsewhere as the horror movie plot develops, and then cutting back to Bauer and the nerd. And back. And back. And back. It makes you wonder how long they were supposed to be together for. Each time we revisit the two, Bauer has less clothes on than before. It's like they're playing the world's slowest game of strip poker.

2. I haven't mentioned it yet, because it really goes without needing to be mentioned with movies like these, that Stevens, particularly, looks too old to be in college, and especially to be young enough to be trying to join a sorority, which is something I assume people do when they first start university. But what's unusual is that there is a janitor character who is apparently supposed to be old, hard-of-hearing and senile, and yet clearly isn't old enough for at least two of those. Movies are always trying to make us believe actors are younger than they really are. It's not often that they try to make us think actors are old and decrepit when they clearly aren't, at least out of Hollywood biopics.

3. Lastly, there is a pretty cool scene where someone bowls with a decapitated head. I mean, in a horror movie set in a bowling alley, how can you not include that?

"Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama" is an entertaining flick that is obviously a much-watch for b-movie and '80s horror fans for its featuring Stevens, Bauer and Quigley in the one movie. However, strange as it is to say, I wish it hadn't gone to typical-slasher toward the end there. That's when it becomes a lot less fun.

This film is the work of the auteur DeCoteau and boasts of a cast that contains three members of the All-Century Eye Candy team (Brinke Stevens, Michelle Bauer, and Linnea Quigley). The underlying message of this film is the horrors of hazing within the Greek system and its potential for things to go bad. The two pledges are played by the ever-so-lovely Ms. Stevens and the majestic beauty Ms. Bauer. Our third All-Century member, the sultry Ms. Quigley appears at a later juncture but alas does not play a role that allows her to bare her soul. However, Ms. Stevens (ahhh!) and Ms. Bauer (oooh!) give a knockout performance as a 1-2-3 punch: they get paddled, then sprayed with whipped cream, followed by a shower. Further into the film , Ms. Bauer gets to show more of her talents when her character gets possessed. Unfortunately, we here at the academy can't give classic status to this film. However, don't deny the fact that 2/3 of the All-Century team deliver the goodies and that is a winning percentage.